no. 628 – Breaking Ground

XBoy: When I eat food it goes through my body and comes out my poop hole.

Me, correcting him: Anus.

XBoy: And when I drink something, it goes through my body and comes out my penis.

Me: Hm-mmm.

XBoy: But when you drink something, it doesn’t come out your penis ’cause you don’t have one. It comes out of your poop-…anus.

Me: Uh, well, no. Girls may not have penises but their pee comes out a different hole.

* break ground with shovel *

XBoy: Where?

Me: Do you remember when you would help changing the girl babies’ diapers at daycare? They have a vulva and in the vulva are two holes, one is a urethra and the other is the vagina. Girls pee out their urethra.

* start digging hole *

XBoy: What’s the vajna (sic) for?

Me: Babies come out of a Mommy’s tummy through the vagina.

* continue digging *

XBoy: No they don’t. They come out of the tummy after the doctor cuts it open.

Me: Well, that’s how you came out, but most babies come out of the vagina. You had to come out through the tummy because the doctor said you weren’t going to come out the other way and you had to come out quickly.

* still digging and telling myself to just shut the fuck up already *

XBoy: Oh.

XBoy: Mommy?

Me: Yes.

* holding my breath and wondering just how the hell did I end up in this discussion *

XBoy: Can I have a WebKinz?

Me: Of course!

* breathing sigh of relief as I crawl out of the deep hole I had dug myself into *