DINOSAUR EXTINCTION OR EVOLUTION?

I think a lot about how far Mr. DD, XBoy and myself have come over the years. I am so focused on ZGirl, the here and now, that thinking of the past makes me wonder, did I really think or say that? All I have to do is go to my archives for proof.

Here’s a post from 2006 when I took some time off from work to purge our storage of all baby items that we had held onto with the assumption we would have another baby. It’s important that you go read it and the comments with it.

05.20 clown

I did save those dinosaur pajamas. I couldn’t bear to part with them. My daughter is wearing them this very second, asleep in her crib. That’s her in an earlier picture on the left. A picture of XBoy is in the link.

I’m having a difficult time explaining how it makes me feel to see her in them. Yes, of course joy since it means that all those years we waited for it to be our turn once again, came; but I also feel a bit of heartache since I know that in just a couple of months she will have outgrown it as well and I’ll have to wash it and fold it for the last time. Sure I can save it for the ages it will take for me to maybe become someone’s grandmother, but will it survive another 20 years?

My meloncholy mood was significantly deepened when I read the comments.

Kath was still waiting toΒ stay pregnant for the first time backΒ then. Now? She’s had baby girl #2.

K&M’s blog is gone. She’s reinvented herself in a new pwp blog after the birth of her son.

Angela’s blog is gone, but she stops in occasionally and we cross paths on facebook.

Karen, after a couple months of silence has just started blogging again. I missed her terribly.

Leggy is now Clover, but she’ll always be Leggy to me. She’s had boy/girl twins since then.

Baggage has noticeably been absent here, but I also see her updates on facebook.

Kellie stops in still, and I am grateful for her continued presence.

Donielle…she had a blog, but it is also long gone. I haven’t heard from her in ages.

Julie. I feel my heart constrict a bit when I think of Julie (Sisyphus) because I miss her soooo much.

Erin has been a constant friend, but quieter now that she brought home her son from Ethiopia.

KarenPince also had a blog, which is gone now. She recently had a baby boy.

Trish. Former Nebraskan. She has a daughter who is terminally ill, but I don’t see updates from her anymore.

Cricket, who I never thought would become silent, has. She has an art blog and saw a recent update, but I haven’t heard from her since January.

Tuesday is still blogging. After her miscarriage of triplets, she had another baby boy.

Jess…I wish I could remember more about her other than she stopped blogging ages ago as well.

Josie and I non-stopped emailed each other for a while there. I even met her once, and it’s already been a couple of years ago. She finally brought home her son from Ethiopia as well just a short time ago.

Michelle is thankfully still out there. Her surprise pregnancy mirrored my own (non-surprise) with ZGirl.

Midori has gone through hell these past few years. No longer keeping a public blog but I do get to see pictures of her new life on Flickr and see updates on facebook.

Long time sista. My former best friend.

Kati stopped blogging some time ago after suffering several miscarriages during her SIF. I miss her sweet ways.

Rachel went through her pregnancy during her husband’s deployment, but she hasn’t posted in a year.

Menita, darling Menita. We also cross paths occasionally on facebook and I get a silly little zing when I see she’s checking in on me.

Catizhere. That’s all I need to say about lovely Cat. She is still here. Thank god.

Spanglish and I had a falling out, except I don’t know why.

Alli also stopped blogging about a year ago.

Jenny is now the infamous Bloggess and has left me in the dust.

Kellie from One Mother’s Journey deleted her blog years ago. I see someone else took the domain name.

Her Bad Mother also moved onward and upward.

Soralis is still blogging, but at a new site under a new name after she had her baby girl.

TB took a very long hiatus after the birth of her son over a year ago. She has posted since then, but not often enough IMO.

Nico went on to also give birth to a second son and a different blog.

Every one, not just my daughter, is growing, evolving. However, the difference between my daughter and these blogs and their owners is that she is growing up – eventually to grow away; these long lost bloggers…? Is the rate for extinct bloggers really that high, or do I need to only look in the mirror to find the answer?

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41 thoughts on “DINOSAUR EXTINCTION OR EVOLUTION?”

  1. I still check in with people, but not as frequently as I used to, and I rarely ever comment. I don’t write anymore, though I never officially took a hiatus. I don’t know, I just don’t do a lot of things in the online world that I used to- facebook, etc. I wish there was a way to stay in better touch but I just feel like I’m constantly behind in everything in my life- laundry, dishes, sending thank you notes, organizing photos, emails, blogging. I just feel so overwhelmed by life (but in a good way, not in the painful, IF way), that I have to let some things fall by the wayside. So I post, but now its more like 2-3 times a year, vs. 2-3 times a month. C’est la vie.

  2. Oh and as it turns out, those preemie clothes of P’s? Still in the basement. Still haven’t been lent out again. Still can’t quite get through the idea of getting rid of them.

  3. Those are absolutely adorable jammies, BTW. ZGirl looks precious in them!

    I know that I find myself very quiet on the blogging front. It just seems like there’s not much to write that’s not mommy-blogging, and I do that on my family blog. Though, come to think of it, that one’s quiet also. I just feel…wordless. I know they’ll come back, so I hope I’ll still have some readers when they do!

    But I’m always here reading your blog, even if I don’t always comment. And if you ever go back to the beach, let me know–we’re only a few hours away!

  4. This was definitely an interesting post to read. I remember some of the bloggers you mentioned through links I followed on your blog when I first started reading. It is nice to hear happy stories about so many of them. πŸ™‚ I have gone back to blogging publicly again, although I do pw-protect some of my posts. Recently posted about the new man in my life so I will have to facebook message you the password! LOL! πŸ™‚
    I think evolution is a good thing. It is interesting to go back to the beginning of my blogging life and see what I wrote back then. It is hard to recognise the deeply unhappy person posting but I guess I was in there somewhere!!

  5. This was such a melancholy post. Most of the people on the list were ones i did not know, some were a bit like legends, others I read and hope to continuing reading. Whilst I accept that any community waxes and wanes I hate to see people shut up shop. A post every now and again is fine you know. No pressure! I do think there is worth in the parenting after IF blog world. It is different. It is worth writing about.

  6. DD, I still check in with you once in a while :). And i am glad your kids are getting bigger (even if that means they outgrow their cute clothes!). I am not having much hope left for a second child, but I am okay – unless i read former “infertility” blogs and then, well, I do feel left behind. So, I don’t read them (yours is the only one I do!).

    I think of Sisyphus often. I hope she found some peace, if that’s even possible.

  7. I’m so glad that those adorable dinosaur pj’s have a cute little bottom to fill them.

    I blog seldomly (is that a word?), but still read blogs. I try to comment on most.

  8. Oh yeah…I have figured out a really good excuse to keep all my favorite baby outfits. Once I am 100% sure I am done having kids, I am going to cut the outfits into squares and make patchwork memory quilts.

  9. I sure do love those who continue to blog… I feel like I connect in some way to everyone I read and I am always saddened when they leave. For a time I thought of just moving on but there are so many great folks out there that I just couldn’t imagine doing that. The biggest thing I found to be difficult is now that I have children I don’t feel like I ‘fit’ into the infertile blogging world. But I am staying around since unfortunately the rest of my life seems to give me enough to blog about!!

    I am sure glad that you are still here. I love to read your blog. But it is amazing how things do change over time. I do love to see if someone does disappear it’s because they have finally crossed over to the parenting side. That makes me happy!

    I just wish I could keep more caught on my reading!!! πŸ™‚

  10. I remember that post. I’m not sure if I was around then or just read it in the archives. I too wonder what happens to some bloggers who used to comment and then go away. When I think about it I’m amazed at how long I’ve been doing it.

  11. I completely suck – and your post reminded me. I’d love to hook up via facebook if you can forgive my suck-dom. I’m glad you can tell I still visit!

  12. I started reading IF blogs in ’04 and started blogging in ’06. So much has changed since those days. The community is so much bigger. When I started following IF bloggers I used to feel like I knew everyone even when I didn’t religiously keep up with their blogs because everyone commented on everyone else’s blog. Now I only “know” a subset of IF bloggers.

    As for my own blog, I am definitely going through a waning period. One, because I don’t have as much time to blog anymore but also because as I have been lucky enough to move through the IF path to a live baby, with each transition I feel like I’ve had to, I don’t know if it’s the right word, but something like reinvent myself and my blog because of the requisite loss of followers during pregnancy then birth and at the same time, picking up a few readers who never followed me before because we are now in similar situations. But, I know if I want to keep the new readers I have to work extra hard to blog about things which continue to connect us or I lose them, too. And quite frankly, although I want to stay connected with the IF community, it’s hard to keep up with everything with the little time I have right now. Like, Thalia, I can’t imagine giving this up, but I can’t seem to keep up with it either.

  13. I have been putting Marjorie in some of Alex’s cuter outfits that I held onto for 16, yes 16 YEARS! After miscarriage #3 I had finally gotten rid of the big stuff, swing, crib, most of the toys and most of the clothes. Then the little embryo that could decided to stay where she belonged for 9 months and I had to scramble to find stuff for her to wear, sleep and play with. Try finding a good rummage sale in January, in Wisconsin, yeah not so much. πŸ˜‰

    I have a ton of clothes, size 12 months up to 24 months that Large Marj has outgrown if you want me to send you a box full. I can safely part with it now that I am for sure “ah dun”, as my girl says. Let me know if you want it.

    Keep up the good work on the blog. I love the pics and the topics that come out of that pretty little head of yours. You keep my brain working.

  14. They are adorable jammies.

    Every time I open a bin and put more of Kat’s clothes in them it makes me sad for many reasons. One major one is wondering if I will ever get to dress another baby in some of these things?

  15. I some days wonder if I’ve outlived my ability to be interesting to anyone other than those of the grandmother persuasion. I had a purpose when I started my blog and that ship sailed long ago. Then the miracle pregnancy…and again that is done and over. But I still like my blog most days – it is still cathartic for me so I keep it limping along.

    And the blog circles I initially ran in have dried up to a large degree. We were all adopting – and those who do still blog mostly just throw up a cute photo now and then (must like I did today heh). So I had to find new bloggy friends. And the mommy bloggers is a much bigger ocean than my little adoption and infertility ponds – and not nearly as warm and fuzzy. Okay, enough metaphors.

    1. I totally hear you on the general atmosphere that surrounds mommy bloggers, which unfortunately tends to run a bit cold. Sometimes I actually get the impression after I may have attempted to “make contact” as it were, that they are thinking “thanks for keeping up my stats” and not “thanks for your support/advice/dropping by”.

  16. I was surprised I didn’t comment on the original post either, but totally empathise. I have boxes and boxes of Pob’s early clothes, and they are mostly so gender-specific I won’t be able to put Junior in them. I still can’t get rid of them!

    Re disappearing blogs, I can see that they disappear for different reasons. One is the feeling of being left behind, the only one still on the journey, and continuing to write about it is no longer helpful. The other is that you’re very busy with children and work, a lot of your readers have disappeared, the original angst is gone, and writing is no longer a way of managing the drama.

    For me it’s a time thing right now, but I can’t imagine giving up completely on the community. I miss people who’ve gone, too.

    1. I miss a lot of people, too. And, in a moment of madness, I cleared out my ‘no longer blogging’ folder on bloglines so I can’t even go look a ttheir blogs any more.

      I think I’d kill to hear an update from grrl, though.

  17. I love the jammies!

    I wonder about the coming and going of bloggers – I guess some people have one issue they have to get out and some people have a lot on their mind.

  18. I have to say my online presence waxes and wanes with the level of busy going on in my life. Right now, Chloe is suitably entertained by Rachel Ray making turkey burger sliders, so I get a few minutes online.

    Sometimes, I just don’t feel like commenting on things, but I still read. Others, I have way too much to say!

    I will say I’m back to blogging now, though…whereas during the pregnancy I was talking on pregnancy boards online all the time. I just do NOT have the time anymore.

  19. I for one, am busy with the new baby, but also…I’m kind of blocked on writing and commenting because I am tired and having medical issues and don’t know what to say.

    Also, the crummy issues going on in my life right now have nothing to do with IF or loss, but I feel like an asshole blogging about them because others will think I’m ungrateful or something. I even had an anonymous drive-by commenter angry with me last week because they assumed that I was a jerk.

    Anyway, I’m still here, but my blog is kind of morphing into something else. Don’t know what!

  20. It’s interesting to think about the voices I’ve met since I started blogging in 2005, and moreover, the ladies I grew to love back from 2002 on “the boards” when I started TTC.

    To be honest, I block it out, because I do feel left behind. I think I could grow melancholy about it if I were in a different place, but for me- I am standing still since 2005. It’s even sometimes hard to blog since I feel like I have nothing new to say.

    ughhhh… I just put myself in such a bad mood.

    1. I can only hope (hope, hope, hope and hope some more!) that in a year, everything will be so very, very different for you.

      And no, I wouldn’t recommend transferring a tribe of embryos or storing them in your massive handbag. OK?

  21. Funny you post this – I did something similar last weekend because I’ve had blogger’s block and have been considering shutting mine down. What stops me is the sheer numbers of others who are now no longer blogging – I don’t want to be part of the extinction.

    Yet at the same time, I wonder if it’s better to do that than keep a blog limping along in the name of not wanting to disappear?

    I’m still not sure.

    Anyway. I get the melancholy, on both levels.

    xxx

    1. “Yet at the same time, I wonder if it’s better to do that than keep a blog limping along in the name of not wanting to disappear?”

      I am SOOOO hearing you here, sister!

  22. I’m still reading, though not really blogging. Still have one child, and am content.

    Still didn’t make that quilt out of my daughter’s clothes, though. πŸ˜‰

    1. When I read through the comments and reminded myself of your suggestion, I’ll be keeping some of her colorful onesies. Maybe some day when I’m old(er) and Hazel’s being a total pill, I’ll guilt her into helping me make her quilt.

      I am glad to hear you are content. I find bits of it occasionally, and it does feel good.

      1. Just don’t suggest that she might end up with the quilt. My daughter occasionally asks me rather wistfully, “Are you ever going to finish my quilt?” I tell her maybe when she graduates high school. (She’s six.) She even suggests clothes for the SECOND quilt. She’s very ambitious on my behalf. πŸ˜‰

  23. I was surprised at first that I hadn’t commented because I held on to stuff for 13-16 years and I would have had something to say about it but then I look at the time of the post and I was two weeks into my cross country move. I assume I had an internet connection. Anyway – I don’t know when my first recorded comment is on here, I started blogging in 04, but I’m still here. Boo!

    1. I’m an email hoarder. Here’s the first comment I found from you, Lala:

      “Hi DD: not sure if I’ve commented here before but now sure seems like the time. Hang on, we’re all pulling for you and we’ll be here either way. I’m hoping for the best though.”

      This was on my Knocked Up…Then Knocked Down blog on January 3, 2006. A million years ago.

  24. I started blogging late 06 and I notice waves of new readers and commenters who then slip away…

    I used to wonder if I’d bored them to death but now I know it’s because many people don’t keep it up. I do wonder how they all are, though,

    g

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