no. 582 – Polyester and Boob Bows

Last week I mentioned to Mr. DD that I had to get to The Metro to do some shopping. The bellaband has been sufficient for making do, but unless they make a hippaband or a thighaband, I was going to have to upgrade.

Mr. DD, in his infamously sweet and romantic way, responded, "Should you be showing already?"


What an ass, because I guarantee you that he probably has not one iota of a clue what week I’m in, much less know when a woman should start "showing" or not.

Don’t worry. I left his nutsack unscathed.

I have tried to shop at Target over the past couple weeks. I’ll walk up to the maternity clothing section and then turn the opposite direction. I just couldn’t commit. The only other place to buy any maternity clothing in my town is at a rinky-dink department store; not even the JCPenneys here carries a line. The amount Rinky-Dink had in their store probably filled about six clothing racks (and that includes the two to three racks of clearanced items that all have weird flouncy bows attached under the boob).

Finally I caved and bought nine items. Of the nine, five were returned the next day after I had a chance to try them on and freak the fuck right out of myself as I looked in my bathroom mirror, including the one pair of pants I thought I could make work.

I was left with no choice but to go back to Target and see which of the polyester pants would make me least likely to break out into hives.

I didn’t bother asking Mr. DD this morning if the pair I was wearing made my ass look big.


On an unrelated-related note: this morning while Mr. DD was making XBoy breakfast and I was in the bedroom, I sneezed. From the kitchen I heard Mr. DD and XBoy, "bless you". Awwww, how sweet.

Then a few minutes later after a coughing fit, I had my head in the sink doing the dry-heave dance (you know, the one where you stomp your foot with every violent contraction of your stomach while keeping your mouth centered over the drain), and do you think I got one word of sympathy, much less a bless you from either of those two? Nope. In fact, when I told Mr. DD that puking on an empty stomach isn’t too bad, I was told that I was giving up TMI.

How rude. Everyone’s pretty quick with the "bless you" when I sneeze, or even the "excuse you!" when I burp or fart, but heaven forbid I make it the family business when I hurl.

8 thoughts on “no. 582 – Polyester and Boob Bows”

  1. That’s a big step. I remember walking exclusively down the outside aisles of Tarzhay just to avoid the maternity section in the middle. Hoping you find some good pants (I detest that part)!

    And hello? No sympathy for the puking? Hang in there, sweetie. Empty stomach or no, it can really, really suck.

  2. I have a box of maternity clothes waiting with your name on them if you want them. Just say the word and I will ship them to you.

    I am just so happy that all is still going well for you.

  3. Why do they refuse to make maternity clothes in natural fibers? I want some cotton! I bought a couple of items from ebay and have been given a couple of items from a friend who just gave birth. I haven’t been able to bring myself to buy anything retail – it just seems so optimistic.

    Sorry about the dry heaving. Doesn’t sound like fun!

  4. Once I puked in the bathroom sink after eating Prego sauce (honest to God–I never put the name together till just this minute!) BigD cleaned it up–that was 25 years ago and he hasn’t cleaned any puke up since. Not mine, not the kids, not even the animals.

    Mr. DD better guard the sack really don’t want to piss of a pukey lady!

  5. Reminds me of my BFF’s husband, who when she remarked that she was craving a glass of milk, said “isn’t it a little too early for cravings, dear?” I’m not sure she left his nutsack intact – you’re a better woman than I.

    And. Umm. Bless you.

    Puking in the sink… probably the worst. Ever.

  6. I wish I hadn’t sold off all my stuff, I had jeans from Pea in the Pod and a few shirts from there as well. I need to have good jeans – pregnant or not pregnant. Old Navy has some good maternity stuff. Have you tried them?

    Also, I bought a lot of my maternity on ebay. Good stuff and decent prices.

  7. Bless you and here’s a towel! Darn men, sometimes! I’m surprised you didn’t go after him after the comment and the “tmi” stuff.

    I hated shopping for maternity clothes. I will say that Motherhood Maternity in the mall at the Metro is decent w/selection and price. Perhaps that’s an option?

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