My IRL Friends Suck

A couple of weeks before Christmas, I sent a text message to two of my friends who still work at the life-suck pit where I was fired from, asking them if they wanted to do lunch; a get together before the holidays. I was hurt when I didn’t hear back from either of them. That night I sent them an email that basically said that I know that since I don’t work there anymore, it’s hard to stay on the radar, but it would’ve been nice if they would’ve at least replied even if it wasn’t going to work out that day.

While one replied she didn’t get the text (which I can believe as she’s not very technologically savvy), the other replied that she was in another town and wouldn’t be back into the area by lunch and that when she did get back to work, she got busy. I’m sorry, but how long does it take to reply with a text, “Can’t today. How about Friday?” I’m sure she had plenty of time to sit in the other’s office and complain about whatever we always went into each other’s offices and complained about…I didn’t bother responding to either of their emails.

So yeah. I took it very personally. I also realized that each time we have arranged to get together, it has ALWAYS been under my initiative. Neither of them have called me or emailed me to get together. And that hurts a lot.

I haven’t had any contact with them since then because I figure after two years, if they haven’t taken that first step, they aren’t going to start. But then a couple of days ago I got an email from one asking if I wanted to work at a school function with them. I haven’t replied because quite frankly, I’m peeved.

Let me just segway here to add that a few days ago I filtered out some of my FB “friends”: those who I’ve never had interaction with. One of those people was my techno-deficient friend’s husband. Granted he had once commented on one of my wall posts, but I then noticed he had friended the ex-coworker who had stalked my blog AND who had given my blog address to the HR person where I temped for 18 months. Now he can be friends with whoever he wants, but you know what? I don’t want him to have ANY information about me that he could let unintentionally slip to her. No way. No how. So I cut him.

Man, I can’t believe what a paranoid and crazy bitch this makes me out to be.

Anyway, still peeving about the whole scenario. I’ve even illogically expanded on why I’m mad: no inquiry as to our holidays (BTW, for the past three Christmases I sent them both cards and never got one in return); she couldn’t have called me? It’s not like I’m working! And she knows that. Also, I’m almost certain that if I accept, they’ll end up not being there and I’ll be stuck with two other school moms that will make me wish I had started drinking at 8 (in the morning).

Did I mention paranoid and crazy?

I will probably accept, but I think I’ll wait a few more days before responding. Not that they’ll sweat it out or anything. Hell, my luck? They’ll tell me that since I didn’t reply earlier, they got someone else to help them.

8 thoughts on “My IRL Friends Suck”

  1. I don’t know why there is that weird dynamic of leaving an employer – it doesn’t mean we can’t still be friends. I try hard to stay in contact with people that aren’t a part of my every day life and I agree that it’s hurtful when its never reciprocated.

    I, too, cleaned out my fb friends (cut out over half!) with this rule: If I ran into you on the sidewalk and wouldn’t probably chat for 5 minutes, then we’re not friends. I haven’t noticed and if they have, they haven’t said anything.

    PS – been a Google Reader for a while, but I think its my first comment. Hi!

  2. I have a IRL friend that is so passive aggressive that she whines to other people if I don’t call HER to initiate a coffee date etc. She has said…”OHN must be know with her kids or work or something” (she thinks the fact that my boys and I are close and talk/visit all the time that we have an “odd” relationship…..yeah, it’s called parenting) I finally told her that her phone probably dials too. Weirdly…she lives just a few houses away and spends a great deal of time armchair psychoanalyzing all the neighbors. If she spent more time WITH the neighbors instead of shrinking them, she would probably be much happier.
    (Come to think of it….why do I consider her a friend?? and why did I just hijack your post?? sorry)

  3. I’m totally right there with you on this one. One “forgot” we had a lunch date and canceled when I put a reminder on her FB wall. One “forgot” we were to meet to go walking when it had been her idea even though it wasn’t a good time for me. I waited for 45 minutes (none of my calls to any of the 3 different phone numbers went answered). And that was just this week…

    People suck.

  4. I getcha… Seems like I do most of the heavy lifting insofar as scheduling/follow-up/etc w/MY IRL friends…

    & talk about paranoia – do any of ’em even CONSIDER how it looks/feels when virtually 95% of the time they initiate contact, it’s bcz they NEED something from me?!? (information; a free veterinary consult) I certainly realize that my avocation/vocation/identity are irrevocably fused – & it isn’t that I RESENT being treated like the Oracle; just once in a while I’d like a response to one of my gut-spilling blog posts or emails…

    Ai yi yi, there are no easy answers. Being a grown-up just SUCKS sometimes!

  5. I know EXACTLY how you feel. My best IRL friend? Serenity. Someone who, if it weren’t for blogging, I ne’er would have met. My ‘friends’ from prev. employer? I talk to one out of the 10 I considered friends. She and I only speak once every 6 mths because I initiate it. People have told me it may be because they feel guilty that I was laid off and they weren’t. Whatever. If I can pick up the phone, send an email, and say ‘hey! I’d like to hang out’. I think they can get over themselves.
    Hence I’m taking only one IRL friendship with me when we move. And you know what? That really hurts.

    1. I totally get this. However I think for a lot of people friendships at work that revolve round lunch and sitting on each others’ desks moaning about work just aren’t important enough to carry on outside work or if one party moves out of the workspace. I’ve seen it happen lots. At my current work I have a few real friends and a lot more lunch buddies. I’m not sure I would expect the lunch buddies to care enough to make plans with me if I left. It’s not nice at all but if they don’t care f*** ’em.

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