no. 451 – Remember

It’s Memorial Weekend here in the US. It’s the weekend set aside to commemorate the US armed forces killed in war. Many will visit the family cemeteries and place flowers on grave sites. My mother will make several trips this weekend with wreaths of plastic flowers in unnatural colors to different plots and remember. Many others will watch the parade, cook out and here in the Midwest, the water park and swimming pools open for the sumer.

I will also go visit the cemetery that is home to the plot that holds the remains of the unborn babies that did not get their own headstone. Vivienne is there. Wolf is not. But I will bring two candles with me and try not to cry too much.

It is beautiful outside. Unusual for Memorial weekend which is usually marred by seasonal storms.

This weekend will also be the 10, 11 & 12 day post IUI. This cycle has already been decided, I just won’t know for sure what the results are for a couple more days. I’ve written a half-dozen posts in my head about how I will feel and do if it’s negative. It’s much easier to imagine it will be negative than positive. It goes with the odds, I guess.

I just know that right now I’m very tired, not physically, but mentally and spiritually. I keep thinking that some day I’ll wake up and the nightmare will be over.

9 thoughts on “no. 451 – Remember”

  1. You’ve given me a reason to actually commemorate Memorial Day. I had always associated it with the military. And I live with military everyday and I am in Memoriam everyday of the families and friends left behind, so Memorial Day has kind of lost its significance on me. But I guess it is also to remember past loved ones. And that I can do as well.

    It’s amazing sometimes, how through your grief, you actually can teach something to other people.

    I will also be thinking of you. And hoping, because that is the best I can do.

  2. I’m sorry DD. This just sucks today, doesn’t it? (And hey, if you want to cry too much, I won’t tell a soul…do it on my shoulder anytime.)

You can say it here.

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