My bra shouldn’t come with a “front cup size” and a “back cup size” option.

To celebrate most of the snow being melted in this part of the world (I say, “most” because I noticed that the 10 foot drift that was in the ditch by our road still remains, but only in an ankle deep pile of mud encrusted pile ice crystals), I decided to do some shopping. My first mistake.

My second was trying to do it during Bloat Week. You know the one: the one that precludes the first day of your period? Oh yeah, baby. At least I’ll know that no matter how much an article of clothing shrinks in the wash, it will fit me the other 3 weeks of the month.

My third mistake was to go again the following weekend with my sister to a store that apparently doesn’t follow the norms in sizing. Seriously? When did my butt suddenly require double-digit sizes to get covered??

A question I posed to my sister when the following conversation took place as I examined aforementioned ass in the three-to-fifty-way mirror.

“How do this look?” I asked, as I peered at the rear-view taking in the back-fat and muffin-top and newly emerging upper arm flap.

My sister grimaced.

“Man, I’ve gained a lot of weight. Why the hell didn’t you notice me getting fat so I could have stopped getting fat?!”

“Well…” she started, tentatively.


“I did notice. It was when you were trying to get pregnant.”

A thoughtful pause.

“Oh. I guess that really wouldn’t have been a good time to tell me, would it have?”


“I was pretty homicidal then, wasn’t I…” I concluded.


My goal now is to lose 10 pounds within the next couple of months. We have a Wii Fit but I don’t care for it. I’m going to see what classes are available while Doodicus is doing his soccer thing at the Y. I can’t stand the way I look anymore and since I don’t have $50,000 in the bank to pay for lipo, I’m actually going to have to start sweating it off.

Physical exercise has a tendency to make me a bit homicidal as well, but I hear prison can have a nice fitness regimen.

6 thoughts on “My bra shouldn’t come with a “front cup size” and a “back cup size” option.”

  1. Hang in there, you can do it. The Self Challenge worked for me (for the first 10, but I till want to lose another 15), and you can do it free on their web site. It’s essentially eating healthy and exercising (OMG! It’s a breakthrough!). My biggest hurdles are sweets and late-night snacking. On sweets. 😉 You can do it!!! Oh, and Cooking Light has great recipes. Keep us posted on your progress (and we’ll tell you to put the Mallomars down. Gently). 😉

  2. Wishing I had the will to try and lose weight…

    I just brought 3 bags of chips, a bag full of chocolate, and 1/3 of a cake from my sister’s house yesterday. Guess I’ll have to walk farther in the morning!

  3. Yeah…have you seen some of the muscles on those prison babes??

    I am betting the Y has a track at least that you could walk. Maybe indulge and get yourself a fancy schmancy gadget that you can listen to music or books. I hear they make those things now. (My 8-track player is getting old or I would send it to you 😉

  4. Will told me that I was “lumpy” the other day. My 3 1/2 year old made me hide in the bathroom and cry.

    To make it worse, I got on the scale. I shouln’ta aughta done that. I need to lose 10-15. I knew I was putting on my winter-weight, but I didn’t think I packed on that much.
    I can’t really take a class or join a gym, but I can watch what I eat & take a walk after dinner, throw in some crunches and squats after the little meanies go to bed.

  5. This is why I havent had any new clothes for ages! Not sure you can ever eradicate muffin tops post pregnancy though – if you find out how let me know.

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