no. 588 – Hot, Cross, Buns

Yesterday, after work, I went to the grocery store. While waiting in the check-out line, I perused the magazines and picked out In Style to take home with me.

The current issue has Halle Barry in the cliche Madonna pose where she has a hand under her gestating abdomen. The checker looked over the cover while I was preparing my payment and she said, "Oh! Do you have a bun in the oven?"

I physically froze while in my head, I was saying What. The. Fuck!

"Haha! Me? No!" I answered.

What kind of question is that for a complete stranger to ask another person, a customer, based on the cover of a magazine? Sure, I’m probably overreacting to it (as some in the "fertile" community believe we do, but screw them because I am not only entitled to my bitterness, I fucking earned it!), but it really bothered me.

Even worse, what if this had happened to me six months ago, just after my last miscarriage? Or in my two-week wait, or shit! any other time for any one of us?!

Here’s the cover, by the way. I should mention as I was reading through her article that the writer noted that she was about to "give birth any minute!" when in fact, she’s not due until March. Yep. That’s any minute now. Idiot.


no. 587 – Working On My Avoidance Skills

I’m in full avoidance mode right now, if you couldn’t have guessed. It’s probably because this is the week that will either make this my second longest pregnancy . . . or not.

This weekend I did something truly asinine: I repeated the action I took the weekend before I found out I had lost Vivienne and went to The Metro to shop for clothes. It wasn’t until I was half-way there that I realized that the deja vu feeling I was having wasn’t a feeling at all. It was real. I’m sure I looked like a real idiot talking myself down while on the interstate, clutching the steering wheel. On the other hand, with the number of hands-free telephone devices and American Idol wannabes, I only looked foolish to myself.

Who could blame me then that when I eventually got home, my first task was to use the implement of torture itself – the doppler. For what it’s worth, don’t get a doppler before 14 weeks. I am now getting a little better at finding the heartbeat, but its so easy to pass over since the baby has to be just in the right position even if you have the doppler right on top of it. For a while, the noises I thought I heard were just my guts churning. Now I’m wondering if it wasn’t Murdock farting in the general direction of the doppler as if to say, "You want to hear something? Hear this! Fffrrrppt!"

It’s nice to know I have general immunity from the "s/he gets it from you" argument. I can blame Mr. DD for everything. It’ll take him a while before he pulls the nurture card on me.

Other than the avoidance of my own current situation, I admit I’m avoiding many others out there. Specifically the links to a miscarriage or infant loss. I feel like such an ass for not being able to provide support, except silently and distantly, but it’s all I can do without either feeling unwelcome or it sending me down a spiral of paranoia over my own situation.

To wit: I still haven’t made any preparations for this summer, except to order blinds for the spare bedroom. I figure if it continued to be the spare bedroom, I would need blinds to replace the temporary paper ones I put up last year.

no. 586 – The Feast

You know how some things just tickle your funny bone, probably more than they should?

This snickers commercial isn’t necessarily hysterical on its own, but when I think about it later and imagine the toga guy waving his hands over the "feast" and exclaiming how it’s ruined, I giggle.

I will soooo be using that line the next time we are out to eat and XBoy and Mr. DD get into a mental tug-o-war.

no. 585 – Pick a Winner

If you had to describe what kind of blog I have here, or the kind of topics I cover, you just might lean towards the following:

  • Infertility
  • Secondary infertility
  • Miscarriages
  • IUIs
  • Donor Sperm
  • IVFs
  • Donor Egg
  • Parenting
  • Etc, etc, etc, in the same vein

But would you believe that of all the keyword searches that end up here on this blog, the number one search is in regards to boogers?

This post is what started it all, nearly a year ago. I’m not even at the top of the search, but number 10 when it comes to "bloody boogers".

Wow. My claim to fame: Boogers.

What would be yours?