no. 570 – Pandora

Thanks for the bitch-slapping. I guess I am the one paying the bills on this blog and until some generous benefactor comes along and donates the $54.andsomeoddcents a year, I will carry on with business as usual.

I guess I was worried that I wouldn’t have anything of interest to offer. I’m not puking 24/7 or bleeding or cramping or gestating quints. There’s no drama! Where’s the fothermucking drama?!

I still have quite a bit of concern in the next few weeks because everything looked this normal with Vivienne as well. And even after that, there’s no telling how this will end. Hell, I could be on the op table getting my c-section and I could go into cardiac arrest…(note to self, need to leave instructions with husband on how to update blog in case of untimely demise because fellow bloggers will be pissed if I stopped blogging all together).

What I’ve been thinking about more than ever is telling. Mr. DD told the secretary at work because she knew about the donor egg cycle. I told the So. Co. niece two weeks ago. And that’s it. Not even our parents know. . . even though Mr. DD’s mother has been asking every time she sees him. She never asks me.

When I brought home the 10 wk scan picture yesterday, I had it on the fridge to show Mr. DD. He asked if I showed XBoy and I stared back at him as if he had grown a penis right out between his eyes (no, not with wonder…stop it). I would love nothing more than to tell XBoy, but I would also hate nothing more than to tell him after the fact: "Nope, sorry. No baby sister/brother for you this summer. Just kidding!"

I’ve read online some suggestions on when to tell, but it just makes me feel sick how blithely these experts answer the question ("tell them when the pregnancy is well established" – WTF?). I thought about telling XBoy when/if I can feel Murdock move so it can become something more than just an abstract anomaly. That means a possibility of another 8 weeks or so. It’s doable except for one minor snag: I have to tell my mother very soon.

Why do I have to tell my Mom? Well, she’s heading to Jordan to see my sister and she’ll be gone for three months. I don’t think she’ll be too happy to come back and find me (surprise!) obviously pregnant. But by telling my Mom, I risk someone letting the cat out of the bag in front of my son before I have told him and I can’t tell you how that makes me shudder to think that my son could hear it from anyone other than his Mom and Dad.

It’s just been hard keeping it a secret. And while it’s exciting, it also has that very distinct odor of Pandora’s Box that I’m just not ready to deal with right now.

12 thoughts on “no. 570 – Pandora”

  1. Hmmmmm. If I were in your situation, I think I would hold off telling X a lot of details. The others are right in that kids perception of time is way off. I remember telling S1 that I was pregnant with S3 and he promptly forgot all about it till he heard me bitching about S3 kicking my ribs. You might be better off telling him that you are hoping to have a baby in the house sometime next summer and leave it alone unless he asks. Honestly I have known kids that didn’t even notice their moms swelling bellies…kids are narcissistic creatures anyway so if it doesn’t effect his daily love from your or his favorite toys being taken away, he probably won’t give it too much thought (if he is like my kids anyway).

    As for mom, can you offer to take her to the airport and tell her there?? 😉 She can shout it out to all the flight attendants but won’t be near X so it would be harder for her to slip. I would make sure you look her directly in the eye and tell her not to mention anything baby related anywhere X could pick up on it though until you are at a comfortable place in your mind with Murdock.

  2. I’d say wait to tell. Beagle made a good point that you have to be protective/careful with X-Boy. If there is even a chance that your secret will be leaked out, then don’t tell more than you have to.
    I figure, the more people are told the more have to be “un-told” should something happen and that tends to create more drama than I think you want to deal with, considering you have enough on your plate right now.
    I’m guessing your mom has a least a little bit of an idea of how much you’ve gone through w/previous pregnancies? She should be understanding of your being cautious regarding this one.
    Ok, that’s my .02. Good to hear that things are moving along positively!

  3. I always tell my students, “save the drama for yo momma!”. We don’t want drama, we want you to have a healthy pregnancy. You don’t have to entertain us (but you do a damn good job of it!!), so don’t worry about providing us with drama. About telling… I think you will know when it feels right. If people don’t understand your reasons, screw them.

    10 weeks. Congrats.

  4. My mother would have a holy fit if I kept something from her. But she would get over it, and I think your Mom would too. How could she be mad when you could be delivering (pun intended) such happy news in the form of Murdock (would you tell her you named your unborned child Murdock? lol)?

    So, if your the least bit leaning towards NOT telling, stick with it.

  5. Hey, just remember– you are the one who is pregnant. IF anyone (adult-aged) gets upset by the chain of notification, look them straight in the eye and say, ‘Hey, I’m pregnant and so deleriously happy your lucky I remember your name right now..!’


  6. Here’s how I feel about the drama: I would LOVE for you NEVER to have drama ever again. I don’t want the drama or the complications. I would love for you to have a smooth pregnancy and easy delivery/c-section. No colic or BF issues. I would really love for you to be happy. And who would read then? Well, I for one certainly would. And I bet others would too. So don’t fret over the lack of nausea or bleeding or just a mere singleton gestating quietly beneath your heart. I’m just happy to hear all is well. Now go have a nice weekend!

  7. So that’s two votes for don’t tell and one for do.

    I don’t know. I’m secretive by nature but I’m not sure what I’d do in your shoes.

    But if you’re worried, I’d say a) you come first. b) protecting x also comes first. c) you’re mum’s a big girl so that real toss up is whether she’s able to keep a secret vs whether she’ll get over it if you wait to tell.


    As for lacking drama . . . you can borrow mine.
    (not that I’m suggesting that you really want any drama. Or, you could always just be a fiction writer for a while if you get too bored?)

  8. Does X-Boy get it? Yes, I know he gets it that he will have a sibling, but the whole 9 months baby growing thing. I think it was you who so appropriately said….age appropriate information for kids. Kids have such an abstract sense of time that even if you tell him you pg how will think it is a century until summer comes. I was about his age when my mom was pg with my sister (btw – great age gap…we were never too close to be in each others business and I love her today). I don’t remember her ever telling me she was pg, I am sure she did, but it just did not translate. I wanted a baby sister but I didn’t get the process. The moment that stands out in my mind is when we were at the science museum and she put the heartbeat doppler on her stomach for me to hear. From that point on I got it – there was a real baby in her tummy. What came out was not what I expected, but that is another story.

    So, determine why you want to tell X-Boy. If you feel he can handle (or you can handle having to convey to his understanding) everything that can happen at this point (not that anything is, just covering the bases) then go ahead and tell him. Don’t expect a certain reaction though. He may not get it, or he may. He will definitely get it when he feels a kick or hears a heartbeat or sees a blurry black and white ultrasound photo. All these things will come along soon, yes, not soon enough, I agree.

    About your mom, since I am on an assvice spree, also determine why you want to tell her? It would be a wonderful thing for her to know and she would be a great person to share your story with if you are itching to do so – I would be bursting to tell someone, anyone other than cyber chicks. You seem to have a close relationship and I am certain she would understand & honor your choice either to or not to tell X-Boy.

    Glad you are not leaving us.

  9. Chuckle, definitely tell your mother, she’ll freak if you don’t, and you don’t need that drama. Reality is that if you told even one person, I’m betting all the adults in the family know and are desperately trying not to ask. Heck, they’ve likely been checking out your waist and boobs for bumpwatch, and trying to figure out if you’ve been drinking or not, etc.

    They will be decent and kind about not talking in front of x-boy though. He’s so little that they’ll want to shield him.

    But after a while, it will get obvious to X-boy that something is going on one way or another. I doubt you’ll be able to hide the pregnancy until term! Why don’t you wait until you talk to your OB and ask him his opinion based on your history on when you are in a “safe zone?”

  10. I think your mom will understand. Down the road, tell her you were waiting on the nuchal u/s or that you wanted to make it past Vivienne’s dates. Those are quite valid reasons she’d understand. Besides, if you tell your mom, then you’re by default telling your sister and her family. That’s a lot to deal with almost all at once. Trust your own timeline.

    PS – I still resectfully request no belly shots!

  11. Hmmm…do you really have to tell your mom? I mean, she’s going to be gone for so long and it’s not like you’ll be in contact with her much while she’s there (that’s assuming a lot on my part, so pardon me if I’m way off). Other than chatting with her about your pregnancy, does it matter? I mean, obviously if you want to tell her, by all means. But if you don’t, is it necessary to? Couldn’t she understand your reasons for not telling her?

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