Hello Spiderman

What a difference having a job makes. A couple of months ago before I finally got a job I was in Hobby Lobby and I discovered a cake mold for a Hello Kitty cake. It was $15. I put it in my cart and walked around the store for some more before realizing that a simple sheet cake in a pan I already own would work just as well thus saving me $15 I could spend on a gift instead. I did one of those things that peeves me and just put the pan on the first shelf I passed while making the decision instead of returning to the cake decorating aisle. I might have been looking at pillows or styrofoam balls, who knows. Last weekend I returned and bought not only the mold but Hello Kitty temp tattoos and some bright pink forks that will probably never again see the light of day. Guilt free.

BTW, before I forget, “expensive” food coloring goes bad after a couple of years. I bought the pricey gel and we discovered the hard way that it gave the colored icing a funky and bitter aftertaste. I’ll stick with the food coloring that probably causes sclerosis of the liver, but at least my frosting won’t taste like ass.

Of course you would think that since Aitch’s birthday theme had been on my mind for months that you wouldn’t have found me an hour before meeting the in-laws for supper where we would present her cake putting the final THREE colors of frosting on her cake. Thank the sweet baby jesus that 90% of that cake was white. However, next year I want to shake it up a bit and make H.K. look NOT like H.K. Like maybe a zombie H.K. or a Spiderman H.K.

Speaking of which, why does it seem like the underwear for little girls are of crappy quality compared to boys’? For Aitch’s birthday, my present to her was to take her shopping for whatever kind of underwear she wanted because of course she will instantly decide that being three is the perfect time to be potty trained.

Do I even need to add the hysterical and/or sarcastic laughter here?

Before we hit the Bullseye store, she said she wanted panties (yes, I’m sorry, but we are calling them “panties” in this house even though the word brings images of pedobear to my head) with Spiderman on them. Now of course I knew we’d never find S.M. on panties, but hey, boys’ briefs should be an easy substitute, right? Well, momma failed to provide her baby girl what she wanted for on her birthday because Spiderman, as illustrated by Marvel comics is too scary to put on little kids’ underwear. However, in her size (2T/3T), I can find Spiderman in this pack of Superhero Squad briefs:

Do you see Spiderman? Yep, he’s right there! Where? Right there, on your underwear!

First of all, these characters look like baby superheros and that’s NOT what she wants, and I’m sorry, even with my job I can’t justify $10 for one pair of underwear with Spiderman taking a back-seat – or shall I say back left ass cheek – to Iron Man and *squinting at the picture* Cyclops.

So anyway, boys’ briefs compared to girls’ panties. Why are briefs made with what feels like thicker and softer fabric than panties? Why do panties have those skin-cutting elastic waist- and leg-bands compared to briefs’ wider stay put banding? And why do briefs have the “flap”? My son is nine and I’m sure he still has no idea what the “flap” is for. And I’ll be a monkey’s uncle if I’m going to tell him. The kid barely finishes peeing before he’s pulling his pants back up creating all kinds of embarrassing wet spots. Maybe that’s just MY son??

12 thoughts on “Hello Spiderman

  1. Sean is 4, gonna be 5 in September. Still has moments where he says “I squirted a little”. Usually means he was way too busy playing to take the time to go pee. Sigh. Those days are getting less and less though, thank goodness.

    Maybe you could find some iron on spiderman patches? Heh.

  2. Fruit of the Loom makes supersoft ones for girls, albeit without characters. D gets a rash from the harsh elastic so we were on the search for softer ones. I found them at Target but not on the website. Hopefully they come in H’s size.

  3. I laughed at your comment about the flap in boys briefs. So true. A has asked what it was for and I told him, but I haven’t seen him try to use it yet. I honestly think it would take him longer than just pulling them down. I hope you have some luck finding H her ‘undies’ (our term – DH thinks it’s too girly, but WTH)

  4. I had to chuckle at the flap / wet spot thing. Zack asked what the flap was for and we told him. A week later he was at my mom’s house and he told her, in typical 4 1/2 year old fashion. When I am bigger I can pull my p3n!s out of there to pee. My mom about died laughing. As for the wetspot, we had that this morning. I walked in to Jim saying well you need to shake it when you are done. Boys…. :-)

  5. hate girls knickers (yes we call them knickers panties just isn’t a word used in these backwaters) Belle hates girls knickers instead she prefers boys briefs. And I gotta say so do I, the major point I love about them other than the elastic issue is the crotch width, Belle is not ladylike she sits how she wants and there is a dif a big dif between what is covered. rock on boys briefs! and don’t get me started on boy leg styles for little girls and lack of ass cheek coverage….

  6. The baby super heroes are pretty lame, I and my 4 year old agree. You could go all granola-mommy and start making your own panties for her… there are surely tutorials out there. (I hope you can sense my snark.)

    • Yes, I will totally make our own panties woven from our own hair and the acreage of hemp growing in the back 40. I will then decorate them from the berries on the tree and dew found in a spiders web. Snark? I has it, too!!

      Sent from my Verizon Wireless 4GLTE smartphone

  7. I just bought the boy a set of Spiderman underwear. I had a similar problem finding them in the toddler/baby section of the store. So I went to the boys’ section and found a pack of 5 ALL with Spiderman on them. I know size 4 is a little big for him, but he doesn’t give two craps if they are saggy. And neither do I. So, try the boys’ section. Or, they may even have superheroes in the girls’ section. It’s worth a looksy.

  8. Heh heh – oh, those halcyon days of potty-training, thank DOG they are behind us!

    (Oh, my ex made sure to tell my boy what “the flap” was for; it caused a lot more messiness than necessary when he insisted on utilizing it!)

  9. Yeah, my son is younger, only 4, but I’m just glad when we have days that he doesn’t say “um, I just dribbled a little” which is code for “I totally just emptied my bladder in my pants”. Insert eye roll here.

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