TO SLEEP, PERCHANCE TO DREAM

Sleeping, which use to be one of my fave past times, has basically become the stuff of nightmares. Pardon the pun (that counts as a pun, right?).

Basically I wake up every hour, on the hour. Not because I have to go to the bathroom. I wake because my hips, cranked now to maximum width (just ask my trousers), cannot handle the pressure of laying on them for more than an hour and I wake in pain. I do take that moment to waddle into the bathroom to empty my bladder, and then go back to bed to lie on the opposite side.

This process is actually easier than trying to roll from one side to the other, which is not entirely impossible but most certainly comical since it can take me one than one try to get enough momentum for the weight of my girth to pull me to the other side.

The heat of the waterbed, which I thought I would miss once we got a conventional mattress (now on the back burner) now is like a bed of coals, even with it turned to its lowest setting. As someone who required a cover on them when they sleep, regardless of the ambient air temperature, I now am flinging the comforter off the bed in sweaty aggravation. I’ve even migrated to the spare bedroom to sleep on the regular mattress because it is nice and cool. The downside is that it makes my hips hurt all the more.

Apparently I am now competing with Mr. DD in the snoring department. What slays me is when I wake up to Mr. DD’s snoring and give him that poke to get him to stop, he’ll then wake and say, “Well, you were buzzing wood when I was trying to get to sleep!” Hey, genius…YOU  got to sleep. I’M  the one awake now.

And then a recent appointment I mentioned one other strange symptom to OB: my hands are falling asleep at night. Both of them at the same time. I have tried holding them in different positions thinking maybe, just maybe, I was laying on them weird, to no avail. Come to find out that the swelling that turns mild-mannered ankles into earth shattering Cankles? It can actually bring about carpal tunnel in your hands, hence the man-hands. To minimize this, OB suggested I wear wrist splints to bed. I tried it and it didn’t help. It’s even getting so bad that when I was mowing, my left hand kept falling asleep.

My once much anticipated part of the day I use to have, the sleeping, has been reduced to suckage. You’ll have to take my word for it when I say that when the baby gets here and is waking every three hours for a feeding, it’ll be a dream come true. Three straight hours of sleep? It makes me smile just thinking about it. 

Any suggestions about the hands will be welcome. While I can make due with the achy hips and back, this is beyond my tolerance for the next six weeks.

no. 671 – Dump

I am appalled at what some people will dump in the ditches outside of town along the gravel roads. A couple years ago, two blue recliners were left in a culvert down the road from us. Last year, a TV found its way not far from there. Lord knows what other crap gets left in the middle of the night.

But what makes me absolutely livid are those people who go through the trouble of bagging their lawn clippings and then drive a couple miles outside of town to dump those clippings, bag and all, in a ditch.

How seriously lazy and egomaniacal are these people? Yard nazis who don't realize first of all how healthy it is to mulch their grass, and then can't simply open the bags and just dump the grass out. Hell, my husband and I are always willing to take our town-living friends' clippings to help improve our sandy soil.

God help any asshole I find dumping their shit in our ditches. And it WILL happen. And it WILL NOT be pretty. Fuckers.