MMIX

No year in review. Because really, do you give a shit?

No resolutions. I plan on being as annoying/fat/cynical/lame as I have been. Why mess with perfection?

No wild partying tonight. Why? Because kids don’t care that you just “fell asleep” four hours ago in the clothes you had on when you left the house or that you may or may not have dried vomit in your hair.

No hangover tomorrow. I have mental hangovers every day. Why screw that up with booze?

Sorry, I’m cranky. I was out of geritol* this morning and my Depends are riding up the crack of my ass.

Happy New Year!! What are YOUR plans for the evening?

* Spell check wants geritol to be genital. Bwahahahaha!!

RASH (no pictures this time) UPDATE

This is a follow-up to the post about my daughter’s rash since I’ve had many hits on it and queries as to how she is not doing:

It’s been what seems like an endless parade to and from a medical office of one kind or another lately. After waiting literally months for ZGirl’s dermatology appointment, it came and went and left me feeling a bit fuzzy in the brain – like I hadn’t ever been to a specialist before – and went away with more questions than answers.

Dr. Eyebrows, the junior of his now retired father who we originally saw last year, took one look at ZGirl and exclaimed how her condition and symptoms were exactly like his own son of the same age. I felt relief. He gave us a script for a cream, advised us to try an OTC antihistamine when things got bad, and swabbed her to see if she was a carrier of nasal staph.

Did you just go reread that last part?

Yeah. That’s where I got derailed at the appointment and failed as a parent to ask WTF. A couple weeks later I got a call from the clinic to confirm that she was positive. We’ll come back to that in a sec. At the time we were to start a nasal antibiotic right away.

For several days, we squirted an ointment up both nostrils of one very pissed off toddler. It would piss me off too.

After the treatment, her skin looked beautiful! I mean enviably gorgeous! And then a week later she was sick again with something viral (aka “cold”) and the rash and redness returned with a vengeance. Then the daycare told us that there were two confirmed cases of staph (I hadn’t told them about ZGirl’s appointment). And then the coughing and wheezing started. And then she threw up. And then the blizzard snowed us in and the in-laws out. And then Christmas came and went. And then this past Sunday Mr. DD bundled her up right away in the morning because she was getting worse and took her to the urgent care: ear and respiratory infection and the beginning of more antibiotics, this time the kind that taste like ass, even when flavored with grape, which resulted in a taste of ass covered in grape jelly.

And then finally, her follow-up appointment with Dr. Eyebrows. One I was determined to get to the bottom of with this staph infection carrier business. I spent free time googling “nasal staph infection carrier” needlessly. The nurse who called to confirm ZGirl was positive did not clarify that she was positive for another kind of bacteria – but NOT staph. Awesomeness.

Basically, ZGirl just has very sensitive baby skin and moisture followed by sudden dryness (like snot dripping and then subsequently being wiped away with a sleeve) will cause her extreme irritation. The prickly rash she gets on the rest of her body is her skin’s reaction to infections, which really does make sense when you consider the skin is the largest organ of the body. She should outgrow it eventually. Until then, if she gets really rashy about the face, we are to slather her with A&D ointment at bedtime. And that’s it.

If you are still seeking answers to your child’s unexplained rash, ask about getting a culture for staph done. Try A&D ointment, generously applied. Ask about steroid creams or try a mild over the counter cortisone cream. As for the body, moisturize, moisturize, moisturize. Aveeno for baby works great. Avoid highly perfumed lotions. If nothing else, vaseline after a bath. Good luck.

Speaking of doctors…

Speaking of doctors…

It’s been what seems like an endless parade to and from a medical office of one kind or another lately. After waiting literally months for Aitch’s dermatology appointment, it came and went and left me feeling a bit fuzzy in the brain – like I hadn’t ever been to a specialist before – and went away with more questions than answers.

Dr. Eyebrows, the junior of his now retired father who we originally saw last year, took one look at Aitch and exclaimed how her condition and symptoms were exactly like his own son of the same age. I felt relief. He gave us a script for a cream, advised us to try an OTC antihistamine when things got bad, and swabbed her to see if she was a carrier of nasal staph.

Did you just go reread that last part?

Yeah. That’s where I got derailed at the appointment and failed as a parent to ask WTF. A couple weeks later I got a call from the clinic to confirm that she was positive. We’ll come back to that in a sec. At the time we were to start a nasal antibiotic right away.

For several days, we squirted an ointment up both nostrils of one very pissed off toddler. It would piss me off too.

After the treatment, her skin looked beautiful! I mean enviably gorgeous! And then a week later she was sick again with something viral (aka “cold”) and the rash and redness returned with a vengeance. Then the daycare told us that there were two confirmed cases of staph (I hadn’t told them about Aitch’s appointment). And then the coughing and wheezing started. And then she threw up. And then the blizzard snowed us in and the in-laws out. And then Christmas came and went. And then this past Sunday Sparring Partner bundled her up right away in the morning because she was getting worse and took her to the urgent care: ear and respiratory infection and the beginning of more antibiotics, this time the kind that taste like ass, even when flavored with grape, which resulted in a taste of ass covered in grape jelly.

And then finally, her follow-up appointment with Dr. Eyebrows. One I was determined to get to the bottom of with this staph infection carrier business. I spent free time googling “nasal staph infection carrier” needlessly. The nurse who called to confirm Aitch was positive did not clarify that she was positive for another kind of bacteria – but NOT staph. Awesomeness.

Basically, Aitch just has very sensitive baby skin and moisture followed by sudden dryness (like snot dripping and then subsequently being wiped away with a sleeve) will cause her extreme irritation. The prickly rash she gets on the rest of her body is her skin’s reaction to infections, which really does make sense when you consider the skin is the largest organ of the body. She should outgrow it eventually. Until then, if she gets really rashy about the face, we are to slather her with A&D ointment at bedtime. And that’s it.

Actually, I just had to tell you all this so I can share something even more awesome. I asked Dr. Eyebrows just how long would I have to wait to get in to see him to get a script for Retin A (adult acne? So NOT awesome.). He said he would get me a sample. He said something to the nurse and she came back with a box of Retin A. I asked her how long would it last me so I know when to schedule. She said there was enough to last me a year. A whole year! Yes, a box of prescription Retin A!!

Considering that we have no insurance so even the doctor’s visit would be out of pocket and Retin A is a non-covered and very expensive prescription, I really, really got lucky. Sometimes a little luck is all you need to feel a little bit better about not having a job, or no insurance, or the endless snow, or the fact that for several hours yesterday there was no heat on the one side of our house and the temperature dropped to the 50s (BRRRRrrrrrrr!!!).

Now if my face would look as good as Aitch’s, even on a bad day, I’ll be in seventh heaven. Simple minds = simple pleasures, and all that.

Homemade Diaper Wipes

No one would ever confuse me for a hippie or a tree hugger. I won’t sugarcoat how I think disposable diapers are god’s gift to parents like me too lazy and/or grossed out to rinse undigested corn, carrots, green beans and other unrecognizable substances from cloth ones.

However, to make up for the fact that we use disposable diapers, we make our own diaper wipes. I’m sure I’ve shared the recipe on one of my blogs before. I’ve sent it to a couple of you at different times when you’ve mentioned one of your little one’s butt was burning from diaper rash. I’m going to share the recipe for my wipes again here because I believe so strongly in how wonderful they are. If you’re a Greenie, then you should be doing this; if you hate how your baby practically turns him or herself inside out when it’s time for a diaper change because of a severe rash – then you need to try this.

Here’s the recipe with bonus pictures!

Above is the supplies you will need:

  • 1 roll of good quality paper towels. I prefer Bounty Select-a-Size.
  • Baby Oil
  • Gentle skin cleanser. My preference is Cetaphil.
  • A measuring cup, measuring spoons (or a regular spoon – it’s not rocket science), and a large knife.
  • And most importantly, a 10 cup container with lid.

With the large knife, cut the roll of paper towels in half like so (Sparring Partner warns not to use a serrated knife due to the “little bit” of lint you will get – see below since I DID use a serrated knife):

Now mix up the following in your measuring cup:

  • 1 – tspn (or spoonful) of baby oil
  • 1 – tspn (or spoonful) of cleanser
  • 1 – cup water

And I mean mix WELL since obviously the oil will want to separate. Once mixed, pour into your 10 cup container. Add one of the halves of your freshly cut paper towels to the container. Don’t bother removing the cardboard roll.

Put together another cup of oil/cleanser/water mixture using the same measurements and pour over the top of the paper towels. Snap on your lid and let sit, preferably overnight so the paper towels have time to soak up everything.

When you’re ready to use, start by pulling out the cardboard center, which will help start what now are your wipes. I usually pull out a bunch and tear apart at the perforations before I take off the diaper. That way I’m not trying to do it with one hand since I’m usually trying to prevent someone from reaching down to inspect their nether regions by pinning two little hands together with one of my own.

And that’s it! Wipes that won’t burn their privates with alcohol like store-bought wipes will. Wipes that actually give a light protective coating of moisturizer as a preventative measure for whatever comes next. Wipes that can be used safely and comfortably on the face and hands without worrying about the awful taste.

Also? Sparring Partner noticed that I was sharing the recipe for our homemade wipes and wanted you all to know that he swears by them. And if you knew how disinterested and completely oblivious he is to EVERYTHING used and needed in care of a baby, you would dump out those leftovers taking up residency in the only 10 cup container you own and mix up a batch right now.

GO! What are you waiting for?? If you don’t think these are the bee’s knees, then you can come back here and leave your comment about how much they suck. Of course I wouldn’t delete your comment. I’m not vindictive.

Until then…

One of my favorite times of the year is upon us. No, not Christmas. Winter Solstice! Why? Because it marked the shortest day (in sunlight hours) of the year.

It means that from that moment on, our days will get a little bit longer…and a little bit longer…and a little bit longer still. Winter Solstice to me means that spring is on its way! Crazy isn’t it? Especially when you consider that right now the Midwest is be dumped on by the largest blizzard of the year. Probably the largest we’ve had in several years. But I don’t care. Spring is just around the corner in my head.

Today I got a call from daycare. Aitch had thrown up. They had to wake her from a morning nap, which she was just moving out of and getting into a one nap a day routine. The night before we woke to her screaming and crying and while she settled quickly, she didn’t go back to sleep for over an hour. Right now, I’m listening to her whimper on the monitor and cough every 15 minutes or so. After I picked her up from daycare, she acted normal so I’m not sure what’s going on, but the wheezing she’s been doing for the past couple of days gives me cause for concern.

In just little over an hour, it will be Christmas Eve and I have never felt so unprepared for it. I’m tired of strangers thinking it’s OK to ask me if I’m ready for Christmas. It reminds me of when I would take Aitch out as a newborn and I would get asked if I was nursing. It’s none of your damn business and why do you even care?? See how full of the season’s spirit I am?

With that, I do wish you all a wonderful weekend whether you’re getting snowed in or if you’re taking a dip in the pool (a nod to my southern hemispherian friends), but more importantly I wish you all a spectacular New Year in 2010. I’m wishing it will bring me a job.

Happy Holidays, my friends. Count your blessings. We each have more than we realize.

'Tis the Season to be Merry

I left my reflectors at home.

"Beep! Beep! Caution! Wide Load!!

 We went bowling last week. It’s the first time I’ve bowled in over four years. The last time I bowled it was with my ex co-workers when we all got along. I’m not sure why Sparring Partner had to take one at this angle. My ass looks as wide as the lane. Maybe it is…