Road Rage

On my way to work this morning, I was in the left lane and going through an intersection. My light was green and it’s a long green. Just as I was heading across, some fuckface in a gold Lexus SUV pulled out from their red light and instead of turning right and staying in the right lane, it cut immediately in front of me and into the left lane.

I had to brake hard, sending my handbag flying off the seat next to me where it firmly wedged itself under the passenger’s side dashboard. I laid on the horn for several seconds and the SUV swerved as the driver realized its lack of commonfucking sense, but then decided to get their balls out and with spite, stayed in the left lane instead of getting out of my way.

I pulled alongside in the right lane and as I passed the vehicle, I stared into the window to see some bleach-blonde, cuntfaced, whore-bait Bitch driving and she had one of those little fucking white lap-mutts sitting whereelse but on her damn lap.

She had the audacity to glare back at me.

Too soon, I had passed her but I wish I had slowed down long enough to give her not only the finger, but maybe even this sign:

(Since I wasn’t sure what “this” sign was called, I had to take my own damn picture. Try googling “v hand sign with tongue” and see what YOU get… Unrelated – my hands are really dry!)

Not sure what difference it would have made since she will probably do the same thing to another driver tomorrow on her way home to watch Real Housewives marathon after dropping her kid off at school. Once home, she’ll then call her neighbor-friend who remarkably has the same color of blonde hair and bitch about her six-figure-income husband who doesn’t go down on her anymore so she’s gone through three rabbits in the past year.


She’s probably sitting at home right now booking her botox appointment and hasn’t given the incident another thought as she clearly looked at me as if I was in the wrong. Yet, here I am, dedicating a post to her asshattery.

What do you do when you get a sudden case of road rage because of another’s brain farts behind the wheel? Personally, I wish I had one of these installed on my car.


11 thoughts on “Road Rage”

  1. I feel like a mute now that I can’t swear in the car anymore. That always used to make me feel better. To just swear at the top of my lungs. Now I have to say things like Sugar, and COME ON PEOPLE.

    And it’s just not nearly as satisfying.

  2. Hey, that was my idea! But, I want one that scrolls, so I can really let my feelings out! Or, the license plate should be a phone number for the car, so you can personally call and read someone the riot act.

    We were driving to the zoo yesterday when some goofball decided to drift really slowly into our lane when her rear passenger door was level with the front of our car. My husband laid on the horn and she didn’t even notice at all!

  3. I *adore* the sign. I want one! Maybe you patent it, go into business, and be a multi-millionaire in a year 😉

    Sorry about the asshole though. HATE that.

  4. I love the sign, but I would be scared of (a) flipping off someone I knew (it’s a really small town) or (b) getting shot (the small town has a lot of people with guns). I had to stop swearing when my daughter started commenting on the other drivers.

    Also, I’d probably be so busy playing with the sign that I’d get in a car accident.

  5. I want one that I can use my own cuss-words… like shitbrick and fucktard!! My husband insists that one of these days I’m going to wear out our horn… I use it a lot…. then I am also pretty sure that different mental disorders are let loose to drive in my city on different days- monday it’s the ADHD people who couldn’t concentrate on what they’re doing to save their lives… like, seriously- it’s almost as if they are driving along- see a shiny light and go “ooooooh shiny” and completely forget to stop. Tuesdays are schizophrenic day- the voices told me to slam on my brakes and turn here… sorry I didn’t signal like, TWO FEET SOONER so you had time to respond to my dickery… gah!!!

    the blonde skankerellas are the worst though… it’s like they think they’re too pretty to drive like someone who’s NOT a complete jackass!!

  6. PLEASE, I am begging you, DD, and all who read this NEVER flip someone off or make a rude hand gesture while you’re driving. You never know how unstable someone else might be. You might be majorly ticked off at someone driving while assholian, but they might be even more enraged, at something completely different. I notice that a lot of women tend to flip the bird while driving, possibly because they think there might not be any real consequences from it. So, please just be cautious. I still give the finger, but I do it well below the window level. Okay, consider yourselves forewarned and now fore armed.

      1. I know what you mean. People who pull this kind of crap while driving make furious!!! My FIL has this thing he does where he throws imaginary hand grenades at motor vehicle offenders. He says it seems to help. Maybe I’ll try that… 😉

  7. Oh, I so want that sign!

    I hate people who do f’n ridiculous things. I don’t believe anyone’s blinker lights (so if I’m at a stop sign, I’ll wait until the person is pretty much made their turn before I’ll go).

    Road rage is way too easy for me. I have to watch it though, because I’m in a small town and have a prominent job. Don’t want the next person I flip off be my next patient…

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