Get this: I have a four month old baby girl at home AND a boy who is going to turn seven! Not only do those two thoughts make me say, “Holy shit!” aloud, they also make me say, “Damn, I’m getting old,” in my head.

You never have to wonder where the swearing comes from, do you?

I have got  to stop reading the week by week sites about “what you’re baby is doing!” because poor little ZGirl comes across as a vegetable. Albeit she’s a cute vegetable. At nineteen weeks she is quite content to lay on her back and still not even attempt to roll over. I have found her turned on her side a time or two, but nothing more. I can put her on her stomach and maybe, just maybe, she’ll roll over. That part is worth the waiting since she looks positively stunned  by the action itself and still throws out her arms as if to catch herself from falling.

Things have turned dire as to the breastfeeding/pumping business. While her demands increase, the supply decreases. We all know what happens when the supply and demand scales are tipped negatively. Actually, it wouldn’t seem so bad if she would just take a bottle, the fussy wench.

In a year, it will all be something to look back on and laugh (oh, how we shall heartily  laugh! I hope.). As soon as the bottle appears, she begins her wailing. Insert nipple. Wailing now escalates to screaming, but because milk is dripping into her mouth, the cry has been reduced to gargling. Cue choking. Add in more wailing and maybe some real tears. Calm baby. Look, she’s smiling again. Put nipple to mouth and now that she’s knows what’s coming, she purses her little lips tightly together as if to say, “uh-uh, no way”. Make googly eyes at her. She smiles and opens her mouth. Try to sneak in nipple. Begin the endless tongue thrusts to remove foreign object.

And for the finale? Fall asleep.

Every. Evening.

I am so going to use this against her as an adult whenever she complains about the boys who only have interest in boobs at which time I will tell her the story of how she herself use to be a Boob Girl. Boob, boob, boobies. Oh, yes, how we’ll laugh  it up then.


P.S. Are you participating? C’mon. What better way to exchange addresses and stalk each other?

10 thoughts on “NIPPLELICIOUS”

  1. OMG you are to funny!!! Yeah I can’t wait to tell Turtle how much of a boob girl she WASN’T!!!

    I know you are busy, but I gave you and ZGirl an award… head over to my blog to see what it is!!!

  2. I must see what this breast feeding thing is all about so I am going to give it a go. You can hardly imagine the looks I got when I went to the pharmacy to rent a breast pump & told them my kid is already 6 weeks old and it will be at least two more months before I meet him in person.

    Ha! I love messing with peoples minds.

    Yes, though, I am really going to try it. I know you think I am CRAZY, but I must.

  3. I am 5 and 7 years younger than my siblings, but I am very close with them. I almost think I was lucky that Finn was in the hospital for the first few weeks of life and had to learn to drink from a bottle or not come home!

  4. I ignore those baby websites like the plague. Neither of my kids met the stuff right when they were “supposed” to (hell, Ben didn’t even babble until he was over 2), and whatever. No biggie. Now the kid never shuts his trap.

  5. I had a meltdown over the first formula bottle I gave Tessa a couple of weeks ago. First and last. The little shit won’t go near the stuff now. I can’t get her to take a bottle for anything. My supply is exactly what she eats so there is nothing to pump so I can’t even get ahead so that I can leave the house for more than 2 hours. While I will likely cry over it again when it happens, I look forward to putting breastfeeding behind me. Then you can listen to me complain how I miss it. Heh.

  6. I had the same problem with supply and demand at about 4 months. I gave birth to a little pig though so no matter how she got food she was happy to have it. Boob, bottle, spoon, just a plain old finger, pacifier she wasn’t and still isn’t too picky about food. Now she is into wanting to feed herself which is a bit of a problem at daycare where the provider won’t let her feed herself and then complains to me that it is the homemade food I spent hours making and packaging for her. So I broke down and got the “real” babyfood and supposedly that is working. We will see when little Miss Independent really pushes the babysitter if she will be asked to leave. 😉

  7. I think I’m hanging my boobs up to dry out. Supply is nosediving, and I’m sick and tired of smelling like maple syrup from the fenugreek.

    In short, I’m just tired. He prefers the formula now, and I have to say – I’m pumping less and nursing less.

    I feel guilty admitting that I’m looking forward to letting it go.

  8. 5.5 months is when I finally stopped nursing. The emand was too great for the supply & then K would cry when I tried to nurse him. Like a typical male he wanted it now and fast.

    I am still sad about it, I wished I was still nursing. 😦

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