BRAIN DRAIN

I have three pair (pairs?) of GAP maternity pants, size 8 regular, one brown, and two tan/khaki, to give away to the first to call dibs. I kept them after I had ZGirl since my “awning” of an abdomen didn’t fit into anything else. Now that I take little time to do the things I should in my day, like eat, I would like to see them go to a good home.

Why are pants, jeans, slacks, etc., called “pairs” anyway? And underwear?

You know what’s worse than McDonald’s fries? Cold McDonald’s fries. Which is why I prefer the apple slices. Unfortunately, while I’m supposed to provide nutritional substitutes to my child and set good examples, substituting the fries on an adult meal for apples is a no-no.

I’ve decided to stop stressing about breastfeeding for the long haul. You are right. I did the best I could and if she has to have formula at daycare because I can’t get enough pumped, so be it.

While I like the playtex bottles with the drop-ins (I especially like how quickly they can be heated up in warm water), the measurements on them are shit. Today I used a sharpie to mark the outside of the bottle while I poured two ounces of water at a time in the drop-in sleeve so the care-givers can more accurately report what she takes in a day.

Don’t get the swing/bouncy seat combo. There’s no toy bar. OK, there’s a toy bar but it may as well be tacked to the ceiling as high up as it is. Completely out of reach of the baby’s hands. So now I have the fancy swing/bouncy seat combo that looks aesthetically pleasing in my living room when what she really likes is the tacky $20 bouncy seat with the primary colored toys.

When it comes to providing activities for baby, KISS, KISS, KISS: Keep It Simple, Stupid.

Which is why I let her play with the crinkly plastic wrapper from one of my decorated sugar cookies. Next toy on the horizon? The shipping box from diapers.com.

I think this item is sweet in its optimism

Prescription for Fulfillment Charm Bracelet
Prescription for Fulfillment Charm Bracelet

…but this one really speaks to the snarky, bitter bitch in me because I’d like to get one for Mrs. Duggar and all her fellow uberfertiles.

Birth Control Charm Bracelet
Birth Control Charm Bracelet

What random bit of crap would you like to share with me today?