YOU’RE INVITED

So it would happen that I had another birthday. Specifically, I had another 39th Birthday. Like anyone else, I get one birthday a year. It’s just that not everyone gets a redo of their 39th. No, I will not share how many “redos” I’ve had as that would certainly defeat the purpose, now wouldn’t it.

I didn’t take the day off for my birthday. Instead I carted 3 dozen donuts to the office to share with the rest of my “fellow” employees. Personally, I don’t get the whole, “it’s my birthday, so let me vie you with treats” thing. It was bad enough doing that in elementary school, but really? I want someone to make ME a cake. Hell, I’ll take even a friggin Ho-Ho.

Who am I kidding? It doesn’t have to be a special day to have a Ho-Ho.

2009 001ladybugcompleteopenSpeaking of birthdays, I decided to make ZGirl’s birthday invites. Thank god she only has one First Birthday because after this, I will only be responsible for sending out fill-in-the-blank cards and only need to invite the number of kids equal to her age. In other words, next year will be a snap. But this upcoming one? Well, it’s turning into a 3-ring circus and that’s SO not the theme (this year).

Instead, I decided to go with something typically girly and cutesy: ladybugs. I figure the black and red can do double duty in its symbolism (hell, devil, eternal burning pit, etc.). The not-so-funny thing is is that I despise ladybugs. In the fall, they camp out in the billions  dozens in the uppermost corners of our 18’ entry-way ceiling. By spring, there are none left. Here’s a hint: they didn’t ALL fly away AND they’re the perfect size for a baby practicing her pincer grasp. ‘Nuff said.

So yeah, I made the invites. While browsing etsy, I was inspired by one particular design and figured I could make them for less money (you know, because I don’t have a job and all). While it does look like I cut them out after a drinking binge (and maybe I did), I just play up the roughly cut edges as proof that, yes, they are indeed hand-made.

My original intent was to use black cardstock for the body, but I couldn’t find cardstock locally that was as stiff as I wanted. I then found sheets of thin foam, which worked perfectly. It cut so easily (like butta’!) and I didn’t have to worry about it warping after handling it a million times. If you have as inkjet printer, I wouldn’t recommend velum paper which I used. The ink won’t stick well, specifically the colored inks. I had to hunch over 14 invites and outline the red letters on EVERY. ONE. OF. THEM. to make them more legible.

I would also advice you against “sugar glitter”. That stuff is so fine that I swear I still see it floating in the air when shafts of sunlight punch through the never ending gloomy weather of Nebraska. For a moment, I’m like “ooooooh….prettyyyyyy” and then I imagine breathing it in and dying a horrible glittery clogged airway death.

Also, to get the even ovals, I used word/publisher’s auto shapes to make templates. Probably the smartest thing I did for this project. I made sure to adjust the wings so that they weren’t just the oval cut in half, otherwise they wouldn’t overlap like they should.

So, there you go. If you happen to be in Nebraska on the 18th, stop in. We’ll be serving up bräts and burgers and might even go so far as to start a bonfire and do up some s’mores. Which reminds me! “Dear husband, when you go to the grocery store would you please buy some large marshmallows for the s’ mores?” “Why, dear wife? You have two bags of mini-marshmallows in the pantry.” Do you think there would be anything left of a mini marshmallow if you held it over an open flame for any length of time besides a dollop of goo the size of a q-tip?

Boys are stupid.

If you were starting to worry, no this is not becoming an advice blog, because seriously? Me giving advice?? Bitch, please. You’d get better advice after dropping acid and yelling your questions into a tree with a family of raccoons living in it, …but I don’t advice trying it. Raccoons, while cute, are nasty varmints and can seriously fuck your shit up.