Bath or Daycare

Here’s a couple of dilemmas we are going through now. If you have some insight on one or the other (or both!), please, Obi-won, you’re my only hope!

Dilemma #1

A couple times in the past weeks, in order to simplify my life, I’ve put both Doodicus and Aitch in the bathtub together. Doodicus is now 8 and Aitch is 1 1/2. Doodicus has no problem with this plan and actually asks if they can more often. Aitch also enjoys the one-on-one play and having someone to splash that won’t complain (much).

However, when Doodicus asks Sparring Partner if he can take a bath when Aitch does, Sparring Partner tells him no. Sparring Partner tells me when I ask him what the big deal is that he just doesn’t like it.

Is the age difference too great and therefore they shouldn’t be bathing together? Am I gearing them up for future counseling or is Sparring Partner being uptight?

___________ OR ____________

Dilemma #2

We are finally moving Aitch to a new daycare, HH. It’s the same daycare that Doodicus goes to (she had to be 18 mos to attend). I suggested that Sparring Partner pick her up when he picks up Doodicus from school and then take them both to HH so that she only has to be there about two hours before we come get them after work, thus easing her slowly into new surroundings and staff.

Sparring Partner thinks we should quit the old daycare, KK, cold turkey and just start bringing her to HH right away in the morning.

Which way do you think would be easier? Keeping her at KK is not an option. I’m  certain that I’m the one who’s going to take it the hardest because I know she won’t be happy either way.

15 thoughts on “Bath or Daycare”

  1. I would say yes to the baths but perhaps emphasise the privateness of private parts to him – so he can bathe with her and/or with you present, but he cleans his own private parts – and when she is a little older she can learn to do the same?

    It seems a bit unlikely that anything would be untoward (or even, until she is verbal, embarassing!) but it could be a good teaching moment about touch and letting people into your own private areas.

    (at least I think that is what our social worker would say!)

  2. I would do separate bath times. I know it is more work for you, but Doodicus is at the age where things can get weird. (Though, I have been told I am overly sensitive on this topic, but I have good reason).

    I agree with you on the daycare. I think going to a new place in small steps is a great idea. Plus, her brother will be there for the transition, so when he ends up not being there for a big portion of the day, she will already be happy there.

  3. I guess the worry here for SP is that something sexual could happen? To me, it seems like Doodicus is too young for that and Aitch definitely too young and if they are just splashing around having a good time, I don’t see any problems with it.

    As for the daycare situation, how does Aitch handle change? If she doesn’t handle it too well, I would agree with your method. But, if you think she will adjust quickly and it’s easier to just quit the old one in terms of shuttling the kids around, then I don’t see any problem with SP’s plan.

  4. Yeah, I don’t know. If they were of the same sex, then maybe, but you might be getting into weird territory. I bathe mine together and even now, I wonder if it’s getting too weird. He’s constantly making comments if he catches me going to the bathroom, or in the shower.

  5. If the kids are enjoying themselves, it’s fine. They aren’t doing anything inappropriate at this age, so I don’t see any reason to stop. You’ll know when it’s time to stop. My kids took showers together (well, rotated in and out) until they were much older – also both kids took showers with me or their dad until they were 6ish. I stopped taking a shower with the boy when he asked where my penis was. They grew up fine – so I don’t think I damaged them too much. It was nice with them in the bath together – they occupied each other and we played and sang songs. I really miss those times. I don’t miss the hours that followed the penis question – I was sure I probably created a serial killer. So far, so good though.

  6. I think the bath thing is fine for another year. After that it might start getting into therapy fodder – but it really depends on your kids. I think husband’s get weird about that stuff before anyone else. When Sabrina HATED baths, we used to shower with her. She was only 16 months old when he said it was starting to feel weird to him and asked if I would do it. (Why yes that did mean my 8 month pregnant self trying to hold a wet, slippery toddler on my hip and clean both of us but I didn’t want him to be weirded out. Shortly after that, I declared she had to learn to live with baths. )

    I would ease her in if that is possible as you suggested – just makes good sense.

  7. My elder son (5) is very much into his privacy. So, we wash him by himself and then he puts on a bathing suit and has the rest of his hour-long, mostly-filled-with-play bath with his two-year-old brother.

  8. I think they are okay to bathe together because she is so little. Another year is probably all I would do.
    I think I would take her to daycare a couple of hours a day to get her used to it a bit. All day is a long time, and to move her somewhere new for that many hours, I think is a lot to ask of her.

  9. Will the new place LET you only bring her for two hours? Most places around here are too structured for that.

    I’m not sure she’s going to get anything out of/make the transition any better by moving her slowly into the new – if she’s the kind of kid that freezes up during changes, it’s going to happen either way. And she can’t really tell time, so I’m not sure the just a few hours stuff will help either. On the other hand, you’re the mom, and you know Aitch best.

    Cass (8) announced this summer that he doesn’t want anyone in the bathroom (not even me, picking up towels or so forth) while he’s taking his shower. They’re all so different – I’d say no biggie until he tells you otherwise, and then immediately take steps to give him privacy.

    I would chalk this up to Sparring Partner’s upbringing, although SP might want to think about why he doesn’t like it – Dood will probably push the issue sooner or later and want an answer.

  10. European perspective here – I think it is totally fine until about 10 when in my experience Doodicus will probably want to bath by himself in any event.

    I would go cold turkey on daycare changes.

  11. Yeah, I think I’d probably go separate baths at this point. Then again, I’m looking forward to P being old enough that he showers by himself with only mild nagging to get him in there in the first place. (Thankfully he’s close, as the boy is his father’s son and will spend all day in a warm shower if I let him. And listening to him sing in the shower is hysterical!)

    I’m much more likely to opt for a slow ease-in to daycare situation, since neither of my children do well with transitions. If it’s an option, I might try that.

  12. I would probably opt for separate baths, at this point. Doodicus is old enough to bathe himself, isn’t he? So, for the sake of your own convenience, I’d be sending him off to shower on his own.

    I’d go cold turkey on the daycare, because I wouldn’t want to pay 2 places. I’m pretty cheap. It might be nice to ease her in and then again, it might not make any difference. Look at it this way – she’s too young to really make “friends” yet with other kids, and it would be just as shocking to go into a new classroom with a new teacher. Good luck!

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