PAR

Things here have been relatively par for the course now that ZGirl is home. What exactly does that entail?

  • Utter exhaustion because I can’t seem to make myself sleep when she does (like right now), which has led to no less then two mini, teary breakdowns.
  • Limited quality time with XBoy, who besides allowing a few pictures of the two of them together, are rarely seen in the same room.
  • Times where I’d like to jack Mr. DD over the head with a blunt object.
  • Panic attacks when I wake three hours after putting ZGirl down to sleep and realized she hasn’t woke yet.

To be fair, each of those times are tempered by the fact I actually did it – brought home a baby and I don’t think it’s just been a dream.

I stare at her and I see a lot of XBoy’s infant features. I also try to imagine our donor and what she may have looked like. ZGirl’s ears are not her father’s. They are more swirly, more like an exotic sea shell. Her toes are like mine, in how they taper in length, but they will be longer, more graceful. I’ve already heard that she looks like me, and I didn’t feel defensive about it like I thought I might. Instead I just smiled back and accepted the compliment.

Mr. DD returns to work next week and I now can appreciate the necessity of a sling or a wrap, but still am overwhelmed with the options. I’m a little freaked out that it’ll just be the two of us even though Mr. DD has been of restricted assistance anyway due to the decision to give breastfeeding (I prefer the term “nursing”) a try, which has been relatively painless. At night we are trying a split of responsibilities where he gets up when she fusses to change diapers and soothe. If she remains fussy and roots, I then get up to nurse.

The only downside to that is even with earplugs in, I hear her little barks before he does, which means I’m up before AND after he’s asleep. See third bullet item aboveĀ for how I feel about that.

So now I’m going to see how Murphy’s Law will affect me and get this published and go lie down. You can presume that ZGirl woke within 10 minutes.

Um….never mind. She’s up now. Later.