BRAIN DRAIN

I have three pair (pairs?) of GAP maternity pants, size 8 regular, one brown, and two tan/khaki, to give away to the first to call dibs. I kept them after I had ZGirl since my “awning” of an abdomen didn’t fit into anything else. Now that I take little time to do the things I should in my day, like eat, I would like to see them go to a good home.

Why are pants, jeans, slacks, etc., called “pairs” anyway? And underwear?

You know what’s worse than McDonald’s fries? Cold McDonald’s fries. Which is why I prefer the apple slices. Unfortunately, while I’m supposed to provide nutritional substitutes to my child and set good examples, substituting the fries on an adult meal for apples is a no-no.

I’ve decided to stop stressing about breastfeeding for the long haul. You are right. I did the best I could and if she has to have formula at daycare because I can’t get enough pumped, so be it.

While I like the playtex bottles with the drop-ins (I especially like how quickly they can be heated up in warm water), the measurements on them are shit. Today I used a sharpie to mark the outside of the bottle while I poured two ounces of water at a time in the drop-in sleeve so the care-givers can more accurately report what she takes in a day.

Don’t get the swing/bouncy seat combo. There’s no toy bar. OK, there’s a toy bar but it may as well be tacked to the ceiling as high up as it is. Completely out of reach of the baby’s hands. So now I have the fancy swing/bouncy seat combo that looks aesthetically pleasing in my living room when what she really likes is the tacky $20 bouncy seat with the primary colored toys.

When it comes to providing activities for baby, KISS, KISS, KISS: Keep It Simple, Stupid.

Which is why I let her play with the crinkly plastic wrapper from one of my decorated sugar cookies. Next toy on the horizon? The shipping box from diapers.com.

I think this item is sweet in its optimism

Prescription for Fulfillment Charm Bracelet
Prescription for Fulfillment Charm Bracelet

…but this one really speaks to the snarky, bitter bitch in me because I’d like to get one for Mrs. Duggar and all her fellow uberfertiles.

Birth Control Charm Bracelet
Birth Control Charm Bracelet

What random bit of crap would you like to share with me today?

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12 thoughts on “BRAIN DRAIN”

  1. I am ignoring any work calls today because I want to. No real reason except I want to have a quiet day.

    My one dog barks too much and it really drives me nuts.

    I really hate cleaning, especially the shower.

  2. My son threw up down my vneck top this morning which makes me think that getting dressed and out of my PJ’s by noon is not such a smart goal after all. Yep . . . motherhood is glamorous!

    We have two bouncy chairs for the same reason. (plus a swing that he hates.) All three could have been replaced by the one ‘cheap and gaudy’ basic FB bouncy seat.

  3. I am not wearing any pants. I love the Duggars. My dog is whining to be let in the house. She doesn’t like to be left outside. I am probably going to make myself a grilled cheese when I get up to let the dog in.

  4. Hmmm, I’ve been bullied off a parenting board for sticking up for the evil infertiles so am feeling a particularly snarky, bitter bitch today and loving your bracelets!

  5. I love the bracelets.

    I have a headache.

    I want to goof off and read all day tomorrow, but this parenting thing just gets in the way. Darn kid, wanting attention and food and stuff like that. 😉

    I know that one of her Christmas presents is arriving tomorrow and it’s a bunch of board games and I want to give it to her RIGHT NOW because if I play one more game of Trouble, I may completely lose my mind. But Trouble is better than My Little Pony.

    Random enough for you?

  6. Random crap : my boss spent over four hours bitching about my being out with my SICK DAUGHTER on Monday. Yep, four whole hours. One of my co-workers that is well with-in earshot actually counted. Nice huh? And today is Wednesday and she still won’t speak to me. Seriously.

  7. I’ve been contemplating giving TK nothing but gift wrapped wrapped empty boxes for his first few birthdays. You’ve just convinced me it’s the thing to do.

  8. random crap to share with DD:….
    My Interweb thingy kept shutting down before i could finish reading this post. After the 4th time, I thought you were mad at me & you had blocked me.

    I alwys thought that bras should be sold in “pairs”

  9. Not got much but the 3 people I supervise have all gone on holiday and left me their work without leaving any bloody notes and in one case not telling me they were going. So thats crap – not interesting but definitely crap.

You can say it here.

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