. . . As far as Murdock goes and you could have knocked me over with a feather when the PA (not R*bbie) told me so. I didn’t get to see the heart beat, but she said it was. She had the screen pulled in close to her. All I could see was the gestational sac and something still in it. I was also given a new glossy black and white picture to take home.

I return for another scan as scheduled on Thursday, the 13th.

I feel rather sheepish and I honestly don’t believe I have any more right to┬ábe obsessed and paranoid over any one else, but I keep being reminded that I “have been through so much”.

I admit that I feel a bit defensive when I’m told that, just because I believe I shouldn’t have to go through all these cycles and miscarriages. No one should to get what they want. It sucks.

When I asked the PA if there are other women who get a little stir-crazy during this time, she said the same thing to me (about going through so much). I asked her when do they start to level out and get their wits about them. She replied that they don’t until they go home with the baby.

In some ways that made me feel better as for not feeling like a freak; on the other hand, I potentially have seven more months to feel like this. That sucks, too.

For now though, Murdock is on track and that certainly does NOT suck.

no. 558 – Redefining Wholesome

When I got home from work last night, I found Mr. DD watching CNN as reporters blahblahblah’ed their way into sanitizing while at the same time, sensationalizing, what happened in Omaha Wednesday afternoon.

For any of you that have watched any national news, you already know. For you others…9 people were shot and killed yesterday in one of the mall stores, including the 20 year old gun man who took his own life.

He stood on the third floor of one of the department stores, pulled out a semi-automatic and just starting shooting from the area of the escalators.

I cried all the way home from work.

People like to think that just a bunch of wholesome farmers live in Nebraska. When something like this happens, I understand the over-the-top horror because of the stereotype, but I also want to smack them over the head. Crimes of violence are relative to population, but that doesn’t make a single act of violence worse depending on its local.

Nine people dead, violently, needlessly. And I would be just as upset if it had happened in Alaska, California or Florida. The local headlines had something to the affect, "It Can Happen Here!" No shit. Anyone who presumes it wouldn’t have has their head buried in a hole.

I guess I learned that lesson five years ago when the nation’s deadliest bank robbery in over a decade took place down the street from where I work.

My heart aches more over the pain another human can inflict upon another without a second thought then it does over the possibility I may know any one of the victims in either events.