*ssssnnnnnniiffffffffffffff* (me inhaling)
D’ya smell that? It’s the smell of a new month. I cannot tell you how relieved I am to have November disappear into history. My own personal Dark Ages, if I do say so myself. November 2006 can lick the antiperspirant from my armpits. Bring on the google hits, you freaks.
Today’s post title is brought to you from some spam I received earlier today. I found it perfectly quirky. Enough so to call my very own.
Did you know I love frankness in people? Sugar coating annoys the shit out of me. Well, lots of things annoy me, that’s probably quite apparent. In fact, already this morning I was directed to another blogger’s site who found out she had lost her baby at nearly 11 weeks. Someone actually posted a comment that contained, "it was probably for the best," and stars danced in my eyes. Nope. Uh-uh. I wasn’t going to let someone crap on my New Month parade, so I made it clear in my own comment that The Best would have been for this person’s baby to not have died. I swear, some people…
Oh, frankness in people. I was going somewhere with that, really. I received an email from Nico and she asked me a very good question:
"Do the genotyping results change your feelings at all about trying again? (Don’t feel like you have to answer that if you’re not ready to)."
And I answered her without hesitation: the results make me even more determined about continuing to try.
Now I didn’t qualify that statement by noting that it’s not a "we" mentality yet. Mr. DD is still spinning. Not so much from the miscarriage, but from watching me go on the craziest ride he’s ever seen. It wasn’t the typical metaphorical roller-coaster; it was an emotional bungee cord ride like the one that’s on top of the Las V3gas Strat0sph3re. Egad, it makes me nauseas just thinking about it.
He’s back on the sidelines suggesting we should go back to just trying on our own again. I squelched that suggestion without blinking. We’ve been there, done that. Between May and October, I kept hoping we could be that couple, the ones who try after a couple failed IVFs and get pregnant because there is less stress? Pfft. Unfortunately, we no longer have the luxury of time. Wolf was supposed to be my 40th Birthday present to myself with her due date just a couple weeks before my birthday.
When I was 38, I told myself I was done trying when I turned 40 because it seemed so far away and the goal seemed so obtainable. I was optimistic. And now I’ve decided no one or nothing is turning me into a quitter. I’m no longer optimistic, per se, but I’m feeling a little bit like Rocky Balboa in his first movie (you know, the good one). Ha ha! I just realized I made an subconscious connection to my blog title! Man, it’s a good day.
I also called the agency to follow-up on my email for adoption information. I just got an email back from them about what the next step might be (attending a sharing meeting and the next one is not until February! *sob*).
I know there are some who think that if I was going to be serious about adoption, I should probably give up on ttc, but I’m won’t. If we should get so lucky as to get pregnant and be matched at the same time, I will consider my self doubly "blessed" for pushing through the pain (I quote the blessed because of my personal issue I have right now with the religious connotations the word holds).
Congratulations to two of my favorite writers (the term "blogger" does not do their immeasurable talents justice), who also pushed through the pain of NaBloPoMo : Alexa at Flotsam, and Schmutzie at Milk Money or Not (who by the way is up for Best Blog in the 2006 Canadian Blog Awards, and even if you don’t read her – which you should – go place your vote for her. The link is on her recent post. Actually it’s been on all of her posts as she shamelessly self-promotes.). They are both equally amazing in completely different ways.
I have over 15 addresses of blogging friends who I am exchanging holiday cards with. That knowledge in itself makes my heart do a little skip of happiness. Keep in mind that the exchange is just between me and "you", and I will keep your personal information locked away for
my own private blackmailing purposes safekeeping.
One last thing (finally!), my next post is something special that I’ve been working on through slideroll. I’m warning you ahead of time that it will contain an ultrasound picture and a belly shot, not to mention several pictures of one very special little guy in my life.
Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh… (me exhaling)