These are some of my favorite key-word searches that show up in my statcounter. I wanted a way to keep track of them and enjoy forever and ever. Amen.

As of November 9, 2007:

  • stripper poll [I thought that was my play on words? I think you were looking for "pole", no? idiot.]
  • you put the cold medicine tips of matches battery acid [I’m pretty sure there’s a better way to clear your sinuses]
  • who got pregnant with one follicle an an iui [uh, yep, that’d be me. most people can do it without the iui part, but they are bastards, every one of them]
  • holding a lemon to avoid motion sickness [ooops! excuse me and the water that just got snorted out of my nose, but you’d look ridiculous on a cruise ship]
  • i am alive can’t you see my picture in posted on the pole [brain…hemorrhage…]
  • one embie fet [please, stop using the word "embie". It’s not a real word!]
  • top model expensive donor eggs [sorry, my eggs are not for sale]
  • why you shouldn’t use the same needle twice ivf [oh for chrissakes! really? you have to ask this? you have to google this?! It’s not like the clinics don’t supply enough needles! I swear it’s an 14 to 1 ratio of needles to syringes!]
  • cougar wearing spanx [you are weird, sir]
  • fucking infertility fertiles [welcome to the club, sista!]
  • odds of a 4th miscarriage [frankly, I thought it would be impossible, right before my fourth miscarriage…]
  • muffin top belly pics [great…wonder whose facebook I’ll end up on…]
  • boobs at prom [is this a question or the answer?]

As of October 15, 2007:

  • fet butt pictures [did you mean "feet" as I’m sure that would make wa-aa-ay more sense]
  • retro muffle haircut [was their ever a time when a muffle was in enough to be retro? wait a sec. what’s muffle?]


  • You’re killing me inside with everything you say; I know I have to keep this a secret from you. Don’t mak[e me come over there and throw a cream pie in your face!] Wow!
  • clear dogs nose hard bugars [maybe they meant burgler…yeah, because that would make way more sense]
  • how to stalk someone [Check Barnes and Noble]
  • vaseline hangover [No. Way.]
  • toxic uterus [Yep, that’s my name. Don’t wear it out.]
  • fluffy lining mm [I’m assuming you mean "mm" as in "millimeter", not "mm-mmmm good!"]
  • iui baby less smart [depends on whether or not Mom and Dad are less smart]
  • ultrasound pregnant bitches 5 weeks what to expect [if you call them a bitch to their faces, expect to get punched in the face]
  • i know i am pregnant why won’t the tests show positive i have been pregnant 3 times before [denial isn’t just a river in Egypt, sweetie]
  • why the hell am i not pregnant [aren’t you glad you could find ALL your answers here?!
  • pregnant swollen stirrups doctor moan [uh…what?! that’s just creepy!]
  • nobody good likes me [ugh. I’m the eighth result of that search. how depressing]
  • one lovely lady [now THAT’S more like it!]

You can say it here.

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