YOU CAN PRACTICALLY SMELL THE GEEKINESS

Saturday marks the last day of National Delurking Week. Isn’t it sad that at some point a blogger had to make up a week in order to get readers to comment? Probably a pathetic soul much like myself, but much more resourceful.

Helen from Everyday Stranger let on that it’s International Internet Reveal Your Horrid Teenage Years Picture Day. Now, I can’t swear that this is truly an internationally recognized event, but it may as well be one because you can learn a lot about someone who dares post pictures of themselves from days of teenage angst.

Shall we begin?

1981(?)
1981(?)
Remember? I did say something about having a picture of myself in turquoise cords and a puffy shirt, and behold! I remember being a complete freak about making that stupid bow at the neck perfect. I look like KFC’s Colonel’s “simple” minded granddaughter.
1982
1982
Two words: Gunne Sax. We were shopping for something to wear to my aunt and uncle’s 40th Anniversary Party and I saw this at, where else, Vanity. I HAD to have it, but it was horribly expensive. The jacket was quilted and yet again, that fucking ruffled top. Let’s not even talk about the perm, OK?
1982
1982

At the time, I really thought my mom was nuts for making each kid pose with their Christmas stash. Now? These pictures are GOLD. We still have that table-top Pac Man game, and my son plays it when he goes to visit Gramma. The wakah-waka-waka-waka-waka-waka-wakanoise now causes blood to drip from my ears. The item directly to the left? A hook rug kit of Garfield. I’m sporting my new walkman. Or some knock-off, which would be the safer bet knowing my parents.

While I was looking at this close-up, I noticed that on my shoes I have the safety pins with beads. Friendship beads. Remember those ridiculous things??

The unicorn? At one time, I was ALL about unicorns. My mom made it in a ceramics class. I also played the clarinet in the marching band. Need I elaborate more on how popular I was in high school?

1983
1983
I’ve deduced that this must have been taken in the weeks following Christmas as I’m eyeballing some holiday decorations directly behind me in the photo. I’m impressed by the fact my nail polish matches my socks.
1983
1983

Yep. I got a pencil sharpener one year. It wasn’t even an electric one. And chocolate from Russel Stover. All the clothes were new, too. Today’s fashion gurus tell you to keep such and such items in your closet as they are classics. They are lying. Sure, dark jeans came back (I’m betting these were Vanderbilts); wedged shoes came back; outdoor vests came back, but even if these items were still in my closet back on the farm, which they very well could be, they would still be screaming “I’m from the 80’s and don’t you ever forget it, Bitch!”

I did accidentally post this picture in a large format. I had to change it because the EYEBROWS! Great furry caterpillars, I had some bushy EYEBROWS.

1984
1984

Notice anything different between the last few pictures and this one? I’m wearing makeup! Eyeliner! Hmmmm, what else…? MOON BOOTS! I was going to graduate from high school in the spring. I did not wear the moon boots, though.

Can you believe that they made a Family Feud game? You can bet that it is also somewhere in the old house. The shiny thing down there on the right? L’Eggs pantyhose. Add that with my foxxxxy hat…ohhhhh, yeah, Baby (hangs head in shame). The shiny thing on my face? Probably Cover Girl make-up.

I also notice my training bra under that sweater. Is it any wonder I was a virgin until my freshman year of college?

1985
1985

I had to include this picture for a couple of reasons. One, it’s probably the most flattering picture I have of myself from the entire decade. I decided to stop letting my mom perm my hair and I had it cut pretty short and dyed my bangs blonde. I would wear that silly fedora with an oversized white blouse, a big hip belt (apparently, another “classic”) and a denim mini skirt (I was the first girl to wear a mini skirt in my school since the 70’s). The piece de resistance? A bandanna around my ankle boots. God, I was a rebel.

Secondly, I wanted to share the picture of my first boy friend. Look like any one you know?

Just a little bit?

legend07

Well, even if you don’t think there’s any physical resemblance, rest assured they’re both assholes.

Hope you enjoyed that visual stroll down memory lane. Now I think I need some therapy.

WHAT IS A BOY?

This excerpt is one my most favorite sayings. It was written by Alan Beck.

A boy is truth with dirt on its face,

beauty with a cut on its finger,

wisdom with bubble gum in its hair,

and the hope of the future with a frog in its pocket.

Dedicated to these three new Moms of baby boys: Niobe, Summer and KP (Karen) (who had a blog for a short time).

I feel very honored to “know” each of these very strong and unique women.