no. 570 – Pandora

Thanks for the bitch-slapping. I guess I am the one paying the bills on this blog and until some generous benefactor comes along and donates the $54.andsomeoddcents a year, I will carry on with business as usual.

I guess I was worried that I wouldn’t have anything of interest to offer. I’m not puking 24/7 or bleeding or cramping or gestating quints. There’s no drama! Where’s the fothermucking drama?!

I still have quite a bit of concern in the next few weeks because everything looked this normal with Vivienne as well. And even after that, there’s no telling how this will end. Hell, I could be on the op table getting my c-section and I could go into cardiac arrest…(note to self, need to leave instructions with husband on how to update blog in case of untimely demise because fellow bloggers will be pissed if I stopped blogging all together).

What I’ve been thinking about more than ever is telling. Mr. DD told the secretary at work because she knew about the donor egg cycle. I told the So. Co. niece two weeks ago. And that’s it. Not even our parents know. . . even though Mr. DD’s mother has been asking every time she sees him. She never asks me.

When I brought home the 10 wk scan picture yesterday, I had it on the fridge to show Mr. DD. He asked if I showed XBoy and I stared back at him as if he had grown a penis right out between his eyes (no, not with wonder…stop it). I would love nothing more than to tell XBoy, but I would also hate nothing more than to tell him after the fact: "Nope, sorry. No baby sister/brother for you this summer. Just kidding!"

I’ve read online some suggestions on when to tell, but it just makes me feel sick how blithely these experts answer the question ("tell them when the pregnancy is well established" – WTF?). I thought about telling XBoy when/if I can feel Murdock move so it can become something more than just an abstract anomaly. That means a possibility of another 8 weeks or so. It’s doable except for one minor snag: I have to tell my mother very soon.

Why do I have to tell my Mom? Well, she’s heading to Jordan to see my sister and she’ll be gone for three months. I don’t think she’ll be too happy to come back and find me (surprise!) obviously pregnant. But by telling my Mom, I risk someone letting the cat out of the bag in front of my son before I have told him and I can’t tell you how that makes me shudder to think that my son could hear it from anyone other than his Mom and Dad.

It’s just been hard keeping it a secret. And while it’s exciting, it also has that very distinct odor of Pandora’s Box that I’m just not ready to deal with right now.