no. 637 – Ask You Once, Shame On Me; Ask You Twice, Nag On You

Do you know what the difference is between politely requesting a domicile task and nagging?

When you’ve made the request tenfuckingmillion times already, it becomes nagging.

Here’s a list of the things I now nag about:

If you had to open the door to get into the room, shut the door when you leave it, e.g. the laundry room door, especially when the 20 year old dryer is grinding and pounding as if a rabid badger was trapped inside. This makes it impossible for me to hear Tyra Banks snark on one of the model wannabes inability to look "fierce".

Put your clothes in the hamper. Not just your pants/shirt. The underwear and socks, too. Especially the underwear and socks since they are completely vile and it’s bad enough I have to touch them at some point to transfer them to the washing machine. Make a game of hoops out of it, if you have to. I don’t leave my pregnancy panties strewn about, now do I?

On a related note: Do not put your dirty socks on the kitchen counter, because Duuude! that is so fucking janetjacksonnasty! And c’mon, you just walked by the laundry room (that you left the door open on….again), how hard is it for you to just put your socks in the basket?

Throw your nose tampons in the trash. Do not leave them on the bed/couch/counter/nightstand. (What? You don’t know what a nose tampon is? It’s when you take a tissue and roll it up into a tampon-shaped device and shove it up your nose to clear out those pesky boogers that won’t come out through regular blowing.) Again, I don’t leave my tampons around the house, all willy-nilly.

When you are done with the dishcloth, please rinse it, wring it, and lay it next to the sink. Now this one, being multi-directional, can be confusing, but please….a dishcloth shouldn’t be an all-you-can-eat buffet, complete with a fountain drink, to errant cockroaches and mice.

And finally after you come inside from the garage, please take off your shoes and put them away. Yes, those shoes that you have tracked through spilled motor-vehicle paint, solvents and adhesive from work. No, I don’t care that you are going to put them back on, because you aren’t going to be putting them back on for at least another two hours since you will insist on taking a break to lounge around on the couch in your spilled motor-vehicle, solvent and adhesive soaked work clothes to watch America’s Next Top Model with me (even if you make some really funny remarks about Tyra’s current weave).

I’m going to put my shoes back on in 12 hours, but I don’t leave them somewhere a pregnant woman could trip and fall over. Plus, you see this area that divides the garage from the kitchen? It’s a "mud room"! With built in cubbies! For each of us! To hang your coat and put your shoes in! How fucking awesome is that! I know it’s been only two years since we’ve lived here and it can take you a decade to figure these things out. I respect that in you, a man, who is oblivious to anything that doesn’t have gears, or control buttons, or a flat screen. I still love you.

Of course, you could always refer to this website about why women nag and how men should respond to it. I’m not quite sure why the very simple solution to nagging wasn’t mentioned and that is LIVE IT – LEARN IT the first time and then, Dear Heart, you would never have to hear me mention it again.

Otherwise, there’s the old stand-by, Common Sense, right? Oh, yeah, you’re a man. Never mind. I lost my head there for a moment. I can’t be the only one…am I?

14 thoughts on “no. 637 – Ask You Once, Shame On Me; Ask You Twice, Nag On You”

  1. OH, wait, I have one. How about when you ask them to go look for it and they go into a room, STAND THERE and say “I can’t find it.” Like they expect it to JUMP out at them…
    what’s worse is my son has started doing it and HE”S THREEEEEE!

  2. The other day I asked one of my male family members to please turn on the light over the stove as I was cooking. He turned on 3 other lights before he found the right one….we have lived here since he was 2, he turned 18 yesterday.

  3. Why can’t men find anything. Because they insist on looking through stuff instead of picking it up or looking on the other side. It’s innate. Even my son does it.

  4. Seriously!!! What IS it about men v women that makes this such an issue? NONE of the things you ask is at all difficult, all they take is about, oh, 0.5 seconds.

    The one the drives me most nuts is that when M takes Ant out for an afternoon, I *clean*. When I take Ant out, M watches television. And I come home to a house in exactly the same state of mess I left it in. ARGH!!!

  5. OMG! You made me laugh out loud!! J puts his BASKETBALL SNEAKERS on the counter! GROSS! We eat there sometimes. Please explain to me how they think that is okay??

  6. How about never closing the door when he’s using the bathroom. No matter how many times I say “why exactly do you think I want to hear you peeing?” I figure once the baby starts walking and following him in there he’ll close the door.

  7. Oh, you are DEFINITELY not alone. Last night I asked J to put in a load of laundry. That’s what he did. He put it into the washing machine.

    Now ask me if he added detergent or turned it on?

  8. Don’t get me started! Dishes on the counter but NOT the dishwasher RIGHT UNDER IT or the sink RIGHT BESIDE IT. Will walk around a pile of junk instead of just putting it away. Grinds cheerios into carpet (accidentally, of course) instead of picking them up! And the icing on the cake? Made pancakes for everyone BUT ME this am…he didn’t think I would want any but didn’t even ask, then I found 2 in the TRASH! ARRRRGGGHHH!!!

    It’s a wonder I ain’t kilt him by now.

  9. Agh!!!I find used kleenex all of the house. You know what my idiot husband’s excuse is? He plans to use that kleenex again. What! Are we really that poor that we have to use a kleenex twice before getting a new one? Am I going to start having to save toilet paper for a second use?

  10. What is it with married men and sox?

    Here is my sock method: go on strike. Refuse to wash any sock that is not in the hamper. (Or in our case, any sock that is also rolled into an insideout ball of stink).

    When he runs out of socks, he’ll get it. Mine did. But he relapses. Then we go back to step one.

    No one talks about this aspect of happily ever after!

  11. If I can’t get my husband to stop leaving lights on and ceiling fans on, there might just be a murder here at our house. Our electric bills are so high, especially in the summer because this man cannot for the life of him realize that ceiling fans provide instant relief. There is no need to keep it running in a room you are no longer occupying, in an effort to cool it down. A ceiling fan does not reduce the temperature in a room it only fans you so you feel cooler. Hence the name ceiling FAN.

    Sorry, I got carried away didn’t I?

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