Pinpoint

For two years I’ve kept my head shoved in the sand when it comes to my son’s ADHD. The energy it takes to keep up with his moods and attitude is so astronomical that everything else suffers, so sometimes it’s just easier to accept a status quo when it comes to getting us all through the day without major meltdowns and outbursts.

We all know that a blog only gives the tiniest of pinholes to look through at any one’s personal lives. Notable events and interesting observations happen every day but I only have so much energy to give at any one time. Right now, that level is incredibly low, but it’s time to move in a new direction and reach out to other parents who are raising children with ADHD and in the same vein, hope that I can provide some kind of insight to others.

To do that, I feel I should backtrack just a bit. Doodicus hadn’t always been high maintenance. He truly was an easy baby…god, I miss those days. As he moved from toddler-stage to preschool, there was a constant battle of wills, especially between him and his dad. In Sparring Partner’s defense, I dealt with my fair share of outbursts. Within only a few weeks of Aitch being born, he entered first grade. His kindergarten teacher had noted that he seemed  overly emotional; teary at the drop of a hat; fidgety and unable to keep his hands to himself.

These are fairly common in boys of five or six, according to what I had been told and what I could find to read. But when he started to lash out physically at the teacher and other children? And that’s not all. What I haven’t told you is that he was still wetting himself. Daily. That lead to even more fights at home as we were utterly frustrated with his immaturity. He didn’t act six going on seven. He acted three going on three.

The rest you pretty much know. We sought counseling, figuring it was having a new baby in the house. It wasn’t Aitch. There’s some “stuff” between Sparring Partner and Doodicus, but it was one of those circular issues: Doodicus wetting his pants which led to Dad (or Mom) yelling at him which led to him wetting his pants which let to us yelling some more. If we shut off the TV while he was watching, the meltdown was enough to rival Chernobyl. Breakfast was the worst: the toast was too dark/light; the eggs too runny/firm; too much/not enough salt; the milk levels were too low/high…seriously. It was awful.

After six months filled with counseling, and the school district’s psychologist meetings and observations, and the pediatric appointments, it was suggested that we should try medication for ADHD.

A year later, he was in second grade with a teacher as patient as death (I mean that as a compliment). He had adjusted to the meds, and while he was still wetting his pants, it wasn’t as frequent. He lost weight and I had lost my job, the sole source of medical insurance for our family. Parts of our life were better, and yet others were not. I still don’t have a job and we still don’t have health insurance. My marriage is “blurry” (more on that another time) (but no, we are not splitting up), and I’m really worried about my son’s future.

The pinpoint of my life you had been seeing is about to get ripped into a shredded and gaping wound, but I think it’s going to hurt me much more than it’s going to hurt you.

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24 thoughts on “Pinpoint”

  1. I’m pretty sure that Mini will end up with an ADHD diagnosis down the road. I’m going to have to work really hard not to go insane, because I don’t want to medicate him. But yeah, I totally know where you’re coming from.

  2. Why do we have to be similar in so many things? Huh? I’m talking to you.
    We are now in the rounds of pediatricians, occupational therapists and psychoeducational testing, likely pediatric psychologists or psychiatrists. My son seems to have developmental coordination disorder with all the accompanying anxiety. We have said no to Zoloft for the moment but we are living in fear of finding out what his teacher will be like for the coming year.
    What med is you son on? I can’t remember – sorry.
    So we have warts – so what?
    DinoD

  3. Whatever I can do, within my means, it’s yours. I realize that that simply means that I’ll be here to listen to you, as I can’t send you insurance or money. But for what it’s worth, I’m here.

  4. I hope blogging does help with not just getting it out but also get some new input.

    I can imagine how incredibly frustrating and guilt inducing dealing with Doodicus can be on a daily basis. You are doing a grea job of advocating for him and if you keep it up he will do better than just ‘fine’.

    Hugs to you during this difficult time, you will get through this.

  5. Like so many others, I hope blogging about this will help you get to a better place. And I so want you to get to a better place, my friend, as it hurts my heart to hear that you are hurting and have been for quite awhile.

  6. Wow DD, I had no idea it had gotten so bad for everyone—I’m so sorry. I know you’ve mentioned that Doodicus’s teacher this year isn’t blessed by that well of patience (or even, it sounds like, a desire to work with him to help him succeed, which is appalling in a 3rd grade teacher), so I’m guessing that’s part of what’s bringing this to to forefront now. I also hope blogging about it helps and will be here in whatever way I can be for you.

    Many hugs, my friend.

  7. While I know this is tough, I hope it helps. We are here for you… through the good, the bad, the ugly and the hard. Hang in there. While I deal with kids with ADHD I do so on a limited basis, so I don’t have any great ideas.

  8. You’ve alluded to this in the past, I hope that opening up about it helps you, if for no other reason than having our virtual shoulders to cry on.

  9. It sounds horrible. Poor Dood. Poor you.

    I’ve realised there’s one gaping hole in my understanding, what’s up with Sparring Partner’s work and health insurance?

    1. Thalia, Sparring Partner’s boss employs five other FT employees in addition to SP. He is under no requirement to provide a health insurance option to his employees. He’s never had health insurance through any other means but myself, and that insurance (health & dental) was exhausted after I lost my job, along with my 401K, life insurance, and any other benefits I may have had. It’s one of the reasons I am struggling to find employment because I need to be with someone who provides health insurance and in a small community, that’s rare.

  10. Patient teachers and parents who understand what they’re dealing with are the keys to dealing with your son’s issues. I’m sure it feels like an insurmountable problem, but you’re strong and you can handle it.

    It’s a rough patch of life you’re getting right now. I hope the universe lightens your load soon.

    1. I think it’s good you’ve opened up. I’m sorry for all you’ve been going through, but I hope blogging about it helps. Hang in there, DD.

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