23 of 30: Aftershock

As I mentioned yesterday, I was a little (lot) miffed at Sparring Partner’s friends for having the T&A discussions in front of not only my soon-to-be nine-year old, but there are other kids at the track as well. Later, after Doodicus had gone to bed I asked Sparring Partner what he thought of that. He said,

That’s not something I’d thought I have to talk about this soon.

And I nearly kicked him in the shin. He never “talked” to him about it. I did the talking.

So then I asked him if he let his friends know what had happened and he showed me the text message he’d sent. It basically said that we had caught Dood looking up inappropriate stuff on the computer and told us that it was because of their conversations and that they would have to be way more careful in the future.

I have to admit that I was pleasantly (might be too generous of a word) surprised by their quick and apologetic replies, including, “Holy shit! Def be more aware!” from one friend. Another guy replied with how one of the classmates of his son (Kaarsin) got busted for googling “boobs” and narked on Kaarsin. Kaarsin happens to be a year younger than Dood, attends the races, AND his dad is probably the WORST offender of the group.

Sidebar? Kaarsin’s dad is the same prick who offered to be the “sperm donor” when he found out that male factor was contributing to our problems conceiving. Need I really say more?

As for looking at this as a conversation had too soon? Quite frankly, I didn’t want to have the conversation with him in four, six or even ten years. And I told him that: I don’t know what to say to him about this. I guess I should have asked questions; like what was he hoping to find? Images? Discussions? What exactly IS sexy? Sure, you and I both know it’s totally inappropriate for a 3rd grader to be looking that stuff up, but could you be specific in your explanation if you were asked why? Thankfully, he didn’t ask.

As several of you pointed out, children DO grow up too fast in today’s technology-based world, which I think is ironic (I think I’m going to use that word correctly). 100 years ago, parents often urged their children to get married in their early teens. Single women in their 20s were spinsters. But now? I can’t even imagine promoting the idea of settling down to either of my kids before turning 30. I feel so old. When exactly does wisdom set in? Does it ever?

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8 thoughts on “23 of 30: Aftershock”

  1. My son is just a few months younger than Dood and also in third grade. I asked him to google something for me on the computer, and he had no idea what I was talking about.

    Ignorance is bliss.

    BTW, he knows that he is not to even think about getting married until his mid 30s. Yeah, we’ll see how that works out, but I can hope, right? haha

  2. I am still waiting for husband to have the talk with the boys. They are 22, 20 and 16. I hope he hurries, they might be getting curious.

    He has never, ever even approached the subject except to casually mention a passing girl with “nice cans”. Everything the boys have ever heard about sex/girls, they have heard from me. At least this way, I can hope that “enlightening” them about women, and what women hate about men, they might have a shot at being good husbands.

  3. Last night Cass (nine, 3rd grade) told me a girl on iCarly was ‘hot’. What the hell do you say??? I was staring in shock, I think, since he very quickly amended that to ‘Pretty. I mean, she’s pretty.’

    But holy hell – THIRD GRADE???

  4. I feel bad for you – I know exactly where you’re coming from. The nightmare we used to have to deal with when the kids came home from their “no fucking supervision” summer vacations in Tennessee with their dad was horrible, and embarrassing and really – I felt it stole their youth. I’m not a prude – no really, I’m not a prude, but why can’t they just be kids a little longer?

  5. Well maybe just bring it up again sometime in a calm environment, is my only advice, and see about those other questions. Obviously it’s not too early to get him understanding sex-stuff the way you want him to understand it, not the way the men were talking about it.

  6. I always felt that a huge advantage to using donor eggs was that if we ever had a kid and it was time to tell them how they were conceived, I wouldn’t have to talk about sex at all!

    And fwiw, I think it was probably best that you did the talking with Doodicus and not SP. After all, SP didn’t even realize the effect of the T&A talk in front of Doodicus (and the other kids) would be.

  7. Fraught! This parenting thing is a minefield! I’m hoping to never discuss sex with my daughter – I’m sending her to my best friend who will fill her in on everything.

    It sounds like you’ve gotten appropriate parental response, anyway. And it sounds like you handled things very well. Since you didn’t kill your husband yet…

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