I’M NOTHING MORE THAN A HORMONAL, BLITHERING IDIOT

At this point, the idea that I may have had to wait until at least the 25th – my actual due date – to deliver Murdock seems absolutely ludicrous.

If it wasn’t for next week’s scheduled c-section, I would not only have NOT given up using the riding lawn mower, I would have loaded up a suitcase or two and driven that sonofabitch to South Dakota this weekend.

Aside from the contractions I experienced a few weeks ago, I’ve only had what have been identified as “irritated muscles” by my OB. Trust me, it’s not just my muscles that are irritated. This morning I was trying to fish my contacts out of my case, except my fingers, which are nothing less than kielbasa sized, would not fit past the opening. Plus, even if I was able to get a pinch on a contact, I couldnt’ feel it. Cue helpless tears before finally getting contacts in.

XBoy has been quite a trooper. I especially appreciate his nimbleness. While I feel a deep guilt for asking him to pick up things I drop, he’s so damn cheery about it that I assuage my guilt a bit by thinking he must enjoy feeling useful to his blimp of a Mom.

I did catch him peeking under the frosted part of the shower door this a.m. I’m not sure if he was confirming what I have been telling him for ages and that is girls don’t have penises, or if he was checking for the unnatural eclipse of the recessed shower light.

A couple of weeks ago, I called one of my favorite photography places to get pictures taken of Murdock and XBoy for announcements (I know! …how presumptuous of me!). I told the girl who answered the phone I wanted newborn pictures. She informed me that the soonest opening was in September. Not sure about you, but Murdock won’t be a “newborn” in September. Mr. DD and I have decided to try to tackle this task ourselves. Frankly, I’m worried. Lots of camera toys and attachment a photographer does not make. For either of us.

Related to that, I asked OB what he thought of us bringing a camera into surgery. While he stated he has no problems with it, the hospital has a policy against it. I guess they are afraid of the chance there might be documentation of someone fucking up. No matter. We are bringing our small, pocket digital in with us. Actually, Mr. DD will be bringing it as I will be crucified to the table. It’s not that I want pictures of my uterus laying on top of my abdomen or anything as graphic, but I would like to have a picture of Murdock covered in cottage cheese and blood while being held up by his/her freakishly large head to put in my still yet to be purchased baby book.

Makes you almost want to be there, doesn’t it? You can be in a way if you have a Twitter account. I finally figured out how to tweet from my phone and since the hospital does not have wi-fi, (and even though cell phones are supposedly not allowed on the unit….like, seriously?), I will try to give some brief spurts of info through Twitter. You can either click on the link over there on the right if you don’t have an account, or if you “follow” me, you’ll get the info automatically.

I seriously am flattering myself thinking you care, aren’t I? Delusional or hormonal? You be the judge.

And with that, I suppose I will start a pool as a continuation of me believing you are invested enough to guess Murdock’s stats at birth:

  • sex
  • weight
  • length

I’ll put together a little prize package of some kind or another to send to the commenter with the closest guess. I promise it will contain either chocolate, liquor or a combination of both, as well as a plethora of foam peanuts or packaging pillows.

If you would rather not guess, your comments are always welcome.

(How’s that for comment whoring?!)

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51 thoughts on “I’M NOTHING MORE THAN A HORMONAL, BLITHERING IDIOT”

  1. You totally cracked me up! Thanks…i needed that!!
    Okay, let’s say boy, 7 lbs 11 oz and 20.5 inches….just a stab in the dark but why not!!!
    peace
    shlomit

  2. Holy schmoley you’ll soon have Murdock in arms… and I get a bit vecklemped just thinking about it.

    So lets see… I think Murdock will be

    A little girl
    7 lbs 8 oz
    19.5 inches long

    Can’t wait to see what Murdock actually is 😀

  3. Now how am I ever supposed to complete with that brand of comment whoring? Damn.

    Also, if I win make sure you don’t change the birth details to ensure that I haven’t won because you don’t want to send shit overseas.

    Girl
    7lbs 14.5ozs (or @oxs as I just typed, which would be really weird)
    19 1/4in

  4. Girl
    6 lbs 15.9 oz
    19 1/2 inches…

    I am partial to this set of measurements!! Good luck again sweetie, I am waiting to see her pretty face!!!

  5. Ok, I’m going to say

    Boy (though hoping for girl)
    7 lbs 2 oz
    20.5 in

    I’m adding a tie breaker for mine: brown hair.

  6. I’m with Thalia about the imperial measurements and give you my stats in metric(s)…For simplicity, I think Murdock will be copying Stella (TOTALLY! Her US-twin) and is a

    Girl
    3.4 kilos
    49 centimeters

    If not I will be disappointed…no of course not 🙂

  7. I’ve never been good at guessing games so I’m going to put down my baby’s stats and hope yours match! How original of me . . .

    male (though I actually think you’re having a girl)
    8 lb 2 oz
    21 inches

  8. Hmm… A girl. 20 inches. 7 lbs, 4 oz.

    What’s up with bloglines/wordpress? I was wondering what happened to you and now there are 7 new posts. Is it only me? I thought I had this technology stuff figured out!

  9. boy
    8lbs 2 oz
    20 inches

    My husband took various pictures of my insides before and after the baby was delivered, wtf? Also he forgot to use the video camera in his hand. He is killing me.

  10. I can’t wait for the pictures. We didn’t have time to take any with Marjorie as she came way too fast and they had to clear her lungs out since she didn’t get squeezed enough to clear them on their own. I didn’t even look at her until they cleaned her off either. I know, I am a bad mommy.

    I say Murdock is going to be a girl, 6 pounds 3 ounces, 19 inches long.
    You will lose all your water weight before coming home from the hospital and will be one of those horrid people who can wear pre-pregnancy clothes within a month after giving birth. 😉 I still can’t and Marjorie is 6 months today.

    Good luck and I can’t wait for the news. She has to be a girl or that blanket will just not fly. 😉

  11. I wasn’t going to guess, but what the hell.

    Boy
    8lbs 14 oz
    20 1/4″

    I’ll have to figure out how to get Tweeter updates on the cell since I rarely have it up here at work.

    No matter which accessories Murdock comes with, I’ll still cry happy tears and maybe SQUEEEEE just a little bit.

    I didn’t want to see either baby all dirty & bloody… I wanted Dr. K. to hand me a sweet smelling little bundle all wrapped up like a buritto.

  12. Not guessing.

    But chiming in with an encouraging and cheerful comment anyway. (you’ll have to imagine the encouraging and cheerful part)

  13. sex: girl
    weight : 7lbs 12oz
    Height: 19.3 inches

    I think the staff would be wondering here if people didn’t bring cameras, & videos – it is even on the list of things you will need!

  14. * sex: Male
    * weight: 7lbs 8oz
    * length: 17.5 inches

    I was really organized and ordered the envelopes for my birth announcements before L was born. I didn’t around to addressing them beforehand as was planned. I didn’t get around to ordering the birth announcements either.

  15. Take all the pictures you want. What are they gonna do?

    I say: girl, 6 lbs. 10 oz., 19 inches.

    Now I have to go figure out this Twitter thingie…

  16. sex: Girl
    weight: 7 lbs 13 oz
    length: 20 inches

    I was hoping I could avoid signing up for twitter, but now it looks like I’m going to have to (shaking fist at you, but in a nice way).

  17. sex: boy or girl
    weight: boy 8 lbs 5 oz / girl 7 lbs
    length: boy 21 inches / girl 18 inches

    HA! You didn’t say I could only choose one gender or the other! LOL! Yes, I’m being snarky… 🙂

  18. No, you are wrong, we are all waiting anxiously to hear the news. I don’t have twitter. Confession: I don’t even know what it is.

    Girl
    7lbs 5 ounces
    19.5 inches

  19. I say girl, 8lbs 1oz, 20.5 inches.

    And I don’t use Twitter but I can’t wait to hear about Murdock…although I really don’t want to see the cottage cheese photo. I’m actually planning to ask them to bath Tessa before handing her to me – I’m squeamish. Hehe.

  20. I totally wasn’t going to comment, because it’s just obviously you’re being a blatant attention whore. But then you had to go and lure me in with the possible thought of free liquor and chocolate and Jesus, when you want something bad enough, you really know how to bribe a bitch, don’t you ?

    Seeing as how I’m always wrong, I’ll give a stab anyway.

    Sex: Male
    Weight: 8lbs 1oz
    Height: 19.5 inches.

    And seriously, I can’t believe you’re opening the sun roof to yank this kid already.

  21. I guess I won’t officially be in the pool because I can’t figure out where to start guessing weight and length when I’ve never seen you in person and photos never do justice…

    BUT, Murdock is totally a little girl.

  22. I was wondering where you were today. I am starting to turn into your stalker again.

    Here is my guess:

    girl, 8 lbs, 3 oz, 19 inches

    Bring it on Murdock! I have to get back to finishing your baby present (as well as Beagle’s)…

  23. I say girl
    7 lbs 1 oz
    19 inches

    We used a great site for announcements called http://www.purplestork.com/. We just used a random shot that I had taken with zero photographic ability but that turned out really nicely. Their website has tips for taking good pictures though. So even if you don’t use them, you can still use the tips! But they were a joy to work with. I think it’s just a handful of designers rather than a big company and they were so kind and helpful. We used the Paige design but a friend used Cole and it was lovely too.

  24. Female
    7lbs 3 oz
    18 1/2 inches

    I’m getting so excited! I can’t wait for next week (easy for me, I’m not the one getting cut open).

    Good luck with everything.

  25. Male
    7 lb 12 oz.
    19 1/2 in.

    They don’t allow video in case the doctor screws up and then you are armed with not only video but audio of the nurse standing beside him asking him why he did that. (cause we all know that nurses are waaaayyyy smarter than docs and save their asses on a daily basis:)

    BigD took a camera and DID photograph my innards. Technically he wasn’t allowed to photograph but he did it when the doc was a little busy tugging S3 out. Tell husband to just keep clicking…trust me, you will be very very glad that he did! I have a great photo of S3 when he was still cheesy and they were holding him up over my belly curtain for me to see him.

    As for a baby book….one of these days I am going to buy one for S3. Maybe for his highschool graduation. Poor neglected child.

  26. Sex: Male
    Weight: 8lbs 4 oz
    Length: 20 in

    My most prized pics are of ds in the OR right after his birth…and I love the one with him on the scale so that we can see the weight (9lbs 15.6oz). TAKE THE CAMERA IN!!!!
    Karen

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