Then You Should’ve Put A Ring On It

I saw on the MSN front page that Sandra Bullock was spotted not wearing her wedding ring. My first and only thought was, “So??”

I haven’t consistently worn my wedding bands in years. I’ll slip it on for special occasions but when I get home, it comes off – if I can get it off. In fact, I wore it Sunday for Doodicus’s 1st Communion and had been unable to get it off since then. This morning after running cold water over my hand and lathering it up with some soap, it finally and painfully, cleared my knuckle.

It’s not that I don’t love my ring. I do. I picked it out myself. A simple platinum band with a circle of gold embedded into the ridge. A very sparkly, round solitaire tops the setting. Up until I got pregnant with Doodicus, I never took it off, not even when working in the garden. Because, hello? It’s a diamond! And platinum! If those two combined couldn’t take a little soil, then what would be the point? But towards the end of my first pregnancy, I removed it. I didn’t want to have it cut off in a worst case scenario.

And then I had this itty bitty baby around who I would slice and dice just with my fingernail, so I left my cheese-grating diamond in the jewelry box until the kid’s skin could toughen up a bit. After I while, I just didn’t notice it missing. Soon the only time I gave it much thought was when I was out with Doodicus as a baby at Target or WalMart knowing someone was probably making assumptions about my situation once seeing my ringless hand.

Then the treatments started and I gained weight. Everywhere. Once on, I wouldn’t have to use the dexterity of other fingers to keep the diamond pointed up as it no longer slid around. It became harder and harder to take it off and then I just stopped putting it on unless it was for those special occasions. Once I got pregnant with Aitch and blew up like a puffer fish (it was so bad, the top of my feet would bear the imprints of the holes of my crocs after wearing them), and the swelling resulted in that horrible carpal tunnel, I couldn’t even fit the ring on past the first knuckle.

No one has asked me where my ring is. Even Sparring Partner hasn’t noticed its absence. Who still looks at another woman’s wedding ring, or lack thereof? With Hollywood I would think it plays even a lesser role in a marriage than it ever has since it seems “old-fashioned” and “traditional”, which are not what I consider Hollywood, and certainly not part of an infamous actor’s daily wardrobe, especially if she’s doing any shooting.

If they want to splash that info all over the web, can they back it up by saying she hasn’t been spotted WITHOUT it for the entirety of their marriage up to this point? Maybe she’s feeling a little bloated. Maybe she was planting some flowers. Maybe she’s having it cleaned. Whatever the reason, to make assumptions about why the lack of wedding ring is ridiculous and pointless. Now if she was sported out shopping and carrying Jesse James’ severed head by his thinning hair, dripping blood all over her Louboutin pumps? Well then, paparazzi, you just might have a story there. Probably a whole lot less judgment, too!

Do you wear your wedding ring? Do you notice when others aren’t?

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26 thoughts on “Then You Should’ve Put A Ring On It”

  1. I wear mine all of the time. I didn’t wear them from the middle of my pregnancies on because I was too bloated. I actually use my engagement ring as a reminder. When I need to remember something that I think I might forget, I move it over to the right hand. It feels weird and I then rememeber whatever it was that was important. I usually move it over at night when I am in bed and too lazy to get up and write myself a note.

    I don’t notice if people have wedding rings on, but if I like them, I notice them.

  2. I only wear my ring outside of the house and take it off as soon as I get home. That was true before the girls were born, too, but now I have less reason to wear it at home, because the girls are like little magpies, attracted to anything bright and shiny. (My pierced ears are probably going to close up soon due to never wearing earrings.) So I don’t read much into the absence of a wedding band. Although when I do forget to put it on when leaving the house and I’m out with the twins, I wonder if people notice and make unfavorable assumptions!

    But I definitely check out rings on men and feel a little aggravated when D. forgets to wear his to work. : P

    I just have one ring — it was both my engagement and wedding ring: a platinum band with diamonds. It was my choice, but D. got a lot of flack for it, as did I. I just don’t like to have stone settings twisting around on my hand, bumping against pages, and feeling off-center, hence my dislike of solitaire or other raised-stone settings. As you might guess, I’m also not much for manicures.

  3. Like you, it was a gradual thing, but I don’t even think about the fact that I’m not wearing it anymore. “I” know that I’m married; do I really need more?

  4. I stopped wearing my wedding ring after I lost some weight and it fell off into the washer. Which I didn’t realize, so panic ensued for a good hour as I retraced my steps in our 1 bed apartment.

    It’d probably fit now that I’ve gained more weight, but I don’t want to chance it.

  5. I barely wear mine anymore. The only time I wear it now, is if I’m going out for a girls night. Otherwise, I’ve mostly stopped noticing. My ring is too big (I know, we should all have to bitch about that problem, shouldn’t we) for me to wear it around the house every day.

  6. I used to be hyper about having my ring on. It was as if the world would end if I didn’t have it. Then, I almost lost the diamond because a prong broke off.

    Where is that ring now? For the last 7 years, in my jewelry box. I never got it fixed. I bought a few rings to sub in for the real one (fake, from QVC). I liked them so much (especially my simple eternity band ring), so I never missed the real one.

    In the last two years, there are days I don’t even wear a ring. Oddly, I don’t miss it. S. doesn’t wear his ring either (only if we get dressed up to go out).

    My, how things change as we get older, eh?

  7. I wear mine in spurts. We did purchase larger rings a few years back, but I don’t always wear that one either. My main thing is bloating. When I bloat it’s just uncomfortable. The Hubs doesn’t always wear his, either. It’s just not that big of a deal to us. We know who we belong to.

    Also, I so freaking agree about the paparazzi reading way too much into the little things. Oh, such and so isn’t wearing their ring, these two were at the same bar on the same night blah blah blah… It doesn’t mean anything and even celebrities have the right to a personal life. OK, rant over. (I’m so emphatic as if it affects me at all!)

  8. I wear them all the time. I only take them off when I need extra grip to open a jar. My engagement ring has a small diamond that is tension mounted in a plain platinum band. My wedding band is also plain platinum. Neither of them get in the way of anything.

    We bought the maintenance plan from the jeweler that included unlimited resizing forever. I’ve had my ring resized four times, I think, up and down, just like my weight.

    Here’s a pic: http://www.twitpic.com/13olcl

  9. The only time I don’t wear mine is if I’m coloring my hair or cleaning my ring. I have a wedding set and also a small band of 4 teeny diamonds that was bought for me on our 4th anniversary worn under my set. And yes, I do check people’s fingers for rings and yes, I do make judgement calls. I’m catty that way 🙂

  10. I wear my wedding band and engagement ring all the time. The diamond in my engagement ring is tension set so the ring is flat so no hooking on stuff etc so easier to wear than a claw set stone. I would feel naked without the rings . Ditto my “running away” gold bangles which again I wear all the time.

    I notice non ring wearing but that is because I notice jewelry rater than gauging someone’s marriage by the presence/absence of rings.

  11. I always wear my wedding band, and I would feel naked without it. It needs to be resized because it’s currently too big – however, I’ve put that off because my weight fluctuates so much. I occasionally still have days my fingers are so swollen I can’t even turn the ring, the next day I might be worried it’ll fall off.

    Three weeks after we were married, my husband and son went camping in a cave with boy scouts. It was a muddy place and they were climbing all over the place. Somewhere along the line his ring got lost. He was devastated and according to one of the other guys in the troop, he searched for hours and hours. He was crying when he told me and there was just no way in the world I could be mad – he certainly didn’t loose it on purpose. I felt bad because of the sentimentality – but we jumped in the car and bought an identical one (a size smaller) and he’s worn it everyday since. We don’t speak of the *lost ring* because he still feels bad and didn’t want to *jinx* our marriage. LOL

    My brother lost his ring a week after they were married and he refuses to replace it because he’s a surveyor and works out in the field everyday and he said it was dangerous wearing a ring to begin with. That bothers my SIL and it’s a source of friction between them all. the. time.

    I do look for rings on people – I always have. I think it’s just because I like rings though – I don’t make judgments that people without rings aren’t married or vice versa.

    1. My DH lost his ring 3 months after we were married. He was working at USAir & his ring slipped off in the baggage/cargo area. It went to Pittsburgh, but didn’t make the return trip. We *did* consider buying a replacement, but then he decided he didn’t want to risk losing it again. He hasn’t worn one since.

  12. I don’t wear any rings around the house because shiny things fascinate my small children and Tessa tries to put her finger under any band I have on – it becomes painful. When I leave the house, I tend to put on a cheap $10 silver band I bought before moving to Guatemala. I didn’t want my engagement ring to attract someone who might mug me and my actual wedding bands (it is 3 bands that interlock) were almost too small the day my husband bought them but he wouldn’t listen to me and there was no way that I was going to be able to wear them in a humid place like Guatemala so I bought the cheap silver band. Since my pregnancy with Tessa, I haven’t been able to comfortably wear the actual wedding bands so I either wear my engagement ring or my cheap band depending on my mood and level of bloat that day. (My engagement ring is an odd shape and doesn’t fit well with any band so I wear it alone.) It bugs my husband (he is odd and notices that I wear the cheap band) and he has talked about buying me a pretty band w/stones to wear on days that I don’t wear my engagement ring – but we have other pressing issues in our budget so it is on the someday list…although we saw a really neat one at an estate jewelry store last weekend.

    As for others, I do notice when I am hanging out with friends but mostly because I am attracted to shiny/sparkly things. I like seeing other peoples rings. But if someone isn’t wearing one I don’t give it any thought. That said, I believe Sandra set up a photo op w/o her ring to prove a point.

  13. I wear my gold wedding band all the time. My engagement ring is a gold band channel-set all the way around with princess-cut peridots (both of our birthstones). I love it, but peridots are very soft stones and after 6 months of wearing my engagement ring constantly, one stone had cracked in half and fallen out, and two others had cracks and had to be replaced — a hefty fee. So I just wear my engagement ring on very special occasions.

    I’m hoping my band will still fit in the months ahead. We’ll see.

  14. I wear mine off and on. I try to remember to put it on before I leave the house (especially if BigD is with me….it bothers him a little when I don’t have it on). Mostly, when I am home I have it off. I work on a keyboard for hours at a time and I like to have naked fingers for that.

    For years I didn’t wear my engagement ring because the band was very thin and would get “stuck” under my wider wedding band and pinch. I asked BigD if he would care if I had the stone set right on my wedding band instead, so I did that.

    I never worry about the “is she or isn’t she” married thing. I don’t give off a vibe that says ‘hey baby, lets get it on’ so I just wear it when I remember to.

    When I hear these reports of celebs not wearing a ring, so the marriage must be kaput, I just laugh. If that were the case, my marriage would be kaput on Monday, Wednesday and most Thursdays.

  15. BigP and I got matching bands (he picked out I wasn’t crazy about) when we got married. I got fat and couldn’t get it sized because it was engraved inside and out.

    I didn’t wear a ring for years. Got lots of comments about it too – mostly from co-workers.

    For our 5th anniversary he surprised me with a vow renewal on our cruise and he had invited friends and family. He also proposed before with my dream ring.

    When I got pregnant, I got self-conscious. I couldn’t wear my ring because of the swelling. I told BigP people would talk about me (I liked to add “look at that cheerleader in trouble” to make myself feel better). So I bought a plain band and wore that. After the birth and lost a little water weight, it didn’t fit. Luckily I shrunk enough to get back to my dream ring.

    Greedy me would still like a thin band to go with my diamonds….

  16. I always wear my band. Plain gold band, has only left my finger for a one week period back in 2000 when I left him. He realized he was an ass & asked me to put it back on; and it hasn’t left my finger since.

    The engagement set must have shrunk in the wash. I can get them on, but it hurrts to take them off. So I usually don’t bother putting them on.

  17. I have a set- an engagement ring that I am forever in love with, but apparently got ripped off on because my diamond BROKE… in half… yeah- hello flawed probably not real diamond that I paid too much money for. So yeah- I don’t wear it… and the jewelery store I bought it from refused to honor their “lifetime diamond guarantee” because they can’t find us in their computer system because they upgraded and lost everyone that was in the system from before 2005. So yeah, I have a broken engagement ring that OBVIOUSLY I’m not going to wear…

    As for my wedding band, it’s white gold with teeny tiny inset diamonds. It’s beautiful, and tasteful, and doesn’t fit my ring finger worth a damn anymore. I wear it on my pinky finger on the other hand, and still periodically attempt to cram it on the proper finger.

    I don’t really see the huge difference it makes- for me anyhow… My husband and I have both noticed though that his ring is less a deterrent for women on the prowl and more of a lure- like chum for sharks…

  18. I always wear my wedding rings – take them off only to put hand lotion on or bathe O now because they’ve gotten big. But really, it’s mostly just because I’m used to the weight of them on my finger.

    I will also cop to looking to see if a cute guy is married by checking out his finger. Just how I categorize people, that’s all.

  19. I always wear my wedding band, but not always my engagement ring. I figured there would be times in my life where just wearing the band would be more convenient (like with young children, gardening, mixing a meatloaf, etc). I adore my engagement ring, but the band means more to me emotionally. It’s the true symbol of my marriage and my husbands band matches mine. Consequently, I do notice if someone isn’t wearing a band, but not so much the engagement bling.

  20. I wear *a* ring, but it’s not my wedding ring. My wedding ring was too small to wear throughout my first pregnancy and by the time I had my second, it seemed foreign and not really me anymore.
    The ring I wear is one I bought. I reminds me of my maternal grandmother’s engagement ring – little teeny diamond, heart shaped cut-outs around the diamond prongs. It was made by the same jeweler that made her ring (although I bought mine off e-bay, on a whim.) It’s lovely and I smile every time I look at it.
    J knows I don’t wear his ring, and he’s okay with that. (He kinda HAS to be, since he only wears his wedding ring when we have dinner with my family (once every two years or so – they live FAR away) but his is a job-related decision – it’s easy to get a ring stuck in a stretcher when you’re working, so his job frowns on hand jewelry.

    We’re pretty casual about the trappings of marriage. But as long as I belong to him and he belongs to me, neither of us have a problem with it.

  21. I always wear mine – although I don’t have a traditional set. I have a nice solitaire that I wear on my left hand, and a “wedding band” that I wear on my right hand. Tradition among the people I know, though, is to check out the size of everyone’s rock and compare it to your own. That’s why we’re always noticing. What can I say? It’s one of the few shallow competitive urges I have!

  22. I almost always wear mine, except when I’m doing yardwork. Because of my religious and cultural background, I wear it on my right hand, and the ring is rose gold (and blends into my skin tone somewhat) so I don’t know if it’s always obvious that I’m wearing a wedding ring. I notice a wedding ring when I meet someone, but I don’t think I would notice if someone I knew stopped wearing one.

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