THE FIRST OF ENDLESS

I made it through my first day of being back to work with only three teary “moments”, which in my Book of Emotional Breakdowns is rather stellar.

Mr. DD told me I wasn’t this nervous with XBoy, but I don’t know if that’s accurate. It’s been so long ago. On the other hand, the circumstances of ZGirl’s first day care is different. XBoy went to a private home day care where we interviewed several care givers; went to their homes. ZGirl is going to a center. I met only the director in her case, so dropping her off yesterday with a strange girl? It was nerve shattering and turning around and leaving her there felt wrong on so many levels.

I did not call the center once and as tempting as it was to get in my car and see her over lunch, I did not. I think that’s for the best, especially since when I picked her up after work yesterday, she went ballistic once she caught my scent.

When I talked to a friend about how my nerves might be a little more jingley-jangley this time around, I jokingly said that if something happens to ZGirl, there’s no “replacement baby” in the wings. I don’t get a do-over in the baby game. It’s a sick joke, but true. I even mentioned to the girl at the center that I was rather nervous about leaving her their for her first day as it took me four years to get her here.

I did take a little comfort in the report that was sent home with her. They noted that she was a “happy baby” and that “she had a great first day!”.

If I had a report to bring home with me, I wish it could have said the same.

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13 thoughts on “THE FIRST OF ENDLESS”

  1. You’re right DD, it took us so long to get these little creatures in our lives it makes it so much harder. No “do overs”.

    I phased G into daycare slowly, not for him but for me. My first day was awful, his was great. Now three weeks later I’m suffering from guilt once again because I am working a shift that has me away at bath/bottle/bed time. While Sgt is doing a great job and G seems to be fine, I come home and stand over him with tears in my eyes. I know this will soon pass but right now it sucks.

    I’ll be thinking of you this morning.

  2. I was wondering what type of place you had her in. I didn’t recall if you had said or not. My toddler is in a home daycare and I just told the DCP today that I am 5 weeks pregnant so that I could secure a spot for #2 – I haven’t even told my mother I’m pregnant yet.

    Honestly, I go back and forth between wanting my toddler in a home daycare or a center daycare. There are real merits to both. She is happy where she is, so she’ll stay there for now.

    I’m glad your baby had a good day.

  3. Sounds like you get an A+ for your first day too.

    I’m currently plotting ways to stay home with LB so that I never have to go through that, but I know that I’m going to have to go back to work eventually no matter what. It sucks to have to leave them with someone else after all it took to get them in the first place!

  4. I kept checking in on you yesterday so see if you were gonna post a teary post.

    Sounds like she is in great hands. That center thing is hard. Mine is at work & I have met with the director and one of the managers and have testimonials from other parents, but it is still not easy.

  5. It gets better, and to be honest, a good daycare center is great because they don’t ever get sick, or quit on you, or whatever. They just do their job, which is nice.

  6. We had a lady dropping off her 18month-ish looking girl at daycare yesterday.

    Girl was sitting quietly at the table with a cup of cheerios, babbling away to the other kids…Mom was standing in the doorway silently weeping.
    As I dropped Will off at the table, I walked past her, I rubbed her shoulder & told her, “The 1st day is the hardest. She’s in good hands. The 2nd hardest day will be when you come to pick her up and she’s having so much fun that she doesn’t want to go home!”

  7. Oh, DD. I can only imagine. Wait, I can only remember. Leaving Ben was like ripping out part of my heart and leaving it behind as I went on.

    *hugs*

  8. Sounds like you did very well for your first day back. I remember not even being able to make eye contact with a few co-workers for the first week after they returned from maternity leave for fear they would burst into tears.

    ZGirl is so beautiful, I bet the daycare staff instantly fell in love and are giving her fabulous care.

  9. Awwww Sending you a big Hug from the NC!!!

    I hope you are having a better day!!

    I don’t think there is such a thing as a replacement baby!!

    LOL I have the same issue as Shelli though for sure!!

    Hang in there!!!

  10. Glad you got through it. And it will get better, but you know that already.

    On the “replacement baby”… yeah. My problem is I might end up shielding D from the world because I fear losing everything. Dang, I am a mess.

  11. Congratulations on making it through the first day. I know how much it sucks. But you got a good report, she obviously missed Mommy and I am sure you had lots and lots of cuddle time when you got home.

    It does eventually get better. If you need to chat, I am here.

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