Mirror

My sister asked how Doodicus was doing this year in school. The short answer, compared to last year? Night and Day in that he’s so much better.

Now whether we can attribute that to the ADHD meds or a year of maturity or a different teacher or a different group of peers or even perhaps, a divine combination of all of the above? I don’t know and frankly, I don’t care. Just as long as I can say things are better right now.

At school, that is.

But the fighting and bickering between the two of the male members of the family at home are enough to make me shout, “Shut. Up!” (which is a statement that is actually banned from our home, so you can guess how pissed I was to have spewed it) last night as they went back and forth, back and forth, about something so stupid that right now I can’t even remember what it was.

One exchange that I had to step in – yet again – was one that centered on a book Doodicus brought home. They have a program at school that after each book read, they test. Generally, Doodicus has been bringing home books that are short stories, a cover-to-cover read in one sitting. However, this particular book was a chapter book that he brought home weeks ago. After supper last night, I told him he had to read a chapter and then he could play. He told me that he was on chapter 15 and that was the last one.

Wonderful! I exclaimed. Finally we wouldn’t have to see it come home again.

While this exchange was happening, Sparring Partner’s Internal Hearing and Comprehension Modulator had been turned to mute, so he missed what was going on, but he saw Doodicus walking around with this book.

S.P.:  “Why don’t you read that? You’ve been bringing it home for weeks!”

Dood: “I’m going to read a chapter now!” (Immediately on the defense, since duh, that’s what he was settling in to do.)

S.P.: “No you’re not. You’re just wandering around!” (Apparently, walking from the mud room where his backpack is kept and into the living room is “wandering”…)

Dood: “I am, too! And then I’ll be done!”

S.P.: “Well, it’s about time. You’ve had the book for weeks!” (So you’ve shouted – STFU, already.) “Sit your butt down and start!”

Dood: “Mommmmmm!” and the tears of frustration begin which of course adds to the tension and in short, more tears.

It’s fucking ridiculous.

You’ve heard similar stories of conflict between Doodicus and his Dad. Sadly, the situation never seems to get better as far as the butting heads go. Afterwards, I try to pull Sparring Partner aside and ask what the fuck is up his ass that he’s always riding Doodicus’s. He’s normally apologetic – to me – which means jack-shit; and he realizes after the fact that he shouldn’t have said most of what he does. If he can’t be the one to grow up and be the adult, he’s going to push Doodicus further and further away when he’s reaching an age and stage where the two really need to get much, much closer. I’m not panhandling for advice at this point since I can clearly see what the problem is, with the major one being the two are EXACTLY alike in personalities.

When you’re staring into a mirror, that person on the other side of the glass is the most familiar, the most recognizable, but also the only one you can never really reach into without shattering the barrier leaving one image standing alone. I fear that day, which as Doodicus gets older, looms ever closer.

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9 thoughts on “Mirror”

  1. Okay. You didn’t ask, but one of the advantages of being an old bitch, is that I can say what I want.

    SP, grow a pair and talk to your kid. Tell him that even adults need to say I AM SORRY once in awhile. That we sometimes yell when we are frustrated about OTHER things that have nothing to do with the kid.

    I have seen this exact scenario play out with my boys and my professionally stubborn husband. It can get really ugly when Dood hits about 10-18 years old.

    DD-as the mom, you will always be the one standing up for your kids. It’s just how we are made. I made sure to keep the lines of communication open between my boys and ME. I let them vent (while biting my tongue not telling them that at times their dad is a stubborn ass) and then tell them their dad loves them and that is the way he says “I am worried” or “I love you so much I only want the best for you”. Yeah, moms are actually diplomats.

  2. We have this same problem. DH is constantly critical of DS (a pattern repeated from his relationship with his father). When I mention it, I’m told that I am too soft on him. So then I compensate by telling him how great he is all the time. I don’t want to wait until DS decides he hates him just so I can say I told you so, so if you find anything that works, please tell me!

    1. I have to admit that I’m not perfect, either, and lose my patience with him as well at times. I’ve got a bad habit and that’s assuming he won’t what he’s supposed to and I yell the first time around, instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt.

  3. Gah, that sounds frustrating, especially as there’s evidently a firm pattern already in place. I loved the Internal Hearing and Comprehension Modulator. Finally, a name for the root cause of so many of our little domestic situations… Wishing you luck, open ears from both your men, and fortitude.

  4. It must be extremely difficult to watch. I think that’s why we’re supposed to have two parents – one to have an unbiased view of the situation. I have to say – I think that the mirror analogy is a good one, but there is also competition involved between members of the same sex. I see this with my husband and his father. My daughter is just like my husband, but they have a bond which will be difficult for him to break…not that they won’t both try really hard to do it. Sigh.

    PS I heard your song (Mama Said..) on the radio the other day, and chuckled!

You can say it here.

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