Holy Schmoly!

This year is a big one at school for Doodicus. During the first half of second grade, they prepare for the First Reconciliation (first confession). The second half, they prepare for First Communion (taking of the bread).

My husband and I are not what one would call devout Catholics </air quotes>. This coming from someone who retweeted one of my friend’s updates that said (and I paraphrase), “Why do people say it’s the ‘Gospel Truth’ when the gospel was actually a work of fiction?” I lost a FB friend with that one. I know who it was so I sent her another friend request, just to see if she would get over herself, and well…she hasn’t. So I blocked her. Because I’m spiteful like that.

Sparring Partner and I were both raised Catholic, but I have to say that we are floundering a bit as we try to follow the suggestions of the school to impress upon Doodicus the importance of what he’s being taught in his religion classes. Quite frankly, we are more concerned about the skills necessary for him to get a job. No amount of praying is going to get his reading level up to snuff nor will it help him learn to “mind his own business”, per his recent report card.

First Reconciliation was what I would consider a fiasco. No one warned us ahead of time that we should plan on a good two hours as 100-plus second graders, a combined total from both Catholic and Public schools, divided themselves into five unequal lines to sit in front of five different priests; and then tell them that they are mean to their little sisters/brothers and that they don’t listen to mom and dad. Repent, SINNERSSSSSSS!

I’m now learning that First Communion is a HUUUGE deal. And while it’s not until April, I’ve already been asked, “Are you getting Doodicus a suit?” (yes, I am); “Are you going to rent out a place for a party or have one at home?” (party? This requires a party?); “What are you giving him for a gift?” (the gift of Jesus isn’t enough?!).

The other night there was a “Parents Only” (loosely translated into “Keep your rug-rhinos at home, for the love of all that’s holy!”) meeting at the school. Boys should wear dress slacks, dress shoes and a white shirt. They don’t have to wear white, but we prefer it as it symbolizes their baptism. There’s goes my idea of him wearing a black shirt with his black suit, looking all Mafioso and shit. Girls should wear white dresses. NO gloves and no purses as these items can be misplaced. Followed by: IF you insist that your girl wears gloves, she will need to remove them before Communion as the bread must be placed in the “flesh of the palm”.

Now, why in the in the world, would you give the parents an out like that? If you don’t want them to wear gloves, tell them no gloves and period.

By now, I’m chatting under my breath to one of my son’s friend’s mom. Party? Suit? Gift? And then I hear, “We’ll be serving both species…” What? They’re serving a meal with this? Both Species…is that steak and chicken or steak and fish? Probably fish, right? “…so they will be receiving both the bread and the wine.” Really? That’s what they mean by “both species”?  Whoda thunk? Crazy Catholics.

Speaking of “crazy”, here’s the tie I designed on Zazzle for Doodicus’s First Communion. I sent a picture to my husband and one of my friends. My husband was not amused. My friend? She forwarded it to my son’s priest, who thought it was hysterical. Inappropriate, but still – hysterical.

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16 thoughts on “Holy Schmoly!”

  1. I lurve the tie but then again, I am one of those Jews-bound-for-hell kind of people…

    However, since my dad and his side of the family are Catholic, I did attend multiple First Communions when my cousins were little. I remember parties at my aunt and uncle’s house, but they were pretty casual barbecues. As far as gifts, I have no clue!

  2. My in-laws rent a hall, hire a caterer & a d.j. for baptisms, 1st communions, & confirmations. I will do the whole”Bride of Christ” white dress thing, but a party? No. Perhaps a “gathering” or bruch somewhere.

    It’s funny. I’m a convert to Catholicism and I really really love it.
    I hear from people who were raised Catholic about how horrible & restrictive it is. I guess it’s because they did the whole Catholic school thing (maybe even with NUNS!!!) so they’ve had their fill of it.
    I don’t take offense, that’s why they make chocolate AND vanilla ice cream, to each his own right? But it gets a bit like some New York Yankee scumbag fan telling me how terrible the Phillies are. BLASPHEMY!!!

  3. We had a bunch of family over, like a big dinner, people hanging out. I tend to think of these things as a great excuse for a party, and really who cares about the religious thing.

    But yes, it helps to have a priest with a sense of humour. Most of the ones I know do laugh. It’s the lay people who will get you every time. The church people who tell everyone what to do and allegedly have read the bible but not the part about loving everyone. But damn they are great at misinterpreting the entire Catechism.

    They really ruin the Church.

  4. Very “relaxed” Catholic here. Most 1st Communion parties in our area are the same as when I was in 2nd grade — just family over for a light meal (sandwiches, pasta salad, meatballs, etc.) and “congrats” cake after Mass. Gifts are of the sentimental-religious or monetary sort — we gave a crisp $50 bill to both nephews. Most of the little boys in my nephew’s 1st C. a couple of years ago did not wear suits. But I was surprised that many of the little girls had professional updos with their veils!

  5. That tie is hysterical!

    I’m not Catholic so a lot of the ritual goes over my head. But you know I’ll never stop following you on FB because of your humor.

  6. I am what is considered in polite circles as a “recovering catholic”. They actually threw me out when I had the nerve to marry a protestant in a protestant church. Their loss.

    I think whoever goes to the ceremony gets a breakfast/lunch/dinner, whatever, after…at a local eatery…Denny’s maybe. That is a party to me.

    As for the tie…..I will give you a $5.00 gift card of your choice if someone in your family wears it to the ceremony. I will pay even more for photos 🙂

    I also want to know, how you have a priest with a sense of humor?? I might still be catholic had any of the ones I knew, been remotely human.

  7. I was a cradle catholic.. emphasis on the WAS (came to my senses as an adult…. whole other story).

    I LOVE the tie! I would so buy that and wear it myself! We didn’t have the big party thing afterward. I think Daddy took me, my godparents and their daughter out to breakfast afterward. (the daughter and I made 1st C. together.) Having a big party sounds a bit like bogarting the bat mitzvah, doesn’t it??

    And as for defriending people, I’m loosing folks left and right. guess I shouldn’t have mentioned how much uber-conservatives piss me off. (or maybe my uber-liberalness has pissed THEM off. hmmmmm)

  8. I can see how some would be offended by the post (and tweet). I am/was not Catholic, but grew up smack dab next to the local Catholic church, and 90% of the kids in my school were Catholic, so 1st communion was a big deal. (Also, later our homework revolved around CCD.

    The white dresses/gloves/etc were VERY common, as were the big family parties after. I didn’t know anybody who rented out a hall or anything, but it was basically like a baptism, just with an older kid.

  9. Oooops!!! Sorry about that. Not sorry that I tweeted but sorry that someone would be so offended by it. But maybe it was just a matter of time – that tie would surely have pushed her over the edge! Love it!

  10. I guess I can see inviting the relatives (who are coming to the Communion) to come over for dinner? Or cake? But not really go all out and throw a party, then again I’m not Catholic…

    Definitely go with that tie!

  11. I have this to look forward to next year for D. Sounds like our backgrounds and investment into the Catholic religion are similar.

    The white suit is a little cheeseball to me, I don’t know, I can’t get around it. The tie is awesome. I wonder if the nuns would chuckle to see it or smite you to HE-double-hockey-sticks. lol

    1. Doodicus won’t have to wear a white suit, but def a white shirt. That being said, in last year’s 1st C. picture last year, there was one little dude wearing a white tux with tails.

  12. LOVE the tie. (And love the priest for finding it amusing rather than offensive.)

    We’re protestant, and I don’t think first communion comes with a party (or gifts) for us. In fact, Harry already had communion once (though he will eventually have a formal first communion) — at our church, if you want to receive, you can (even if you just want to try the funny cracker and have no idea what it means).

  13. I might like your son’s priest! I also loved Dogma…

    We’ve always had 1st Communion parties in our family. Not as important as graduations, so I would guess our priorities are similar, but my parents used to be fairly devout (Dad)/involved (Mom). There was no hall-renting; just a collection of obscure relatives who we only saw once a year at some sort of similar event (you know, baptism, funeral, graduation, etc) Gifts were always religious in nature for these things – a nice rosary (with crystals, not plastic) for my communion, and a nice piece of jewelry (gold cross? I don’t remember) for Confirmation. Or savings bonds – always a favorite.

    Both species? That’s a new one for me…

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