And the Banjo Responds

My dear husband has the emotional sensitivity of a rhino in heat. During one of the five years we dated, we were going through a particularly rough patch over the Thanksgiving holiday, which the family decided to pack up and carry out in Des Moines. Because we weren’t getting along, Sparring Partner didn’t attend. And me, being a sappy girl in love, called him several times, and in one of the phone exchanges I wailed into the phone hoping to instill some guilt, some emotion, from him: “You don’t LOVE me!” to which he replied, “No. Not as much as I use to.”


Obviously he fell in love again and after threatening him with an ultimatum, marry me or I’m moving one (who’s PWND now, mister!), we were able to accept each other’s emotional – and lack thereof – responses.

Last night we went out with the in-laws. SIL exclaims, “Did Sparring Partner tell you the news?!” and most anyone who has gone through years of infertility will always have the first thought be that someone’s pregnant.

My first thought was correct.

“Number 5!” she announced excitedly.

So Daughter#1 is percolating Baby#3. Didn’t I mention not long ago something about Dueling Uteri. Cue the banjos:

  • D#1 had Baby #1
  •           D#2 had Baby #1
  • D#1 had Baby #2
  •           D#2 had Baby #2
  • D#1 is due with Baby #3

All within the past four years.

 Mark your calendars for next year…

But that’s not really the point, or at least the one I care to get into right now. The reason I mentioned how insensitive SP can be is when we later walked out to the car, I told him thanks for the heads up *sarcasm*.

And he said, “I didn’t know that it would still bother you.”

“You wouldn’t.” was my reply.

Yes, it still bothers me. It will for a very long time. I would love to meet that person who it DOESN’T bother and maybe they’d share their secret with me, and then in turn, share it with you.

8 thoughts on “And the Banjo Responds”

  1. Bothers me too although given increasing years it is less and less likely to be one of my contemporaries doing the announcing. My feckless younger cousins though……

  2. Men really don’t get it.

    Not long ago I was talking to my good SIL (her daughter is expecting after 2 years of IF) and we were talking about miscarriages. Husband turns to me and says “You had 2 right?”

    No, *I* had 4.


    Sweetie…to this day (after 21 years of parenting) I still don’t think any pregnancy is going to go full term. I ALWAYS have that initial reaction. Still.

  3. There’s no way in hell it’s gonna be me…

    There are certain people who make the announcements, and it doesn’t rip me up inside. There are others that make me so mad I could spit nails, then others that it doesn’t so much bother me that they make the announcement, but that they CONTINUALLY go on and on and on about their pregnancies… like the “friend” on FB who started counting the DAYS left until her maternity leave started… 7 WEEKS before it did…. She started this crap after I’d been stuck on the couch for two weeks and I just lost it. Told her she was being an insensitive cow. And then removed her from my FB. Some people just don’t ever THINK about what they say and how it might affect other people. And for some reason it seems to be these insensitive morons who have it the easiest in getting & staying pregnant.

  4. I frequently get the “what are you crying about now?” response from my darling husband. He’s all delicate and sensitive, so if I even imply criticism of him, he pouts for days. I, however, am supposed to have the emotional sensitivity of a rhino. He’s frustrating. Oh well, what can you do?

    I do recommend, though, that you try to let go of the resentment or pain at hearing pregnancy announcements, because they’ll just keep coming. There’s no way to escape them!

    1. a, I know you are right about the resentment. Yes, they’ll keep coming and if I can’t find a healthy mental break from it, it just festers. Nothing worse then a festering mind.

  5. Joe couldn’t understand why I was crying on the evening of March 4th.
    He walked into the bedroom & there I was. Mascara-smeared, snot-shiny face with wadded up tissues strewn about the vanity top. That was our due-date.

    Men are stupid.

  6. It bothers me and I don’t even know your SIL. As for SP, well, you’d think our men would understand by now. I think they are just able to “not” care in certain situations… I could use a little of that myself.

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