Happy Pills

It’s hard to believe that I thought my mood was related to my thyroid, isn’t it? I’m a little slow on the uptake. I think I’ve known for a long time that I’m dealing with depression, but I’ve always excused my mood to not having a job or Doodicus’s ADHD or my mother’s health or my cancer or my weight…

And no one called “bullshit!”? I need a couple of trolls.

It’s been almost three weeks since I did have my thyroid checked and aside from a couple elevated levels that indicated possibly allergies (AAAAHHH-choo!), I’m normal, relatively speaking. So I’ve been avoiding going back in to discuss the likely culprit because I worry that starting on antidepressants WON’T be the magic bullet. I remember a few years ago shortly after my first miscarriage I went to see my then family practitioner who gave me two weeks of AD pills. I took the first few days-worth but felt they were making me craz(ier) so I stopped.

Sidenote: I stopped seeing that practitioner when he all but patted me on the knee while telling me God had a plan with that 15 week miscarriage. If the “Plan” was to make me find a physician who was not interested in praying for my cursed soul, then it worked.

Now I need to ask, what should I REALLY expect when/if I start ADs? Will I turn foggy? If it makes me feel less sad, will it also make me less happy? Will I gain (more) weight? Will it decrease my sex-drive? Oh, wait. Nevermind on that last question. One can’t have a NEGATIVE sex drive, can they?

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15 thoughts on “Happy Pills”

  1. Just started following and I really like your blog. I am wondering how the new meds are going. It usually takes a few weeks to a month for mine to click in when I start them. I had that same kind of mindframe as in: my life sucks right now, shouldn’t I be in a funk about it??
    I might still have a down afternoon or two, but I have energy and the will to life and be so much more ME. Hope it helps you too!
    Looking forward to reading more!

  2. PS
    Have had NO issues with the sex drive issue, well except not having a partner to take advantage of it with me. ;o)

  3. Thank goodness for mine. I take Celexa, and I find its a good “evener” for me. I still feel all the feelings I had just not that the world will end with every single negative emotion. I am happy at times, laugh, don’t cry over every stinking thing now and feel sad but not as hopeless.

    I also know that you have to take the time to get the meds built up to the level they need to be to help you. You might have a bad couple days or week to start but keep in touch with your doctor and be open to tweaking the dosage and maybe changing meds altogether.

    I know they help me tremendously and maybe they can help you as well. Hugs…

  4. CREEEEEEEKKKKKKKK…that is the door to my closet opening. I am officially coming out to tell you I have been on AD’s for a very long time.

    I will also tell you it took FIVE different ones till I found one that:
    A) Worked.
    B) Didn’t kill all desire to have sex.
    C) Didn’t make me gain weight.

    So, that being said, I HIGHLY recommend them. Once you find the right one, you will be astounded that you feel “normal”. By that I mean you will actually be able to feel happy when you have been pretending you are. You will really mean the laugh, instead of laughing with no substance behind it. Everything you do won’t overwhelm you and drive you in the other direction. You might, quite possibly, even enjoy the little things in life that you have forgotten you ever had pleasure from. They will NOT remove all irritations from life, but they will let you feel the highs and lows that life brings. They will remove that veil of meh.

    My bingo was the day that I looked around and realized that I finally felt the way that other people looked. Unloaded, lighter, as though that cloud hovering over me finally was letting a little light peek through.

    I can’t recommend which one(s) will work for you and which won’t since everyone’s chemistry is different, but make sure you give each one at least 3-4 weeks worth of a trial before you give up. (Unless you have an adverse-negative reaction of course, then call the MD and find out if you can quit cold turkey or should taper…it makes a difference).

    I only wish I had been brave enough to seek them out many years before I did. I wasted too many years in a state of blah.

    Also….if you are weirded out by being on AD’s, think of it this way: If you had hypertension you would take a BP med….if you were diabetic you would use insulin….this is no different. If your serotonin is screwey or lacking, you are merely giving your body what it should already be producing.

    Wow, could I have written a longer comment???

  5. I was on antidepressant/antianxiety meds at one point during my infertility. They made me mostly just less depressed, which, you know, was great! Like I could see the light at the end of the tunnel all the time, and things just seemed easier. I did forget all about sex but if someone else had the idea it was fine.

    My depression was situational. As soon as I got pregnant I went off the meds and have been pretty fine since. Just because you have a good reason for being depressed doesn’t mean you can’t also try to feel better.

    If I ever suffer from depression again for an extended period, I will totally look into medication. Life’s much better not depressed.

    Good luck!

  6. I know nothing about the happy pills or what to expect.

    But I do know that having no job and having a child with difficulties are both situations that can easily lead to depression…so less of an excuse than a reason?

  7. I had to try a couple of different meds before we found one that worked for me. I’ve taken xanax for general anxiety (read: crippling anxiety) for over 15 years. But in the last year, I suffered depression and the dr. started me on Lexapro, which made me a zombie who only wanted to wrap up in a blanket and do Sudoku puzzles. After a couple of months of that, I started on Wellbutrin, and it’s been fine; I don’t feel loopy or zoomy or drowsy…just decent. And normal. And that’s what I needed. So many meds have different effects on different people, though.

    Good for you for ditching that condescending dr!

  8. I was put on happy pills when I asked one doctor to switch me to a monophasic (is this a word? Just one phase? Ya know, where the levels don’t switch every week…) birth control (before the diagnosis of PCOS). He said my mood/hormone swings were because I needed happy pills. They made me not give a shit, which was nice – but it didn’t help my mood swings once my body adjusted to them. I just became a new level of crazy.

    I hope you can find what works for you. And if these aren’t the “magic” keep going until you find what is. You deserve happiness.

  9. I tried so long to fight being on medication, and there have been times in my life, where things have been good and I’ve been OK, but I’ve had a negative outlook on things for as long as I can remember.

    My newest doctor, I LOVE. He listens to me, he evaluated me properly, and my meds have taken some tweaking, but with the research I’ve done, I’m finding what the best combination is for me.

    My advice (and take what you need and discard the rest). First, find yourself a GOOD psychiatrist. For this, you may need to pay out of pocket. A lot of meds drs now, don’t take insurance. I pay out of pocket, but he’s fabulous. He gave me a series of questionnaires to answer. I went in for what I thought was pretty much generalized anxiety, and he was like, “well, yeah, I can see the ADD a bit, and some anxiety, but you’re depressed. I was pretty shocked, because I always told people, I wasn’t depressed just anxious, but for some reason, when he told me, it made sense. Every month, for the past few months, we’ve been tweaking, and it’s taken some time, but I feel like, I’m on a good combo now: 150mg of Effexor 2.5 mg of Zyprexa and klonopin/ambien taken as I need it. I spent days feeling foggy, but the minute I called, he took me off the meds and found something that did work. My last pdoc was through my insurance and she put me on cymbalta. I felt so numb, but her response was “WELL IT’S WORKING ISN’T IT?” My pdoc now doesn’t want me to be numb.

    We struggle with putting our kids on meds, and I STILL and will always struggle with that, but really, as my pdoc has put it, you wouldn’t let your kids suffer would you? Why let yourself suffer. My meds now, I have no sex drive, but I never had one to begin with, but that’s the most common issue with meds. My dr gave me some cialis samples to try (funny, isn’t it?). I still get emotions. Sad (I just don’t cry), happy, irritated, anxious, just on a much MUCH lower level than I used to have.

    Exercise is also supposed to help, but two kids in two years, and I haven’t had much time. I’m hoping to add that in, and see how much of a difference I feel.

    Anyway, call me if you want to talk.

  10. I don’t function anymore without them. I tried for a long time to deny that I had some serious mental health issues until I got to a breaking point. I’m on one med for depression and anxiety and another that helps get my ass up off the couch and I can’t imagine not taking them. My thought process has changed – and it’s for the better because it’s not so crazy-making.

    I don’t get agitated as easy over nothing. I don’t cry all the time for pointless reasons (I also find it harder to cry when the situation is deserving). The anxiety is still there but it’s manageable. I get out of bed without much trouble and finally have an interest in life. No interest in sex, though.

  11. I have some similiar concerns as you do, however I think I have more anxiety related issues than mood. But then, hell, perhaps they are one in the same.

    Anyway, I’ve been on the receiving end of people who are trying to get their meds “balanced” and frankly, they scare me and infuriate me with some of the things they say/don’t say and do/don’t do. I realize that sounds harsh, but it serves as backstory for why I’m not actively pursuing converasations with any practitioner re anxiety meds. I don’t want to potentially create those feelings in others towards me. I have been looking into cognitive behavior therapy, which in short is trying to change how one thinks about XYZ. There’s more to it than that, but it doesn’t involve meds and is where I’m starting.

    That’s my two cents.

    1. Upon reading this again, I should clarify that I’m not intending to generalize everyone taking meds in my earlier response. My experience with two specific individuals over the years has tainted my opinion, I admit.

  12. I think different ones affect people differently. Also, it might take time to figure out the right dosage when you’ve found the right one. I haven’t had any first hand experience of taking ADs (yet), but that is what I’ve heard from others.

    There was a study out recently, can’t remember from where, that showed talk therapy in combo with ADs had better outcomes than just ADs alone. I’m not trying to push seeing a therapist on you, just wanted to throw that out there in case it helps.

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