Wish Me Luck

Are you ready for more whining about my employment status? Oh god, it seems eternal, doesn’t it. That’s probably because I have now been without a “real” job for the past 17 ½ months. I wonder if the time can be counted much like a child’s? I guess once I reach two, I’ll let you know. Speaking of which, Aitch is 22 months old.

I found out yesterday that yet one more position that I really wanted and that I thought was going to be IT – wasn’t. It’s crushing. Of course I got a little weepy after I hung up the phone. I’m sure my desperation didn’t come across when I updated my Facebook status.

*bleh*

The one person who has every right to be disappointed with me right now has actually been my rock. I am to blame for losing my job of 10 years and the retirement funds and the insurance, and yet Sparring Partner reminds me that while yes, the extra income and benefits were and would be nice, we are not in fear of losing our home or being able to take care of our children. I can go to the grocery store and still pick up a box of Ho-Hos or Double Stuff Oreos for a special treat. I can go buy socks and underwear for the boys in our house when I notice holes and tearing of seams. I can go to my favorite greenhouse and pick up annuals to spruce up the deck. I can sign up my son for swimming lessons and arts and craft projects and archery lessons and football to give him something to do over the summer break.

These simple tasks are luxuries to many and I do not take them for granted, while at the same time Sparring Partner has to pull me aside and remind me from time to time, especially when I’m feeling sorry for myself, that everything WILL be okay. I want to find someplace to work that will remind me that I’m a valuable asset. I know my family appreciates me, but honestly? Conditional “love” is as important to me as unconditional love. Right now I’m just not as happy as I could be and it’s obvious to those close to me.

All I can do is keep looking. Maybe even throw in a good cry and wash it down with a glass of wine, like I did the other night. I can’t be lucky all the time. It was bad luck that brought me here and introduced me to some fabulous on-line friends. I guess sometimes Bad Luck is just really Luck turned on its head.