No. 203 – This Won’t Hurt a Bit

I’m feeling a little crabby and “owly”. Probably due to several factors: I’m behind at work and I really don’t give a shit; I have nothing interesting to blog about; and Soralis has tagged me.

When I started blogging, I would’ve given my left tit to be tagged. It meant someone knew I existed. Now, I swear, I’m going to have to start collecting left tits from the taggees. So, Soralis, email me and I’ll give you a PO Box to take care of that little issue. What am I going to do with them? Oh, I don’t know, they might make attractive button covers on all of my holiday sweaters. Maybe I’ll pierce a couple and wear them to bed and freak the crap out of Mr. DD. I guess I could always start displaying them under some bell jars around the house…ooh, pretty.

5 Items in my Fridge

  • Milk. There must always be at least 2 gallons of milk since I have two growing boys. Does it matter that one boy is trying to grow *up* while the other grows *out*?
  • Red Hot Dogs. Because that’s what Grandma J. keeps in her fridge.
  • Chocolate Chip Cookies. You know, the kind that you just break apart and put on the cookie sheets. Who am I…friggin’ Betty Crocker?
  • Humulin. For the diabetic cat.
  • Cucumber Eye Cloth-Pads. They’ve been there since we moved here in 1997.

5 Items in my Closet

  • Not one skirt.
  • Not one dress.
  • Not one pant suit.
  • Lots of empty shoe boxes. Because if I want to put them on a rummage sale, don’t you think they would sell better if I still had the box?
  • Two Skeletons. You will probably never read about them on this blog.

5 Items in my Purse

  • Fruitsnacks. Part of my emergency church kit. Yes, of course I mean for X. My personal emergency church kit would have to include a rather large caffeinated drink and an iPod.
  • Lip-gloss. In four varieties and shades.
  • Safety Deposit Box key
  • Gum. I have to get the kind that upon the first chew it causes tears to come to your eyes and your tongue to freeze to the roof of your mouth and a physical reaction much like a brain freeze.
  • Asthma Inhaler

Now in this case I “have” to tag five more people. The problem is I only have ONE left tit and I rather attached to it, literally and figuratively. So I guess I’m going to have to rethink this barter/payment issue.

Now…(as I absently tap my finger to my chin as if in deep thought)…who should I tag? I definitely know who one of the tagged will be because of this post; so my hapless victims shall be:

Cricket (Churp, Churp)

MAMB (Michelle)

Kath (Inhospitable)

Erin (PCOS baby)

mm (Limbo Party – since we haven’t heard from you in a while)

And, Soralis, I’m just teasing. You don’t have to send me any of your body parts. But pictures? Hmmmm. I just might be onto something here…

7 thoughts on “No. 203 – This Won’t Hurt a Bit”

  1. Pictures of left tits, now that is funny!!! LOL! If I did that you would probably get a pic of the belly button!! I hate freakin gravity! Ok maybe not that bad but I thought it sounded pretty funny!

    Take care and sorry about the tag! LOL

  2. “I’m going to have to start collecting left tits from the taggees” Ok…that was fricking funny.

    I want more about the skeletons.

  3. You dog, you, trying to keep me busy. In my melancholy, I will sure to be plenty melodramatic.

    And you have finally popped my meme tag cherry!

  4. Dear DD, here I was, blithely laughing my head off at your hilarious post, when I saw my name on your list of tagees. Do onto others, eh?? I will be generous and let you keep your left tit, but could you perhaps send me some of your deee-licious home-heated chocolate chip cookies?

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