no. 457 – Again

Today I had my blood drawn to check my progesterone since I was told to discontinue the PIO temporarily. That’s what I was told last Thursday. When I asked about another beta, they said it wouldn’t be necessary.

I second-guessed that decision up until 30 minutes before my draw when I called the clinic to ask them to add the beta to the orders.

I had almost convinced myself that with the numbers looking good from last week, and an ultrasound coming up next week, I could blissfully go about my days admiring how full my breasts seem to have gotten compared to when I was pregnant with Wolf and that all the mild cramping were signs of something growing.

Apparently I have Pseudocyesis.

The clinic agreed to add the beta to the order.

My beta on Thursday was 100.

Today it was 125.

Pregnancy No. 5 will be ending about the time I leave for my vacation, if not while on vacation.

Pregnancy no. 5 will be ending around Wolf’s due date.

Happy 40th Birthday to me.

Fuck you, God.

75 thoughts on “no. 457 – Again”

  1. Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m checking in after a work-week from hell to see that…fuck, DD. I just don’t know what to say. I am so fucking sorry.

  2. I’m so very sorry DD. Of course it’s not pseudocyesis. You are pregnant, but the embryo just isn’t developing. It’s just absolutely awful, and of course the dates make it worse. I’m thinking of you.

  3. Oh fuck. This is just NOT RIGHT. There will be a LOT of alcohol coming to the beach–and a shoulder to cry on, if need be. I am so very, very sorry.

  4. DD…there are no words to convey how horrible I feel for you! This just plain sucks! 😦

    Next time you’re heading this way, we should get a drink…or several. Perhaps a girl’s night out sometime…?

  5. Are they sure its that Pseudocyesis thing, your beta was still 125 the last go? You cant fake that, can you? I know I’m hanging on a short string here, but I’m gutted for you 😦

  6. Fuck. I’m definitely not the crying type, but right now there’s some wet stuff in my eyes – I’m frustrated and angry….

    DD, I’m sorry….

    xxx

  7. Fuck. I can’t tell you how truly sorry I am DD. Hollow words, but I’m sorry and mightily pissed off that you are going through this yet again. Thinking of you…

  8. I’m sorry sweety. Are you vacationing in the South? Maybe we can meet on the beach and commisserate together over a few gallons of wine. I’m sorry.

  9. Motherfucker doesn’t begin to cut it today. This news is no match for even my strongest expletive.

    I’m so very sorry.

  10. Damn it all to hell. I am so sorry. I wish I could come over and give you a big hug and a large glass of something alcoholic. Heck, I’d smoke something with ya if I had it.

  11. Damn it all to hell. I am so sorry. I wish I could come over and give you a big hug and a large glass of something alcoholic. Heck, I’d smoke something with ya if I had it.

  12. Damnit… sorry my tourrettes kicked in a bit.

    I’m sorry – this sucks so bad and is so unfair. However I know you know this already. Is there anything I can do? Do you need me to go pummel a coworker? I can do that for you… I wish I could make all this right. Hell… Know I’m thinking of you.

  13. Words defy a fifth loss. One that comes so close to Wolf’s due date. Just know that I’m thinking of you. And I’m so sorry. And I wish I lived closer because I would be by with homemade bread and a long cry.

  14. I know there’s not much, if anything, one can say that’s comforting right now, but still I’m so so sorry. That really sucks!

  15. Oh DD, I am so, so sorry. Damn it all.
    I know the answer is probably “no”, but is there anything I can do?
    Oh crap.
    DinoD

  16. Oh DD,
    I’m so sorry.

    That sounds so comletely lame and pathetic, but please know that I say it very heartfelt and I wish I was able to give you a hug right now. I’m crying for you.

    Love to you,
    Cat

  17. Oh DD. When I read your angry “prayer” I was moved to cry. I know that rage.

    Not fair. Tragically unfair.

    You’re in my thoughts. I wish I could be there to comfort you.

You can say it here.

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