Some friends want to throw a baby shower for me. I have told them repeatedly I don’t want one. It doesn’t seem right that a 40 year old woman with a child already should have a Baby Shower. She reminded me that the shower isn’t for me, but for Murdock and each baby should get a shower, regardless if first or fourth.

I told her that I had thought about doing something along the lines of meet and greet. We could set aside a couple of hours for all the busy bodies amongst our friends and families to stop by and marvel at the 41 year old’s physical ability to have a baby, plus a chance to snoop through the medicine cabinet and pull one another into the next room to breathlessly whisper, “My God, she got HUUUGE!”.

You know. Like a “normal” Baby Shower.

My friend argued back that I am not going to feel up to preparing for a party after the baby is born (I said it would be at my house because if I’m going to be self-conscious about my appearance, it will at least be on my turf). Personally, I don’t feel up to do anything right now, either. Some may say if I agree to do this to have it at someone else’s home because then I won’t have to clean up or I could leave when I want. Trust me. I have no problem delegating the clean up to the family hunchback or telling the super-skinny and fit friend to get the fuck out of my house after she’s told the story for the tenth time about her all-natural births of her three perfect children, all exactly 24 months apart. I have never been very socially graced, so compounding hormones into the formula gives me a perfect excuse.

So, what do you think? A shower for my age and circumstance, is that a no-no? If OK – would it be better to do it before or after Murdock makes what we all hope is a live appearance? And yes, I expect opinions to be tempered by histories of infertility and/or loss. They are usually the most sage.

Maybe I’ll take all the commenters’ names and throw them in the hat as a drawing for an autographed picture of me on the mower one of these weekends. I’d even make sure to shave my pits/legs/toes/upper lip and sexily part my eyebrows just for the photo spread. MeeeROOOWWWRRR.


Thanks for the sweet wishes for XBoy. You’re good people.

23 thoughts on “B.S. – THE OTHER DIRTY WORD”

  1. Definitely do a shower. Sorry for the delay in responding, but your last 15 posts have just finally shown up in Bloglines. Also, do you have a registry? What are particular things you need and what, if anything do you still have from x-boy?

  2. I liked the shower after having P a whole lot more than the one I had beforehand. It was scheduled before he was born, but then he showed up early and it was rescheduled. It was a lot more fun since then I could drink from the lovely bottle of champagne and eat the delicious soft cheese that they brought.

    If they want to do a shower ahead of time, ask if maybe they wouldn’t mind signing up to bring a meal or something by after Murdock is here instead of bringing gifts. That way you don’t have the house cluttered up full of things but will get useful help when she or he is here.

  3. I’m normally a 1 shower per customer kind of girl (I agree a meet and greet usually seems more appropriate for the 2nd child)…but sometimes I think the rule needs to be thrown out the window. I think when the showeree’s other child(ren) is/are older a shower is perfectly appropriate. So have one if it doesn’t make you want to poke your eyes out.

    Despite my complete hatred of showers, I’m a little sad I’ll never have one. With Sabrina, the decision to foster came quickly and I left the country so it never happened (except a little one at work which I was incredibly touched by). And with this one, we don’t know anyone to have a shower. I have some acquaintances but no real friends here yet so I find myself kind of wishing I was having one. (But if I was, I would bitch and moan and never admit to being a little thrilled by it.)

  4. i say if you want a shower (and that is totally up to you) do it after Murdock is home. Yeah the exhaustion will be a party-pooper but Murdock WILL BE THERE.
    If I were within 100 miles of you I would be there with arms full of gifts, but alas I’m across the country…
    BTW if Murdock is a girl I have a shitload of cutsie dresses I can mail you. E-mail me with an address if you’d like…
    and if Murdock is a boy I have clothes, but they wont fit him till he’s 3 or 4, but I’ll send them anyway!

  5. We don’t do showers here (except the occasional celeb who wants pics in a gossip mag) so I would go meet and greet if they really want to do one. It would be a nice way to get all the baby visits over and done with at once otherwise X Boy may get a bit tired of someone coming to coo over the baby every day for weeks not to say you.

  6. I’m all for the shower! You have people that love you and want to celebrate baby Murdock so go for it. My best friend had a shower with her first and second and with her third they have a “sprinkle”. It was an adorable invitation that basically said something about how there were leftovers from her first two but that we still wanted to celebrate the new babies arrival. We had a blast each and every time. Go for it! 🙂

  7. Register for cool stuff, and have the shower. Pity you can’t drink. Have it at someone’s house, and have a strict time limit (like 2 hours or something).

  8. As another 40 year old who just popped out a miraculously live and healthy baby, which you will be doing shortly as well, I say get the shower if someone is going to do it for you. I, unfortunately, did not get one because I refused to plan my own damn shower. I also have an older child so felt a bit strange thinking about planning my own shower. Granted Alex is 14 so I had nothing for Marjorie to come home too. Thankfully there are rummage sales. 😉

    Take the shower and I want that picture! I know it is hard not to think the worst after all you have been through but a party after Murdock arrives to celebrate the miracle that is Murdock would be fun. Plus then people will know to buy pink or blue. Yeah, I know I am sappy but Marjorie got up at 4:00 and refused to go back to sleep and now we are under a tornado watch and I am at work. See, I can’t even make sense this morning, must get coffee.

    Do what you feel most comfortable with, but if other people are willing to buy stuff for the baby so you don’t have to, I say go for it!

  9. My co-workers threw a shower for me with both kids.

    The 2nd was more of a “luncheon to welcome Baby Will” I didn’t expect it and was very touched by the efforts and lying abilities of my closest friends here at work.

    Now that one of those coworkers is expecting her 2nd (due around the same time as you, July 16)
    I’m planning her “luncheon”. She already has a girl & now is having a boy, they’re going to need blue stuff. Plus, everyone loves a luncheon right?

    Sit back, enjoy being spoiled and fawned over. Even if you wait until after Murdock shows up, let people be nice to you, you deserve it.

  10. I’m weighing in here strictly from at etiquette standpoint. No to a shower. But if they want to throw a party in Murdock’s honor, they can do it after he or she is born and then they’ll know the gender for adorable wee clothes just right for your baby.

    Plus I think for your state of mind, you won’t feel right about it until afterward anyway.

  11. My first shower was when S1 was two months old (he came to us at 3 weeks of age) and he attended. S2-no shower, they are only 17 mos. apart. S3 came along 5 years later and we had gotten rid of everything so I said ok to the shower offer and was glad I did. Man did I haul in the stuff 🙂

  12. i’m not sure. i don’t think being 40 has anything to do with it. my question is, can a person (who has had IF) have a shower and get away with it? not sure what to do about my own shower, considering.

  13. I say do whatever you feel right doing. If you really want a shower but feel weird about it, just go ahead and do it.

    Oddly, people LIKE baby showers. Isn’t that weird?

    (and I cannot wait to spoil the shit out of Murdock, shower or none)

  14. If you don’t want a shower just because it doesn’t seem “right,” then I would reconsider. You have people willing to throw one. If you don’t want to hear all the fertile pg stories, maybe you can ask for it to be a short shower, like just a couple of hours. That way, even if others want to stick around (and talk about how huge you are) you don’t have to.

    But, if you don’t want to have a shower because it would just make you completely uncomfortable, for whatever reason then don’t do it. You can always decide whether you feel up to doing a meet ‘n greet after Murdoch gets here.

  15. A shower would freak me out before. All I could think about was coming home, empty handed, to a room full of baby gifts. Do you give them back, burn them, keep them????? I REFUSED to have one before ds-I told my friends that I would walk out if they did one before. Because I am ALL about gifts, I let them do one afterwards. Everyone (except us IFers) wants to hold the baby and NO ONE will leave your house a mess! I say let them do it after. Maybe they could even bring meals for you to freeze for shower gifts….now that could be nice!

  16. If they want to do it for you and all you have to do it show up and get presents, why not? It isn’t like you demanded it or expected. Let your friends be nice to you.

  17. I think you deserve a shower… let the people who care about you and like you and of course the county gawkers see the 41 year old pregnant lady 😀 I don’t think it matters whether it’s your first or fifth… now if you were having your 18th we might have to talk…b ut since your ute isn’t a clown car we don’t have to have that talk…

  18. Let them do what they want to. Look at it like a last hurrah. I’d take one if someone wanted to do that for me. I loooove be3ing the centre of attention, specially NOW.

  19. Shower! Shower! Shower! Every pg lady should have a shower, especially IF pg ladies with large gaps in the kids ages. I had nothing left from Lucas as he is 9 years older than Max, so I was very grateful for the showers. Speaking of such things, well, never mind. MUHAHAHAHAHA!

    I think you should do it before, you don’t want all those cooties around the new baby, especially those from that skinny thing. EW!

    When is your due date?

  20. I say do a meet ‘n greet after the baby arrives. I’m another one who thinks that showers are only appropriate for baby #1.

    Set aside a couple hours on an afternoon for people to just drop in. Have it at your house so that you can retreat to another room for feedings, diaper changes, etc.

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