That’s Disappointing

I finally got a call this morning from the clinic…while I was in the shower…so they left a voice mail message.

We got four eggs. Not what I would consider over-achieving in regards to both the donor and the clinic. Now I understand that their guarantee was four eggs, but that’s the minimum. If I had to have a C- average to graduate from college with a degree and that’s exactly what I put into it, wouldn’t you feel my quality of education was not stellar even though I technically passed? Would you want a C- surgeon operating on you even though he’s got a degree?

I had considered that the worse case scenario would be that there would be no fertilization. Now I think that since the likelihood there will be nothing to freeze after Monday is likely, THAT has now become the worse case scenario. At least I would know where I would have stood if there had been no fertilization…

I should mention that only three fertilized normally.

So there you have it.

By the way, when I relayed this update to Mr. DD he said he was disappointed since we had been told that there looked to be about 12 follicles. I reminded him that those have to be split between two recipients.

Guess what?

He said he didn’t know that there was two recipients.

You know what else?

This sure would be a whole lot easier if I didn’t feel like I was doing it all by myself.

To add to the overall feeling of complete alienation, last night I really struggled with giving myself the PIO shot. I walked around the house for over 45 minutes with the syringe in my hand trying to psyche myself up. I resorted to calling Mr. DD for emotional support.

He apologized and said, “I’m sorry, but I don’t know what you want me to say.”

Thanks, dear husband.

Thanks, for nothing.

27 thoughts on “That’s Disappointing”

  1. Y’know, I’ve convinced myself that I *am* doing thisall by myself. Because when I start expecting support is when I start getting disappointed.

  2. Well damn it all to hell, I was praying like a demon that you would get better news, but then that won’t help you feel better now will it??!! I am really sorry sweetie, I was so excited that you even got to do this cycle, and I am actually still excited and hoping that (Assvice Alert) that it only takes one!!!! :oP~~~~ I have shitty eggs to, so I know that it had to be hard to go this road and then to end up thrown under the truck anyway, but PLEASE hang in there, cuz it ain’t over til the phat lady sings!!!! Hugs!!!!

  3. Again, men only hear key words. Mr. DD heard “we’re getting eggs” and everything else was blah blah blah. It would drive me INSANE when Murphy didn’t know what was going on with our cycles.

    As for the PIO, I had to do several myself and did do them in the thigh. I used a hot compress and massaged the heck out of it for a little while after the shot. Made a huge difference in the soreness. I had to reallllllly talk myself into it but knew it had to be done.

    Hang in there, i know the quantity wasn’t there, hoping the quality is.

  4. I was really, really hoping for fantastic news–and am disappointed with you, both at the numbers and also Mr DD’s reaction. I know that people have said that it only takes one, but when you have a sucky history, it’s hard to believe that is really true. I will be hoping and praying that all of those three are strong and keep dividing perfectly.

    I sometimes think that maybe we should jab our husbands with a needle in the nether-regions, just once, and maybe then they would get it.

  5. aww…that blows. i was hoping for more than 4…though it only takes one. like the poster above suggested though, i think you should “implant” all 3 and get pregnant with triplets. that’ll teach mr dd to pay attention :).

  6. Oh DD hon,

    Man, I’m sorry.

    Does it help that last night MY husband asked what was wrong with another artificial HRT thaw cycle after I’ve spent the last week bitching about menstruating from five freaking days after transfer?


  7. I only had time to visit earlier this morning and I saw the news and was, well pissed. To be honest, though, I am also pissed at some of the comments. I am between Saturday events and at least wanted to post something. Because I was rushed I did not post earlier, but I also thought this would give me time to think about what I wanted to say. I still don’t know. It is hard to justify the pain and surprise without sounding overly pessimistic. I am disappointed, I was sure there would have been closer to a “half dozen” or so and I wanted you to have the frostie option. At the same time, I have a glimmer of hope. Three good eggs with a great fertilization rate from Mr. DD’s spunk. The embryos are on autopilot until transfer, so that will happen on Monday. I keep repeating what you posted earlier on my head about the clinic saying she does not produce many, but she does produce high quality eggs. This process is to wrought with stages for disappointment – I hate to see you lose hope, but I also understand you investment in this. I guess I am just babbling, but hopefully I am trying to justify your frustration and fear while not annoying you with the positive that does exist.

    About Mr. DD….huh. M. just asked me how the two of you were dealing with this cycle. It was weird question and I answered curtly with a well, fine. He followed up by saying that we was always unsure of how to act while we were going through treatment. At first I was kind of pissed because he was part of the process also so why should he have to know how to act, it should just come to him. Or, was he really part if? The woman has so much more vested in this and in addition to torture we put our bodies through, we have the extreme emotional angst that accompanies it. I have no justification for Mr. DD and I will offer to smack him for you if that would help. I know he loves you and care deeply for you, even though his manliness is disabling him from showing it.

    I could go on, but i have to get to running club and I am already “running late”. You must at least laugh at my really bad joke.

    I will check in with you later – I have to head straight to the adoption dinner, but I will probably call tomorrow some time.

    I know this is not about me, but it makes me sad that you are not happy now. I don’t like seeing you disappointed. I want this for you.

  8. I’ve got a knot in my throat for you over the lack of husbandly understanding and support. I’m so sorry for the bad news. But maybe three normal fertile myrtle fertilized eggs have to be better than three infertile’s craptastic eggs… maybe?

  9. I had to give myself the PIO shots, too. I had a pretty good technique down…let me know if you need a hand or a pep talk. And I’m so, so sorry about the number of eggs.

  10. I’m so sorry you didn’t get more eggs, I really hoped for more for you from your donor. I will be hoping and praying even more that at least one of your embryos makes it.

  11. I’m sorry to hear that only 3 fertilized normally. I was hoping for stellar numbers for you.

    Giving yourself the PIO shots isn’t that bad. Cris used to travel frequently for work and I’d have to do it myself. I couldn’t “plunge” the needle into my skin. I had to set the needle on my skin and slowly push it in. Sound silly, I’m sure. I couldn’t think too much about it beforehand or I’d freak myself out.

    Whatever you do, do NOT give it to yourself in the leg/thigh. It’s easier than contorting you body to get it in your ass but it will hurt like hell the next day! I learned that the hard way.


  12. Sometimes men including the phenomenal Mr. DD and my own D don’t pay attention to the details. I’m not sure how they can tell you very precise stories on a baseball game, yet take them to the doctor and “it was fine” no details. Very discouraging and irritating. While I too was hoping for more eggs… like why couldn’t the donor hyperstimulate? Here’s hoping those three take off and do what they are supposed to do. Hang in there… as for the PIO II too had a hard time giving it to myself… that’s not an easy one to do.

  13. Oh DD, I’m so sorry you are disappointed. I know what you mean about feeling like you are doing it all on your own. My DH is a PHYSICIAN, and he still can’t keep the procedures straight. It can feel very upsetting, like you are the only one vested in this endeavor. But I’m sure that is not true — men are just, well … men.

    Hang in there! You can swing the shots (I’ve done it). And as Pamplemousse said, this is a unique population of eggs. So, it even may be more than you need.

    Thinking of you. (((hugs)))

  14. Well crap – if it was me, I would not be happy with 4 but then when you have bad history, I don’t know that 15 would seem like enough. As others have said, these embryos should be healthy and continue to grow so I am hoping like mad that you will only need the three that are currently doing well.

    I don’t know that my husband could tell anyone how many IVFs we had and he certainly wouldn’t remember how many eggs or embryos or how many we have frozen or much of anything for that matter.

    I’m not sure what it is with men – I KNOW they’re the same species as us – it just doesn’t seem that way most of the time.


  15. DD, I saw a great video on Bea fom Infertile Fantasies IVF Shoot em up site, with a couple of people showing on video how to inject PIO, and one especially where they are self-injecting. I will be back with the link.

    Me, I cannot even turn around to see my arse but you, you supermodel, will be able to twist yourself into a pretzel and put your head between your legs and inject thataway 😉

    Remember, it’s the hormones. Attrition is the name of the game and what matters is not the number but the quality of the embryos that count. I know you are disappointed but remember, these are young and fresh eggs. Not that yours are not, I hasten to add. Just not as young and fresh as your donor. One hurdle down, bring on the rest.

  16. I’m sorry. I was hoping for more incase you needed to freeze. But, maybe it won’t matter. Now, HOW, HOW, HOW did you shoot yourself with the PIO shot?? My dh is leaving next weekend and I was planning on driving 30 min to have a friend do it…..can you give me some tips?

  17. dear DD,

    I can understand your disappointment so well. We may not expect much from our ovaries anymore, but from a donor? I hope very much that the three (or however many you choose) embryos you do have will take residence inside you.

    keeping my fingers crossed. kati

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