NO WHERE BUTT NEBRASKA

From the MyWay news website (bold is my emphasis)

Suspect arrested for greasy imprints in Neb. town

 

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Nov 22, 12:15 AM (ET) 

OMAHA, Neb. (AP) – Police have arrested a man suspected of leaving greasy, graphic imprints on the windows of stores, churches and schools in a small Nebraska town. A 35-year-old man was caught in the act by police early Wednesday morning, Cherry County Attorney Eric Scott said Friday. The man hasn’t been charged yet, but authorities believe he is the vandal some townsfolk have dubbed the “Butt Bandit.”

Beginning in spring of 2007, a mystery vandal visited businesses at night, pressing his naked behind – sometimes his groin, sometimes both – on windows. The marks were made with lotion or petroleum jelly, and while police had earlier worried copycat criminals were getting involved, Scott said they now believe it’s “the act of a lone deviant.”

“This isn’t normal behavior for Valentine, Neb.,” Scott said. “It’s an embarrassment for the hardworking people who live here.”

The man was spotted by police about 3:30 a.m. Wednesday and arrested without incident, Scott said. The suspect appears to be the same man caught on a surveillance camera at the middle school last year, he said.

Valentine, a town of about 2,650 in remote north-central Nebraska, lies near the scenic Niobrara River. The city was named one of the top “wilderness” towns in the country last year by National Geographic Adventure magazine.

People from around the country send Valentine’s Day cards to the city’s post office so they can be mailed out with the word “Valentine” stamped on them.

The past two summers, the bandit struck business after business, window after window.

He stopped over the fall and winter.

During one particularly brazen session, virtually all the windows at a local hotel were imprinted.

I *heart* Nebraska.

HORMONAL IMBALANCE

After much complaining over my husband’s lack of initiative in doing simple house-hold chores, a fact displayed when I deliberately parked the vacuum cleaner in his path to his side of the bed in which he had the audacity to complain about it not being put away, and then it sat there for a whole week untouched, he actually made a “This might get me laid” attempt this weekend.

“Might” was not just an operative word, but a losing proposition, as you will see.

I’m in ZGirl’s room, nursing, therefore, occupied.

He pops his head around the corner of the doorway, “Do we have any more of the clorox refills for the toilet wand?”

“Yes. There’s a full box in the laundry room (where you left them a couple weeks ago after you went to the store to buy some. Where you left them instead of putting them away in the cabinet under the sink. Where you left them taking up valuable space on my counter top where I fold the laundry. That I wash!).”

He disappears.

He then reappears.

“Do you know which bathroom the wand is in?”

“There’s only two bathrooms that it could be in. You’ll have to look (which, my god, one bathroom you had to pass to stand in ZGirl’s doorway to ask me that. If it’s not in that bathroom, well then, it must be in the other bathroom, which is the one that desperately needs the cleaning!).”

I swear. Is testosterone an antibody for logical thinking?

DOUBLE DOSE OF THE MEME

iloveyourblog2

This meme was brought to you via Rebel at Diary of an Infertile Mad Woman. She actually tagged ZGirl so I created two sets of responses.

First, here’s the meme as it applies to me:

  1. Where is your cell phone? Purse
  2. Where is your significant other? Booth
  3. Your hair color? Orange
  4. Your mother? Disenchanted
  5. Your father? Stubborn
  6. Your favorite thing? Sleep
  7. Your dream last night? Forgettable
  8. Your goal? #6
  9. The room you’re in? Small
  10. Your hobby? Blog
  11. Your fear? Kidnappers
  12. Where do you want to be in six years? Alive
  13. Where were you last night? #6
  14. What you’re not? Enigmatic
  15. One of your wish-list items? #6
  16. Where you grew up? Farm
  17. The last thing you did? Type
  18. What are you wearing? Clothes
  19. Your TV? Flat
  20. Your pet? Dead
  21. Your computer? Dying
  22. Your mood? Moody
  23. Missing someone? Children
  24. Your car? Toyota
  25. Something you’re not wearing? Underwires
  26. Favorite store? Etsy
  27. Your summer? Gone
  28. Love someone? Unconditionally
  29. Your favorite color? Red
  30. When is the last time you laughed? 7:55am
  31. Last time you cried? 9:45pm

And now as it applies to ZGirl:

  1. Where is your cell phone? None
  2. Where is your significant other? School
  3. Your hair color? Blonde
  4. Your mother? Warm
  5. Your father? Adored
  6. Your favorite thing? Boobs
  7. Your dream last night? Boobs
  8. Your goal? Boobs
  9. The room you’re in? Yellow
  10. Your hobby? Smiling
  11. Your fear? Men
  12. Where do you want to be in six years? Kindergarten
  13. Where were you last night? Crib
  14. What you’re not? Rolling
  15. One of your wish-list items? Teeth
  16. Where you grew up? Uterus
  17. The last thing you did? Poop
  18. What are you wearing? Diaper
  19. Your TV? Ignored
  20. Your pet? Computerized
  21. Your computer? Future
  22. Your mood? Happy
  23. Missing someone? Mommy
  24. Your car? Electric
  25. Something you’re not wearing? Panties
  26. Favorite store? Mendards
  27. Your summer? Birthday
  28. Love someone? Unconditionally
  29. Your favorite color? Black
  30. When is the last time you laughed? 11:41am
  31. Last time you cried? 9:45pm

The rules to this meme appear to be simple: tag a blogger that you love via the above button. Said blogger then must answer these questions with ONE word each only. I can’t explain why 31 questions and not just 30, nor the number tagged, which is seven, and it’ll be the last seven commenters.

I’m just following the rules, people.

Beagle at Cat’s in the Cradle (pwp)

MsPrufrock at Barren Albion

Eva at Antropologa

Artblog at Healing Arts

Portlairge at Fertility Schmertility

Cat at Cat is Here

Catherine at Everything’s Under Control

See? If you want to be tagged, it pays to comment. However, if you don’t like meme? Well, then, you’re already screwed.