Done

X is officially no longer under Krstn’s care…effective last Friday.

Mr. DD talked to her on Sunday trying to get her to make a decision. She is obviously not the only one affected by what will happen. So yesterday, Monday, when Mr. DD called to verify that X would be there Tuesday, she said that she thinks it’d be better if he found a new day care.

When Mr. DD told me this, he also said I should give Krstn a call as she seems to think that I believe she did something wrong.

I’m obviously not as good as I thought about hiding my feelings. Add this on top of her astounding ESP abilities since I’ve never said one word to her about it as I’ve only seen her once in two weeks.

I refuse to call her and try to work this out. If she was convinced to continue to let X come, it would only be for her benefit. Not X’s. Not ours. She’s as transparant as air and X isn’t stupid. He no doubt has picked up on her feelings towards him and things have escalated to this point.

I allowed myself to be blinded by the convenience of having her services for this long.

I’ll give you a tip about day care providers. You can know all you need to know about the care your child will receive by how they treat their own child.

Krstn’s child “refuses” to go to bed until midnight or later (he’s 4).

Krstn’s child will run around outside in the cold and snow without shoes or socks and her only response is a roll of her eyes and a tsk-tsk. It’s no wonder he suffered ear infections for nearly all of 2006.

Krstn’s child is exempt from the schedule the other children are required to have. For example, one day I picked up X for a doctor’s appointment in the early afternoon. This is quiet/nap-time for her kids…except her son who was playing on the computer when I showed up. She said he doesn’t like to naps. Sounds familiar? Remember how she said the other kid didn’t like to be in his car seat?

Lastly, unrelated to Krstn’s son, she lets the kids watch too much damn TV. My son knows Nickelodeon’s schedule is like…and it’s not because he’s reading the TV Guide.

I’ve ignored these signs and I feel guilty that I didn’t make the best choice for my son and find him a more structured care. The writing was on the wall but I refused to see it.

Yes, I will beat myself up about this for a while. It was not all bad. My son thrived under her care through his infant and toddler years. But even she admitted she doesn’t do very well with older children. It’s no wonder her maturity level when dealing with parents and conflicts is stunted. She relates best to one year olds.

Good riddance.

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14 thoughts on “Done”

  1. You can send X to PA, I wish I lived closer, I’d love to have him for a while. I’ll teach him to make super cool stuff out of clay.

    Seriously he sounds better off out of there, but what a pain. Will it be hard to find someone new on short notice?

  2. Wow, I have no idea about day care. It sounds stressful. I’m hoping to go back to work and here in Japan… dunno if I’ll find a caregiver who I can talk to.

    Sounds like moving X is a hassle but probably you’ll feel better about his care. Still, that carer sounds very immature. She ‘fired’ your kids but wants to talk it out? Whatever.

  3. Daycare is so hard – and I’ve been guilty myself of doing what was easy instead of what was best. It’s all ended up okay in the end, but it still ate me up inside.

  4. ok I want to offer a slightly different perspective here. I am not (yet) a parent, but I have worked many years in daycare situations. This is just one of so many stories I’ve heard that convince me that in-home daycare is a mistake. From tales of the daycare provider drinking during the day, to carting around all the kids on errands (sans car seat), to even just neglecting the kids to do laundry, you will never get the same level of care and attention at an in home situation than with a commercial one. I know it’s way more expensive, and I know they have many of their own problems, but at the very least they are insured, they have regulations, and they are unlikely to plant your child in front of the TV all day. Now there are exceptions to every rule, so I know there must be some quality in home places just as there are some commercial disasters, but overall, it seems clear to me that you get what you pay for in terms of childcare, and it saddens me. So if you’ll take a tip from a former childcare worker, go with the big names, X will be safer and exposed to more than just the daytime schedule of Nick Jr.

  5. Sounds like a good decision. Honestly, she doesn’t sound like a very good parent. MIDNIGHT?

    Every time I wonder if I’m too lax on my kids, I just have to hear stories like this and I feel better.

    So who is watching X now? Can you guys just fill in with vacation or friends until school starts?

  6. I’m glad thing are changing, but to what? Who is keeping X now?

    The situation I mentioned in the comments of your last post were a neighborhood thing, with the other kid being babysat and mine just being a neighborhood kid. I was actually happy the other father threatened to pull his kid, but I didn’t want to cut my babysitting neighbor out of three charges.

    This stuff is so complicated. I am grateful each day that that babysitting neighbor moved!

  7. Krstn sounds like an idiot – first of all – who’s the adult with her own child and second her handling of the situation. Yes – X lashed out. However what prompted the lash out. Since she wasn’t watching him how the heck does she have any idea what went on. Chances are pretty high if she had been doing what she was paid to do then this event would not have happened. As for the other child – again – has this child ever been disciplined at daycare? Doubtful from what you’ve said. It also sounds like coworker hasn’t quite figured out that accidents happen, kids can be rough and that generally if left alone will forgive one another for whatever the offense was.

    I’m sorry that you got such short notice on the daycare situation, however I’m glad X is out of that situation. I’d watch the little guy if I was closer too – he’d have fun with the dogs or they’d at least have fun with him! I also hope that the daycare provider you find next understands how to deal with adults as well as children. Wouldn’t that be neat! Hang in there and do not blame yourself – it sounds like X got the benefits he could from the daycare he was in and now it’s just time to move on with a fresh slate.

  8. FORGOT TO ASK…..
    Has Ex-pregnant co-worker mentioned anything or have you perfected your “don’t speak to me or I will rip your face off” glare?

  9. All kids lash out at one point or another, be it hitting, kicking, pushing, hair pulling, biting…it’sa inevitable, whether they’re being watched 24/7 or not. It’s what happens next that counts, and Krstn didn’t handle it well or fairly as far as I can tell. Nor did the other mother.

    I know it’s probably terribly inconvenient on such short notice, but finding your boy a different care situation is clearly for the best. I hope you find a good spot quickly.

  10. I’m a little late to the conversation but what the hell kind of daycare is she running?! If she isnt’ comfortable with older kids….stop accepting older children!!

    Yes, X did something wrong one strike for him. What about the other child? How many strikes does she have? She seems to be quite the aggressor. Oh and where was krstn?! She should be watching ALL the children. Or at least have the ability to just pop her head up and see what’s going on. If she were able to do that perhaps she would of been able to PREVENT it, she is the adult after all.

    I don’t blame you at all for taking X there. He clearly loved being there. He clearly learned a lot and enojyed her and the other children. If the daycare was convenient to you well, one better.

    For her to tell you not to bring X back and then expect you to call….
    Well, if it were me, she would be waiting a long time. Like when pigs fly. She should of been around to prevent or at least witness the inicident. She is soooo not in the clear here.

    Sorry, I may of gone on to long there. Point being, X will adjust and will make new friends. When he’s 15 he’ll think it’s cool that he got kicked out of daycare 🙂

  11. If you lived closer, I’d offer to take X for a while – he sounds so much like my son – they’d probably get along really well. I’m glad that he’s out of there although you must be fairly stressed out about where he’ll go now???
    DinoD

  12. Sounds like you made a good decision. I hope you found a better place. I am wondering what we are going to with our baby once I have to go back to work. My mom’s neigbor offered to watch her, but I have some issues with how she parents her own children. She would certainly be cheaper than a daycare center or even a licensed home daycare, but I am still wary. I should just trust my instincts and cough up the cash for another place.

  13. Oh I feel ya on the whole “convenience” thing.
    Daycare is on the way to work, so it’s just a pit-stop for me in the morning.

    Granted, they do have structure & NO TV!! They help the pre-K kids get ready for reading & have a special room to simulate a kindergarten classroom.
    I pay dearly for this convenience. Over half of my paycheck goes towards daycare for the 2 of them. Even if Maggie goes to Catholic school, her tuition will be significantly less than daycare.

    I hope you can find a nice, nurturing place for X with care-providers who actually PROVIDE CARE for their charges.

    Good riddance indeed!

  14. The way the overall situation was handled definitely sucks, but it does sound like it’s probably the best thing for X anyway. Kids are very perceptive on picking up adults’ feelings. Convenience is really nice, though–I can totally understand wanting to keep a child somewhere for convenience. Part of being a working mom is juggling the entire world and when it seems like this is one thing that makes it easier, we can put up with a lot. I hope that you find a better situation for X that you like a whole lot more than Krstn’s care.

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