no. 605 – Letting the Cat Out

There’s so much more now on the line. We told XBoy about Murdock, and as most of you guessed he responded excitedly. Thankfully, there were no technical questions we had to answer just an affirmation that yes, I will get fatter. I let him listen to the heartbeat with the doppler and even used it on him.

I wasn’t sure if he would dwell on it, and thankfully he hasn’t. Every once in a while he’ll ask baby-specific questions: "Did you keep my baby stuff?" "Can the baby sleep in my room?" "Can we take the baby to the beach this year?", but I’m actually grateful that he doesn’t constantly go on. One person in the household obsessing about it was enough.

That was Wednesday. Then Saturday night, out with Mr. DD’s parents, XBoy told his grandparents. They were uncharacteristically happy about the news. I say "uncharacteristically" because they are very stoic people. My MIL was glad to hear that "we finally got one to stick."

But now I’m even more paranoid that something will go bad. I’m glad we told XBoy about the doppler so I can go use it without having to sneak away. It doesn’t help that I still haven’t felt any movement at 18 1/2 weeks, even though it’s not uncommon for women to feel movement earlier in subsequent pregnancies. I can’t even say I’ve thought I’ve felt movement.

That and my perception that physically I’ve had little change leads me to joke outwardly with the few friends that know that I’m going to give birth to a child with tyrannosaurus rex limbs which are ineffectively punching at my uterus. I try to use logic when I’m out of jokes that it’s all about fetal placement; or maybe I had nerve damage from my c-section and can’t feel the movement.

It’s what these past few years have been full of: outward jokes to deflect the standard platitudes and inward bargaining and reasoning, both used to keep me as sane as possible. It’s exhausting and I can’t plan any further ahead than tomorrow. It’s "funny" how with each milestone I think I can relax, and so far I haven’t reached any one particular milestone that I have really felt that my guard can come down. I sincerely doubt I will.

19 thoughts on “no. 605 – Letting the Cat Out”

  1. X-boy’s questions are very cute. I’m glad telling him went so well. I never felt a lot of movement even with 3 cram in there. But I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed that little Murdock starts doing backflips soon just so you can have a few moments of peace.

  2. Glad it went well telling XBoy, and it sounds like MIL had a nice reaction (a good thing given all the asinine things we IFs hear along the way).

    I definitely agree that placental placement (anterior) can affect the amount of movement you can detect at this stage. Hoping that soon you can feel every kick and roll. That was the only part that eventually helped me feel better for longer periods of the day…. day by day.

  3. Just wanted you to know that I’ll be thinking of you while we’re gone, and hope that you’re feeling lots of movement by the time we are back!

  4. DD,
    I had hit and miss feelings of movement around 19 weeks but then would go days without feeling anything. The fear doesn’t go away until you are holding them in your arms. I still can’t believe she is really here and that I am not just watching somenone elses baby and they are going to come take her away. I am so happy that so far all is well. You know I am in your corner cheering you on all the way.

  5. I agree with the above comments regarding placental placement. My first was anterior and I hardly ever felt her move. The other was placenta previa (over the cervix) and I felt that kid constantly from 14 weeks on. Anterior placentas act like giant shock absorbers!!

  6. May I didn’t know what to look for, but I didn’t feel movement….a head under my rib cage, I felt that, but I didn’t feel movement with the twins. The folks talking about placental placement could have it right 🙂

  7. Ditto on the placental placement, my sister in law had an anterior placenta and said she almost never felt movement the whole pregnancy.

  8. Anna is right about the position of the placenta. Even still, mine was posterior and I didn’t feel my second pregnancy until around 19 weeks.

    Congrats for telling, but I understand the fears. It’s hard enough to deal with something going wrong if only you know, but much harder when everyone knows. I didn’t tell with Andy until I was showing. And even still I told everyone not to ask me everyday how things were going.

    It’s natural to want to protect yourself. But damn girl… you are doing great.

  9. After all the challenges you’ve experienced, it’s no wonder you can’t relax. Someone once told me that you can worry all day long, or you can choose a 15-minute window of time to worry your brains out. Once I looked at it like that, I started to chill a bit…

  10. Is it possible your placenta is positioned anteriorly? That would certainly muffle the movement. When is your next scan? Hang in there, DD. I too remember living from scan to scan and wigging out in between. Here’s to an uneventful pregnancy and a smooth delivery. I’m rooting for you guys. 🙂

  11. I totally hear you on the which milestone will be the one I can relax at thing. I though 12 weeks would be it, but nope.

    Think I’ll worry for the duration, too.


  12. I will say that with my second pregnancy I didn’t feel movement until about 22 weeks. With my first it was about 17 weeks. My son (the first) was much more active and my daughter much more docile in the womb. I wouldn’t put much into not feeling movement yet! I’m happy for you that the in-laws had such a good reaction.

  13. I’m glad it went well and Xboy is excited.

    As for no feeling yet… second pregnancy babies generally have more room to knock about in (sigh), so it might take a bit longer to feel him knocking about.

  14. I was wondering when you were going to tell him – I knew if was coming up, but in my blogging absesnce I feared I missed it. Glad it went well and that you did not have to answer the where babies come from question, although with DIVF that would be kind of freaky fun and entirely confusing.

    There is always so much more to lose when it is acknowledged openly. I am personally buying into the c-section nerve damage thing, although, would you feel anything at 18/19 weeks anyway? Perhaps this child is calm and prefers to start out life by not kicking their mother from the inside out.

    Gotta get back to work, but thinking of you in Mpls.

Leave a Reply to Erin Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s