There are times when it really is OK to turn your back on your kid.

My husband, Sparring Partner, is an easy mark for door-to-door salesmen. Before we got married, an Electrolux salesman came to our tiny 900 sqft house, which had nothing but refinished hardwood floors, and sold him a horribly expensive canister vacuum (which we do still have as a matter of fact, and prefer to the more recently purchased Kirby – again via a door-to-door salesman).

Stick a lollie on that man’s forehead, please, and lick. When you get to the center, you’ll probably find yourself a gooey blob of a tootsie roll.

So I wasn’t surprised, albeit a bit pissed, when he bought into The Total Transformation. You know, the one that advertises with, “Are you struggling with a child who is disrespectful, obnoxious, or even abusive towards you?”

Do children actually come in other flavor but disrespectful and obnoxious once they reach a certain age?

One of the discs we got was 5 different ways to stop an argument.

First, let me interject, I’m not trying to sell you on anything, OK? Don’t click the red “X” yet.

Doodicus is a master argurer. It’s exasperating! Some of the things he says would be cute if he were still three, but now? He’s a flippin’ know-it-all. For example, he asked me this morning what time was it in China. Hell if I know, so I said that would be a good question to ask his teacher. However, he might want to look at the globe in his room for the name of a city in China since China is a large country, as big as the US, I told him.

No, he said, it’s larger.

How do you know, I ask.

I just do.

*silent screaming in my head*

Maybe you’re still thinking, that’s kinda’ cute. It’s not when this is the type of crap he pulls on us allllllll dayyyyyy.

Or how about this one. You’ll love it since it’s a return of the bath-argument.

Me: “It’s getting late, you need to get in the bath.”

Him: “I’m going to take a shower,” as he heads to our bathroom.

Me: “Dad’s in the shower, you need to use your bathroom.”

Him: “I don’t want to use my bathroom. I’ll just use your tub.”

Me: “No. You will use YOUR bathroom,” and I turned my back on him.

Him: I don’t want to! I’m going to use YOUR bathroom, not mine!”

*silence* *back still turned*

Him: “OK…I’ll use mine…*”

(*Hand to God, that’s what he said.)

See what I did there? I turned my back on him, or “escaped”, the term the CD uses. Doodicus isn’t stupid. I was clear about what he needed to do and where. I could have let him continue to drag me into an argument, and thus giving him the upper hand in it since he was clearly leading me deeper into his nonsense.

It’s a simple tip I’m sharing with you. I know some of you have your own little Caesar Doodicus on your hands. Give this a try (tell him/her what their responsibility is at that moment and walk away – escape. Do NOT re-engage!), and see what happens.

So far, it’s been one sales pitch that Sparring Partner has bought into that hasn’t bitten us squarely right on the ass. That’s not to say I don’t have a lovely story to tell you about a more recent purchase that I will hold over his head for at least the next 30 years, since it clearly has been one of his worst.