no. 633 – A Senior at Heart

Remember the senior pictures from yesteryear?

Mallbangs_2Pinchroll_2 Bangs up to heaven and the bottom of your jeans were pinch-rolled? I guess I should clarify: if you were graduating from high-school in the 80’s. You younger bitches just didn’t have style, I’m telling you.

Your poses, if you had pictures taken in a independent studio, were pretty basic: head shot where you sat with your body turned three-quarters and facing the camera (chin down…we don’t want to see up your nostrils!) Maybe you had one where you rested your chin on your fist, which always looked as if someone was giving you an uppercut; and for those with truly daring photographers, a full-body pose outside wearing a denim mini-skirt, scrunch boots, a big ole’ hip belt and pink bandanna. (Oh, yes. I did. It was my first realization that while I may have been a size nothin’ at the time, my thighs were like crystal balls into my future of cellulite).

The world changes, but as I get older, the more I start muttering about today’s youth like the crazy cat lady who refuses to buy groceries from any area of the grocery store but the pet aisle.

Senior pictures today look like either head-shots for a remake of Showgirls; or a cover shot of a Christian songs CD. Examples?

Showgirl_2  This one’s pretty tame picture considering some I’ve seen. Others have girls posed in a way where it looks like they aren’t wearing a top/bra. Moms: you must be so proud! 

Girls aren’t the only ones who find themselves lured by the potential myspace avatar’s siren: guys are just as guilty. In fact, the inspiration for this post came from a senior portrait displayed proudly in our local mall. Before I show you that one, here’s one I really don’t get…

Hatsilo Really? This is a senior picture??

Is it wrong that for as much as I love artistic photos, I hate this? Therein lies how old I’ve become. What will senior portraits be like when XBoy or Murdock reaches that age? CT scans of their brains, colorized?

If nothing else, I can guarantee that every one of these kids will look back on their pictures in 20 years and wonder what the fuck were they thinking. Don’t you?

Here’s the picture that was being used to advertise a local photographer’s studio. Sorry about my reflection in the glass and the quality – still using my phone because our good laptop is still in ICU (after being sent three sets of HP start-up discs where the first two sets were defective…I’m hating on HP).

Seniorsword Are your eyes deceiving you, you ask?

Oh, no…it’s really a kid wearing a polo and wielding a sword.

I can’t explain why I feel the uncontrollable desire to kick this kid’s ass.

14 thoughts on “no. 633 – A Senior at Heart”

  1. My absolute favorite senior photo was from a friend of mine. He was goingto Florida State after graduation, so he took a picture in a FSU sweatshirt. Well, the way he was sitting, all you could see were the “f” and the “u”. I *still* love it. 🙂

  2. Oh dear god the hair. The hair! I could never get that much rise out of mine, but my one friend did. Made her like 6″ taller. I opted for the tight curly perm/mullet combo. With those huge 80’s plastic frames for my glasses and neon elastics for my braces. Yeah, I was hot. I could strut my ass in 501’s and hightops, though.

  3. I couldn’t read any of your post after thinking of pegged jeans and seeing that photo of Ma, Pa, and Baby Hair.

    Totally lost.

    And now I need a drink. Badly.

  4. I’m sorry, but WTF? That chick’s picture is hideous, HIDEOUS! I would never, as a parent, pay for that kind of crap. Instead of being her senior high picture it looks like her drunk ass passed out at her senior prom. And the sword? How retarded! What dork would actually do that?

  5. Thanks for the wonderful laugh this morning! That kid has got to be the photographer’s son, because no parent in their mind would actually PAY for that picture!

  6. OMG, I had COMPLETELY forgotten about the pinch rolled jeans. Until your post. ACK! Oh, tje fashion nightmares I used to display…

    Thankfully, at 37, at least I have finally found a hairstyle that suits me.

    Those portraits are a trip. Nothing like feeding into adolescent narcissism.

  7. I am dreading pictures like these—I already dread picture day as it is and the arguments about why they need to get haircuts and then actually comb their hair, with a COMB, and smile properly.

    And yeah I might spring for some nice pictures of my kids at grad, but only of our family and under circumstances and poses I get to pick. They want to look like goofs? Let them pay with their own money.

  8. No need to explain, DD. No need to explain. My feet are twitching too.

    I had no idea that senior pictures were even done, that’s how out of it I am. Back in my day (the day, incidentally, that your first shot hails from), the high school photographer simply came and took pictures of all of us. And we still had money left over for bad perms!

    You’re right — pictures like that serve only to make the subject laugh later on, and everyone else to laugh pretty much immediately.

  9. What I find even more disturbing than those pictures – what the hell is with that girl having acrylic nails I know, I know they are all doing it, but that $40 every two weeks would go a long ways towards buying college books off my soapbox now – is that my good friend told me some people pay as much as $5000 for their kid’s senior pictures. WTF?

  10. The pic with the sword is bad. But I cannot get over that girl – that’s a senior picture??? You have *got* to be kidding. Please, please say you’re kidding?

    I’m thinking maybe we should start a posting your senior pic meme. tee hee.

  11. I don’t think you need to kick that kid’s ass. I have a feeling it’s already happened a few times.

    I’m looking for my senior pic. I had the classic waterfall bangs. You know, rising on the right and sweeping down over the left eye. That explains why I still can’t see well out of that eye.

  12. Ok, I admit it, I am a horrid mother. The studio that our high school contracts with gives all the kids a “free” shot for the yearbook. My kids got that. They asked if they could get the package where they take 5 changes of clothes and have the option of indoor and outdoor shots. This package is $395.00. As soon as they get jobs after college, they are going back to have that package done.

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