no. 562 – Letting the Cat Out

I really thought this post wouldn’t be so difficult to start, but for some reason I’m feeling particularly reluctant to do so. I think it’s because I’ve got so use to the privacy of my other blog that I’ve forgotten the whole purpose of why I started this one in the first place. But it’s time to come back here and even though by doing so I will almost instantaneously become a topic of "rumors" via the co-worker who reads this blog.

As many of you know, I’m pregnant again. In fact today I had my third ultrasound where my husband and I saw a single, one-inch embryo bobbing around in a gestational sac and heard it’s heart beat for the first time. I will be 8 weeks tomorrow.

I hadn’t shared the news earlier because of the constant fear I have of miscarrying once again. I’ll remind you that while this is pregnancy number six, I only have one living child. I am consumed by the possibility that this one, too, could end at any time. It happens all too often in this community of infertility and recurrent miscarriages.

For now I’m breathing easily after having this recent ultrasound where everything is on target, but I know that within 24 hours my angst will have my virtual self curled up in a ball somewhere in my head.

Physically, I feel…well…not pregnant. Morning sickness has been noticeably absent to date. I’m not about to look that gift horse in the mouth for fear of said horse puking up a gut-full of grain and hay. Instead I have the not-so-pleasant symptom of Ass-Mouth.

What is Ass-Mouth?

Let’s just say that within minutes of eating anything the taste that remains can only be described as ASS. It’s a symptom I remember vividly with Vivienne which subsided with her demise, unfortunately. So I use that as a gage and that as long as everything continues to leave an ASS-y aftertaste, I can feel some small measure of comfort.

It will be another two weeks before my next appointment. At that time, I may be granted a reprieve from the daily progesterone (PIO) shots. To date on this cycle, I’ve had 42 PIO injections – 21 to each hip, but who’s counting?

I have also removed the password from a select number of posts from my other site that chronicles these past few weeks, just in case you are in need of some way of avoiding doing the dishes, vacuuming, surgery or anything else that requires either physical or mental activity. Yes, it very well could be that dull. The Ball would be probably just as good as place to start as any.

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37 thoughts on “no. 562 – Letting the Cat Out”

  1. I’ve been lurking, I’ll admit. You’ve been on my heart & I’ve been praying for the best possible Christmas present for you.
    Just wanted to come out of the lurking closet to say hello again & that my prayers will not stop until you are holding your babe.

  2. I am sending all my positive and sticky (as in, stick in there, little embryo!) thoughts your way. I won’t use the C word for fear of a jinx. But I’m happy for you and hopeful that all continues to go as it should.

  3. Yeah, I know the ass mouth. But hey, it’s better than puking.

    I’m so glad you got to see that little heart thumping away today. I know the fear won’t go away, but hopefully you can ease it a bit by writing here.

    Oh & Ms. Co-worker? Despite the temptation, you really shouldn’t tell anyone. How would you feel in a similar situation?

  4. Ass mouth can be good, since it lets you track symptoms, but be warned, you might be like me and it will be suddenly suspended for certain foods you crave.

    Delish, but it does freak me out.

  5. I had something similar when I was pregnant. This persistant nasty taste in my mouth that just wouldn’t shift.

    It’s scary to take the risk of being pregnant again, but it’s also the risk we have to take, right?

    J

  6. I know the fear will never completely go away but I am really rooting for you and hoping that 2008 brings us both what we want. Will continue to keep everything crossed for you. xx

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