If you are progressive enough to not your significant other’s porn collection “cheating”, what do you consider porn via live webcam ala’ Susan Mayer on Desperate Housewives?

Or why is sexting considered cheating but reading adult magazines’ forums is not?


14 thoughts on “Hypothetically”

  1. I don’t take issue with books, videos, or photos. Doesn’t really bother me if he looks at them – assuming it isn’t something that time-wise interferes with any other family interactions. (If I wanted to spend some time together and he was too busy breathing heavy over a picture we would have a problem.) My husband does it rarely and discretely – I know he does but I’m never aware of it.

    Sexting, chatting, forums (really there are forums?), etc allow for direct interaction with another human being. Feelings can develop, confidences exchanged, intimacy develops – that is cheating.

    My rule has always been if you can’t or wouldn’t do it in front of your spouse, it is probably wrong.

    1. “My rule has always been if you can’t or wouldn’t do it in front of your spouse, it is probably wrong.”


  2. I just can’t say anymore. My husband has taken a stand on this, that looking at anyone even remotely immodestly dressed (such as the waitresses at hooters/twin peaks/brick house) could cause him to have lustful thoughts about them, which he considers cheating. ANYTHING that causes him to have a lustful thought about anyone other than his wife, however temporary, he considers cheating. SO – that’s pretty hardline Christian, but I am happy he’s taking that stance. This from a guy who did, 3 years ago, have a very substantial porn collection, which was completely deleted upon his conversion (at his choice), and who now will not watch even regular tv if there’s sexual innuendo, immodesty, cursing, etc. To be honest with you? It’s pretty darn cool.

  3. I always resented it when the husband would watching porn, then come to bed ready to rock and roll. It felt like I was just a “place” to finish up and figured while we were being intimate he was thinking about the last romp he watched. He always justified it by saying it wasn’t like he was going out and sleeping around. I guess I just don’t get porn as it really does nothing for me. I have read some of the forum stuff (at the suggestion of husband who thought I would enjoy it) and I laughed literally out loud. I asked him if he knew that these were complete made-up bullshit questions/conversations and he said they weren’t. (Yeah, some smokin hot 25 year old really wants to do that with you—-a 50 something, balding, overweight sex machine—lol).

    Anything that involves two people making sexual conversation or mutual watching etc, is considered cheating in my book. Magazines etc, isn’t cheating, it’s just not ….well….nice.

  4. I think the issue is, when you use porn are you moving towards or away from your spouse? Actions and interests that take you away from your spouse can lead to a break down in intimacy and a marriage needs intimacy. I am not suggesting that people should be joined at the hip and have all the same interests, but a healthy sexual relationship is key to a healthy marriage.

  5. i guess this makes me the prude of the bunch, but I don’t like porn at all. I never understood what the draw was. There is a man who is better equipped than you, with a woman who wouldn’t give *you* the time of day, doing things that you NEVER do and doing it better than you ever could. Unless you’re picking up tips and learning from it??? I just dont get it.

  6. I’m pretty much with everyone else. Sexting and forums involve another real person- that’s cheating. Looking at videos (non-interactive) and magazines, whatever.

  7. Are you considering a career change? Just kidding.

    I think the crux of the issue is the anonimity part. If you are sexting, it is most likely a person you know IRL. Not good unless it’s with your significant other. Regular porn and webcams? Well, if it rocks your socks off, seems ok to me. Chat rooms? That’s a grey line for me. I would say if it’s a random one use thing then okay but NOT okay if it becomes a friendship that develops into an affair of the heart. Any yes, I agree that if the scenario isn’t random and there’s an ongoing exchange. NFG. That one is crossing the line IMO.

  8. I agree with the reciprocity part of what others have said. I also think that it leans more towards cheating if things are done in secret. Things done with the full knowledge (and probably acceptance) of partner = not cheating.

  9. I agree with what people have said about the fantasy element vs the relationship element. If there is some sort of reciprocal relationship then it’s cheating. But how to define reciprocal relationship? There may be slight differences in opinion on that one.

  10. I love porn and am a connoisseur myself. I agree with Jen about the “real time with real person “ connection. As long as things stay in the fantasy realm I think it’s ok. Reading erotica online is definitely a tree-friendly form of magazine viewing. The situation becomes cheating once a relationship is formed – there’s a give and take between the two people. Webcam with someone – a stranger or the clerk from the Big Boy down the street – it doesn’t matter. It’s cheating because there’s a relationship occurring. Watching a video feed from the nudie booth? No cheating. It’s porn because it’s a one-way street. There’s no give / take.

  11. I agree with everything Jen said, except the part about forgiveness. I’m not very forgiving. 😉

    Not much of a discussion here, then.

  12. Or why is sexting considered cheating but reading adult magazines’ forums is not?

    sexting = real people in real time making private contact with sig other.

    magazine or book = fantasy a make believe world no real people involved other than the one reading at that point in time.

    Forums are interactive so to me they are up there with sexting.

    Live webcam watching or interacting? watching meh boring but if it rocks your world and your spouse is ok with it, knock yourself out just clean up afterwards. but interactive webcasts see forums and sexting.

    I have a problem with forums and chat room online relationships when emotions are involved ie not talking to friends about car stereo systems or what you’re cooking/doing with the kids etc, but having a secret affair of the mind, yeah that’s cheating and would be harder for me to forgive than if he went out one night got drunk fell over and his penis accidentally fell into a random vagina.

    sorry I don’t see what the big deal is with old school porn (books videos mags etc) nor do I insist DH wears blinkers when we walk down the street and pretty girls in skimpy bikinis are around but then I’m comfy with who and what I am.

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