THE RUBBER GLOVES ARE OFF

Thanks for the Birthday Wishes, everyone. For those of you who saw the pwp post and were like, “pfft! not going to bother typing in that crazy-ass password for another crappy post…” you? Are a party pooper and I’m keeping track of your party-pooper-eyness. I’m squinting my evil eye at you Dino, Kath, and Cricket (and several others, but I don’t want to humiliate any more of you then I need to).

My husband gave me Milky Way candy bars, Riesen chocolates, and vacuumed.

Yes, vacuumed!! Plus, he even added the brush attachment to vacuum the baseboards!

*sigh* I think I wuv him.

You have time for a rant?

While “enjoying” my NST this morning (overstuffed recliners suck monkey-ass at 37 1/2 weeks pregnant), I read some letters to the editor in one of those pregnancy magazines about elective c-sections. Keep in mind that my c-section is actually considered “elective” when done as a repeat. Some hormonal bitch wrote this long, spewing letter on how c-sections result in 99% infant mortality rates, congenital rickets, vaginal warts, illiteracy, and ringworm (OK, not really, but she really was laying it on) whereas vaginal births produce babies who qualify for Mensa and mothers who never experience postpartum depression (again, I exaggerate…a little…).

In a perfect world, sure, I would have loved to have had a vaginal birth, but for those who keep shoving the preconception that c-sections are solely being done because certain egotistical women don’t want to stretch out their vaginas or want to plan around a dinner party really need to watch their judgemental mouths. I know there are risks, but my risk for this “elective” c-section is much less then if I tried a VBAC. And personally, my emergency c-section seven years ago was preferable over a dead baby. Call me crazy…

Plus? I’m not going to end up with a torn taint with stitches catching in my underwear like freakish wild hairs AND my vagina will remain as purty as it was 20 years ago, with or without kegls.

So there.

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36 thoughts on “THE RUBBER GLOVES ARE OFF”

  1. So I totally gave birth vaginally (is that a word?) and 6 months later, there is no way in hell my husband could tell. I actually wouldn’t have minded stretching out just a bit. That way a dry run on our sex life wouldn’t mean discomfort for a few days once it ended.

    But yeah, you need to do what you feel most comfortable with. I didn’t want a csection because I didn’t want the recovery time. To be honest, I think csections are the reason kids now days are better off.

  2. Listen chickie…I had 3 days of horrid labor cause my stupid water didn’t break..then ended up with an emergent Csection. For the next I decided to skip the labor. I had loads of people pushing VBAC on me and I told them all to stuff a bowling ball in their vayjay then have a doc cut it out 3 days later and then ask if they would like to skip the bowling ball part the next time.

    Oh…and I may be on the shit list for not getting the pwp post but I tried, I really tried, and kept getting that the website didn’t exist. I was afraid you up and left us all hanging about whether xboy is a brother or sister…(yes, I am kidding).

  3. How is it anybody else’s business how you give birth? That is just wrong. And one more example of how women can’t just support other women.

    I applaud you for keeping your tight vajayjay tight and purty.

    37 weeks? Srsly? Where did the time go?

  4. What they need is some new terminology – elective makes it sound like you wandered down the aisles choosing which version of birth you fancied when actually it is nothing like that. Perhaps there should be a separate category of vanity c-section for all those z list celebs keen on getting back into their skinny jeans in 1 week with no medical reason whatsoever for choosing a section.

  5. I have never understood why women care so much about how babies emerge from other women’s bodies.

    And after more than 30 hours of labor and 6 of pushing, they could have sectioned my kid through any available opening.

    As it was? I basically had it both ways, because by the time the did the section he was so wedged in place that one person had to pull, while the other one pushed…..through my poor old vag.

    I can’t imagine what I’d be dealing with if I had someone pushed his gigantic melon out. Noooo thanks.

  6. I agree, whatever way Murdock comes out is good for me (the infertile) too, just he/she comes out in one wet and healthy and happy piece and you are doing ok as well.

    Be glad your vagina is spared the enormous head, I’m still to get my mojo back (and I do blame Stellas enormous head for it to be gone at this point in time).

    I’m so looking forward to the “big” birth announcement post.

  7. Since you promise it is worth it, I will ask for the password and go back and read it.

    Happy Birthday! Nothing sexier than a man who vacuums.

  8. Kudos to hubby!

    I’m going for a VBAC this time – but only because I had a C the first time because Ant was breech. If I’d labored and had an emergency C you can bet your britches I’d be having another one. No need to go through that again!!!

  9. I’m late to the party and can’t get into the secret post anyway. (I can only access the pw ones at work for some crazy reason and while I love you I’m not going to work to read your post right now 😉

    Can’t wait to meet this baby however you want to birth him/her!

    Happy belated!

    PS Maybe my husband is cleaning the fridge just to avoid poo diapers. I’m making the best of it. I announce it’s a stinky one and he runs off and reorganizes the pantry . . . at this rate I’ll have a ship shape house in less than a case of pampers!

  10. Hear hear.

    I’m choosing a c-section. And I use my medical degree and a lot of research to back up my position that it’s not a bad thing to do. No matter what the vagina police say.

    The risks these days are very low, actually quite similar to vaginal deliveries, but just of different things. It’s an individual decision. Full stop.

    I do NOT want to risk a hypoxic injury to twin 2, nor do I want an emergency c-section for twin 2 after delivering twin 1 vaginally NOR do I consent to a breech extraction of either baby. I am prepared to accept small operative risk to myself, and a small increase in TTN in the babies for a delivery which is controlled, and safe.

    Oh, and I think it is absolutely VALID to have a c-section because of concerns about the pelvic floor. Obstetric tears can be very nasty and result in permanent sphincter dysfunction, especially if conbined with long labour causing pudendal neuropathy. Count me out.

    As for VBAC, it’s an individual choice, but where I work, the quoted risk is around 1 in 200 of uterine rupture and at least 50% foetal mortality if it happens. I wouldn’t get on a plane with those odds of crashing.

    Phew.

    🙂

    Glad I got all that off my chest.

    J

  11. Wow. Too bad she wasn’t around to tell me I wasn’t supposed to have PPD after I gave birth “the old fashioned way”.

    That said, despite my episiotmy (which no, the stitches DO NOT catch in your underwear!), I still have the cervix of a woman who has never given birth. DUDE – my OBGYN just said that two weeks ago! Now. If I could just stay pregnant for more than 2 months, we’d maybe be in business. *sigh*

  12. Noone has the right to criticise anyones personal medical choices!

    Where I live it is unusual to be allowed to have an elective c-section just because you have had one before, unless the medical reason you needed one the first time is likely to re-occur. I had a c-section for a large breech babe, and I have since had 2 VBACs, all good. It is very common to do so here.

    Happy Birthday!

  13. Thanks for the good chuckle!

    I never really understood the whole vaginal birth is sooooo much better arguement. I have watched my c-section video a number of times and have to admit it is pretty darn cool. Having your stomach cut open and then walking around a couple of days later – now that’s being a rock star!

  14. 1st ob appt today and my ob didn’t even give me a choice-I’m getting a repeat c-section. Jason was 9lbs 15oz and this one is already measuring 6 days ahead….I have NO desire to have a vaginal birth. THANKS!
    Karen

  15. Darling, you have a magnificent vagina. I’m glad it’s not to be besmeriched by shooting a big old kid out of it.

    Belated birthday wishes, my 29 year old friend.

  16. THAT’S what I get for skipping Bloglines for a day, a holiday Sunday when only the manic post. And spend an hour on it. And compose it in their brain ahead of time. Sheesh, get a life. Oh, yeah, you’re all busy growing one. I’ll give you a bye this time!

  17. I know I am completely off topic but you get to sit in a recliner for your NST? Not fair! I have to lie on my back on those short tables like a turtle that got flipped over. It gives me a headache to lie on my back like that. I am so jealous.

  18. After pushing for 3 hours with my son, my OB suggested a c-section and I believe my exact words were “You go right ahead!”

    If I am ever belssed enough to find myself pregnant and need to deliver again, you betcha I’m going with a repeat section. A 1% chance of uterine rupture during a VBAC might not seem like a HUGE percentage…unless you’re the 1%. Then it might as well be 100%. Too risky. I’ll take a live, uninjured baby every time, thank you.

    The hell with people and their frickin’ attitudes. All that matters is a healthy mom and a healthy baby.
    (And yes, I would have really loved to have had a vaginal birth, but… I’ll take the happy and healthy speedster who is my son. I can live with that just fine).

  19. I can`t believe you are at 37 weeks already. I of course realise that it feels like a reeally long time for you though!

    I have always thought that as long as the baby gets here, it doesn`t matter how it happens and it doesn`t make you any less of a woman/ mother so I really hate people who try and argue that one way is better than another.

  20. If I had it to do again, I would have had an elective c-section. There is a reason most of the female gynos I have heard of go that route. I am pretty sure it is the same reason I have worn a pad every day since I had Kenna, and I do Kegels like mad. It does seem to be getting better, but this is ridiculous.

  21. Honestly, when I read those articles they make me laugh. I always think “spoken truly like a woman who’s never dealt with IF.” In our world, we worry about things like “live baby.” How baby gets here is pretty irrelevant, in the grand scheme.. or maybe that’s just me and the bitterness talking…lolol.

    Happy belated Bday, you fabulous lady!

  22. Last I heard, while I was in nursing school (fairly recently) was that VBAC’s were losing popularity.

    And I, for one, who suffered 4th degree tears with my first son, wish like hell I’d had a section with him. Why? I’m STILL dealing with the aftermath of those damages to my delicate taint.

    I guess that what I want to say is that people who write in those pregnancy mags are morons. Complete morons.

  23. I had a nurse look me up and down when I checked in my last visit with the clinic before Rosey was delivered -‘Oh, (sniff) so you *chose* to have a repeat c-section?’

    Why, yes, beyotch, I did. (I was hormonal. And scared. And just a teensy bit PISSED that someone medical with my file right there had the audacity to question me.) Since I was carved up quite nicely with the first and and my doctor doesn’t want me *splitting open* on the table…..

    My husband pulled me away from the counter at that point. I think he was afraid I was going to go for her throat.

    Huh. I wonder why he thought that?

  24. Max was an elective c-section, and my only c-section. Well, if you consider me telling the doc “cut this kid outta me before I kill everyone and everything around me starting with you” elective on his part.

    Seriously, though, with being on reduced meds for my depression (and suffering miserably due to that), weighing 8.6 million pounds, being in constant pain to the point I could barely walk, sit, lie, sleep or eat…I really don’t see there was much “elective” to it.

    I informed my doc that once the baby was out, I was back on my reg meds and could move without pain and maybe, just maybe sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time (while crying and sobbing and snotting) I would be better emotionally and physically.

    He tested Max’s lungs (he was 37w2d), they were done and he was out. 6 weeks later I was a new woman. Sometimes MENTAL health needs to be considered an excellent reason to do a c-section too. I simply did not have 3 more weeks in me and was spent.

    Sorry for the book.

  25. I wanted a VBAC so badly, but I wasn’t willing to add risks by going over 40 weeks, so at 40 weeks we did a c-section. (which is what my OB wanted anyway)
    After they told me my baby weighed 9lbs 2 ounces me and my vagina were so thankful for the c-section!

  26. Since when did c-section= always elective? I love the spewing of studies and all the crap about how c-sections are “so bad for mother and baby”. Really? Then why are there so many that are medically neccessary? Why are dr’s even allowing this practice? For craps sake, what works for one woman does not work for all! This goes for breastfeeding, diapering (cloth vs disposable), cio, and everything else parenting related.

    How about this letter to the editor lady, You do what you need to do, and I’ll do what I need to do. I hate preachy people, and I hate it when they get a soapbox.

    Sorry, I totally agree with you. No judgement on my end, ever. BTW, Happy Belated Birthday. It seems I’m always late with everything these days…

  27. One of my friends was thinking about VBAC and then the doctor told her the risk was 1% of uterine rupture. Uh, that’s one in a hundred. If the risk of something being wrong with my baby had been one in a hundred I would have FREAKED. My friend went with the c-section. And so would I (if any of our embryos survive thaw and my crabby old uterus).

    The thought of another long labor and emergency c-section is quite enough to make an “elective” c-section look like a spa treatment for me.

  28. I hate people who obviously know much more than any physician or patient about what is best for THEM. Fuck ’em I say.

    I know that recliners can suck at 37 weeks, but hey, you get to say that, right?

You can say it here.

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