Category Archives: By Marriage Only

Still I Marvel On How I Got The “Normal” One

I have been trying to think of a way to condense the following  story down to just a few sentences to post on In Laws Suck*, but there’s just no way to and still give it justice.

I’m going to vent here instead. If you were looking for an update on my donor cycle, stop by early next week as I’m sure I should have my calendar by then. But for now, I’m going to talk about my FIL’s motor vehicle history.

When I first met my husband, FIL had a beautiful 1990 Nissan 300zx. That car was amazing. Believe me, I knew as it was one of my favorite cars to test drive when I was a salesman at the Nissan dealership. He rarely ever drove it, but had to have it because at the time, it was the car to be seen in.

Surprisingly, he kept that car for years, which is impressive considering since he sold it a few years back, he hasn’t kept anything for longer than a year.

One of the high-rollers in town bought himself a spiffy Porsche and FIL fell in love all over again. He spoke with the man about the car who loved it and even let FIL take it for a test drive (this is incredibly important b/c FIL is 300++ pounds and “fitting” into a sports car is practically the only requisite he has).

He pulled a few strings and within a few weeks, a brand new convertible was delivered to FIL. It took one outing that last approximately 50 miles to convince him that the car rode too “rough” (it’s a sports car, genius!) and he traded it off on a new Lexus SC convertible.

Big deal, right? But here’s where I really get upset with all this vehicular nonsense: Mr. DD tried to convince his father that he would not be happy with the Porsche and tried to get him to look at the Lexus in the first place. Guess who had to listen to FIL bitch about the money he lost on a vehicle he owned for less than six months and what a bunch of “fucking crooks” were at the dealership and yet not try to respond with “I told you so…”?

It doesn’t end there.

About this same time, he was also in the market for a new pickup. FIL bought a loaded Toyota Tacoma extended cab (he needs a pick-up like he needs a sports car…).

After he waited several weeks for the truck to be delivered, he realized once it showed up that it doesn’t have the power rear-window so within a few months, he traded that off on a year-newer model with the power window! Finally, he seems to be happy. He has his sports car; he has his pick-up truck. The dust settles.

Until the new Toyota Tundra came out in 2007. FIL asks Mr. DD what he thinks. Mr. DD tells him that it’s too big and he doesn’t need it. FIL measures out his garage and determines if he gets rid of the sports car, the new truck will just squeeze under and through the garage door dimensions. He foolishly sold the sports car with less than 3,000 miles on it, against Mr. DD’s recommendations, but with a cheerful push from Nutbag, Mr. DD’s sister, “He’s got the money! Let him do what he wants!”

He sold the Tacoma to his daughter in S.C. who flew here and then drove it all the way back. Make sure you understand, he sold it to them; he didn’t give it to them.

So now he has the Tundra, a heaping monstrosity of a machine, to be driven by an 85 year old man across town and back. That’s it. A Yugo would serve his needs just as well.

Mr. DD asked FIL recently what he thought of the new truck (even though I was making the slashing sign across my throat urging him shut up), and guess what? FIL thinks it’s too big and he’s not happy because it didn’t come with the power rear window, either. He wants his “old” truck back.

Guess who is back to cleaning up the mess?

Mr. DD.

Monday night I had to hear from Nutbag, not Mr. DD, about what was going to happen now. Mr. DD and FIL are going to trade in the Tundra (with a whopping 300 miles on it) for a brand new Tacoma, decked out according to the way the daughter in S.C. wants. Then Mr. DD will take one of the two weeks he has left of his vacation time from work to meet his sister half way between Nebraska and S.C. with this new Tacoma and switch it for the old Tacoma so he can deliver it back to his dad.

A goddamn clusterfuck.

I can’t understand why Nutbag can’t make the drive. She’s the one who encouraged her father to get the stupid Tundra. On top of all that, I find out that she’s the one who test drove the Tundra, not FIL! She helped create this mess and now it’s my husband who again gets stuck cleaning it up.

How much do you want to bet that once he gets his old pick-up back into the garage, he’ll realize that he’s now got extra space again for another sports car?

After Mr. DD broke the news to me about what he’s doing on his “vacation”, I said to him as a description of his father’s mental state, “It takes common sense to make yourself a lot of money. After that, it takes a lot of money to lose your common sense.” He wanted to know who that quote was from.

It’s mine.

Maybe I’m just jealous and being petty. Then again…


* In Laws Suck is getting short on stories. If you have one you want to share (that is much shorter than this one), drop it off at Thanks!