I was more than ready to go back to work after my 12week leave when I had XBoy. I don’t think it had anything to do with how secure I felt as a parent since logically the 2nd child – especially six years later – should be a cake walk. But this time around, I am scared witless to leave ZGirl in the care of strangers. I cannot give the care giver a schedule because she has none. I cannot give them an idea of how much she eats at any one time as I am clueless. I’m even supposed to have each bottle prepared for the day. When I remembered this yesterday, I nearly hyperventilated.

Of course, yesterday would have been a good day to freak out since it was the first time I left ZGirl for a whole day. While it was with someone I trust inexplicably, my mother, I then started to imagine her walking around with ZGirl and having a massive heart attack and no one finding either of them for hours…anti-anxiety meds, anyone? I don’t think it even helped to hear that everything was fine via several phone calls to both the house and my husband. She was perfect. No problems. No complaints. What the hell? Who gave my baby Nyquil?

Apparently forcing my daughter to take a bottle doesn’t work. Who knew? Instead my mom said she just let her play with the bottle’s nipple and then she drank. I wish my Mom lived with us. Strike me now since that has also been a real fear of mine.

I remember not being successful when it came to breastfeeding XBoy. Eventually I got over it and thought, meh, what’s the big deal anyway? Now I’m dealing with a baby who won’t take a bottle. I had a “mini” breakdown (OK, MAXI breakdown) the other night about it after an hour of solid screaming and crying to the point of ZGirl gasping and hiccuping herself into an exhausted and fitful sleep because we were trying to feed her with a bottle, I asked my husband how could something I thought would be the most beneficial for her – breastfeeding – now end up being the bane of my last couple of weeks home with her? Maybe formula isn’t “the” best, if one was to judge what is best  by all the literature that comes with the breastmilk storage bags, but at least she wouldn’t be crying hysterically with each feeding attempt.

Ugh. Does the self-flagellation ever end?

So the reason I left her for the whole day was to go to the Metro for some shopping. I still needed a few things for ZGirl’s transition to her room and my mom thought it’d be good for me to get out of the house. In the past, I’ve just gone to Toysrus since they have a small baby section. I didn’t know until a store rep told me that the Metro now had a Babiesrus. I thought, “cool”, and headed off to the new store.

Thank the almighty lord on high I had never tried that any time during the past four years while going through treatments. It was overwhelming to say the least. The combination of very pregnant women and endless dispays of decorated cribs and 15 foot high shelving just for nipples? Ack! I couldn’t get out of there soon enough (making me forget hangers, dammit).

Anyone willing to become a nanny for ZGirl? I keep Baileys Irish Cream and some kind of fancy scotch and ice cream on hand. Of course, that would double as payment as well as off hours recreational enjoyment. (Speaking of which, yes I do have a couple of packages to send out – I haven’t forgot.)

I have more serious things to share with you about XBoy, but that will have to wait until after his doctor’s appointment Wednesday. That post will be protected so just a head up to any newbies. I am both hopeful about the possible results since we may finally be able to know what’s going on and dreading what lies ahead.

Thanks again for joining me for yet another schizophrenic post. Yikes.

19 thoughts on “OMG, PLEASE SHUT UP ALREADY”

  1. It’s total horseshit that American Moms have to go back to work after a measely 12 weeks. That’s not enough time, damnit.

    DD, let’s dye our hair blonde and move to Norway, where we belong.

  2. Oh Yeah!! BabiesRUs is insane. I cried the 1st time I went (pg with ds). I friend came with me to register and ended up taking the little gun out of my hands-she ended up registering for me. I still haven’t braved it with this pg. I may just do any shopping online. WAY too overwhelming!
    I hope things are getting easier (but do they ever?)

  3. Have you tried those bottles that are shaped like the breast?

    Perhaps those would work? As for the schedule I took Zack without a schedule and they did fine. I just told them he was a self feeder and to feed him whenever he acted hungry. I also just started with 4 oz bottles and told them I had no idea how much he would eat so I took a little extra for the first two or three weeks.

    Hope that helps.

  4. I don’t know what to say about ZGirl and the bottle, but you can be sure I’m paying lots of attention in case we have the same issues.

    I am dreading going to Babies R Us and am hoping I never have to.

  5. I’d nanny Zgirl in a heartbeat. But I’m too darn far away to be any use at all.

    Plus, I’m pretty newbie at the whole baby thing…..


  6. Isn’t it funny? I’ve avoided the bottle all of this time at the advice of my pedi so that she wouldn’t stop nursing. Then I can’t get the child to take a bottle. 4 different types of bottles and many frustrated attempts by my hubby, she will sort of take the bottle but she isn’t happy about it.

  7. If only we lived closer… My mom is a great nanny… any way your mom could be yours?

    As for Xboy – little worried now… post soon.

    Hang in there… sometimes the bottle thing has to be done by someone who doesn’t have the boobs that supply the milk. This spoken by someone who had to deal with her son eating for everyone but her when introducing solids. He’d look at me as if I grew horns whenever I tried to feed him solids. Thankfully this too shall pass.

  8. oh no, you got me all verklempt with the note about XBoy.

    Hubby is dying to move out to the midwest. If hubs had it his way, we’d have a little house in the middle of a cornfield. So, if you have someone to buy my house, I am all about leaving the corporte world and being a nanny. Baby stress has got to be better than the stress I have right now.

  9. Sorry you are having to go back to work so soon. I’m not sure I was thinking straight by 12w.

    The bottle transition is difficult/ hell whenever you do it (I did L at 10 months when I went back to work) but they do eventually get it and totally forget the breast.

    Hope XBoy’sappt goes well.

  10. That’s exactly how Ellie was with the bottle, couldn’t force it and she just had to mess with it on her own terms and figure out what was inside. She’ll just get it eventually, I swear. I have the most stubborn child ever and she got it. And once she did going between breast and bottle was no big deal.

    I moved Ellie into her room 2 weeks before I started back to work, in case it was going to be a disruption for her I didn’t want to deal with that and going back to work. Turns out she started sleeping better.

    Babiesrus can suck it. They are owned by the same company that acquired my former company and laid off me (and several thousand others) and generally treats people like crap. I don’t put any money in their coffers unless absolutely necessary.

  11. I completely remember trying to get my daughter to take a bottle. It is a complete nightmare and I’m sorry you are having to go through it. Since I stay home I never pressed the issue too hard. I know this sucks, but eventually she will get over it and take the bottle if she wants to eat. Otherwise she could do reverse nursing (nursing when you’re home with her instead of when you’re gone). Which I’m sure you wouldn’t love seeing as though she’d eat all night and you’d never sleep. It will work itself out, but meanwhile it totally sucks to see your baby girl miserable.

  12. I *HATE* Babiesrus. I think our crib is going to come from there, because my FIL has insisted on buying that (which, why – when we can get it cheaper at NFM). But every time I go in there I kind of get overwhelmed and break into hives. Everything is twice the price as elsewhere (it seems), and there’s just literally almost too much choice. UGH.

  13. Wouldn’t it be great if taking a deeeepppp breath really did help?

    I would come out of daycare retirement for you if I lived closer. I would probably spoil her rotten though. When I was “babysitting” I was known to take my pay and buy cute things for the kids. Not a very good way to supplement my family income-lol.

    Thinking good thoughts for Wed.

  14. 12 weeks… I am still stuck on that. At least us Canadians get a year leave. I can’t imagine 12 weeks. YIKES.

    I had the same issues with my daughter and the bottle. I had to leave the room and let dad feed her. She is Mom’s girl (Still) and if I am there it’s all about mom. Good luck with the bottle it can be a rough one, hope you find something that works for you.

    Hope Xboy is all right… now I am worried!

    Good luck!

  15. My response in snippet form, because I am not SMRT.

    Oh, DD. The self-flagellation never does end, does it? One of the perks of parenthood.

    While I never went through treatments, I hate Babiesrus as well. The very thought of going there makes me break out in hives.

    And I’d be a nanny if you lived closer.

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