When I was trying to get pregnant or found out I was going to miscarry, there were certain phrases that people seemed to think were helpful. Many of you know these phrases and their just-as-annoying variations all too well:
- It’s God’s will.
- You just need to relax/take a vacation.
- If you adopt, you’ll get pregnant.
- Just watch mine for the day and you’ll change your mind.
Being the recipient of such useless remarks would make my blood boil, but there really is nothing that can be done except go to my blog and complain about them. And it definitely isn’t just me. Google “things not to say to an infertile person” if you really want to know.
Now that I’m an Involuntary Stay At Home Mom (ISAHM), I’ve heard the following response to the announcement I am no longer working enough times to make me want to beat the person about the head with a used toilet brush.
“You’re SO lucky! I would do anything to stay at home with my kid(s)!”
I am so lucky?! How is losing nearly half our annual income, investment portfolio, and health benefits “lucky”?? My children who had formed bonds at daycare and established routines now feel lonely and bored at home because their mother, who has never been unemployed has no idea what to do with her children at home except help one with homework, put together puzzles, or watch entirely way too much TV.
I would do anything…is such a crock of shit. Anything? Hey, it’s not that hard to do. No magic genie needs to be summoned in order to become a SAHM/D. You just need to quit your job. Simple. Oh, you don’t want to lose your health insurance and then worry about how every specialist that you need to see means that down the road if you want to purchase private health insurance, it means a major hike in premium and that’s IF they will even cover you? Heaven forbid you get cancer and become uninsurable. Or your son get diagnosed with psychological problems. Don’t worry if you have asthma or if your spouse is overweight.
So no, you wouldn’t do anything. You like the idea of it, and sure it even sounds great to me, but the reality sucks. Unless you know the person who just told you they are a SAHM is doing so voluntarily, please keep that “lucky” and “anything” remark behind closed lips. That’ll keep me from taking better aim.