Category Archives: Opinionated

INSIGHT

A list of 10 things I openly ridicule and/or loathe but secretly covet and/or envy:

1.) gladiator sandals

2.) maxi-dresses

3.) lobster tail

4.) thong underwear

5.) pierced baby ears

6.) pregnant Wal-Mart shoppers

7.) 2-seater sports cars

8.) tans

9.) tattoos

10.) the number of pictures of myself

A SHOW OF HANDS

I’ve mentioned a time or two how much truncated posts are my personal blogging peeve. Not that I don’t love those of you who do, BUT I have to be honest and let you know that truncated posts end up on the bottom of my “to read” pile. The main reason? I do not want a bunch of blogs in my browsing history, especially at work. A secondary reason is that since many truncated blogs have oodles of ads on them, they take forever and when someone – like me – lives in the boonies and requires wireless internet connection, I get a little impatient waiting, waiting, waiting and by the time the page loads, someone in my family is demanding my immediate attention with some crying and whining. It is not always the children, either.

I’d like to know what your opinion is on truncated posts (posts that only show the first couple of sentences of a post in a reader). And if you don’t like how biased I am, you could always write a post about grammatically challenged bloggers who don’t like the choices other bloggers make with their blogs.

P.S. There’s a poll imbedded in this post, just in case you had no idea where I was going with this.

SOAP AND SOCKS

I like to bring my opinions on products I use here, but only because I feel strongly about them enough to either warn you to save your money for that martini or four; or to advice you of something I’ve found that works. I don’t get paid or asked to promote anything on my blog. Much like Suz does with her “Things That Don’t Suck”, except she includes fun little snippets prior to the big reveal. Me? I don’t do fun and while I’ve tried, I have a heck of a time blogging in “snippets”. I’m freakishly long-winded.

I thought I would give Seventh Generationlaundry soap a try. I thought it’d make me feel more “green” as we disposed our dirty laundry and the soap that comes with it into our septic system, and ultimately, the leech field. While the stuff rinses out and leaves no perfume after-smell, it doesn’t clean very well, either. A bit of a problem when it’s supposed to be detergent. If I don’t pretreat even the smallest of “stains” (let’s say a wet cheerio smear), it doesn’t come out in the wash. I’ll be going back to Tide.

Socks are a staple with babies, much like diapers. I have lots of different kinds. If you want a fashion statement, definitely go with Trumpettes. The only downside to them is that while they say 0-12 in size, it’s more accurate to get them for a 2-9 month old for the best fit. After that, I have to confess my undying loyalty to Old Navy’s baby/toddler socks, specifically the kind I linked to. They are thick and cushiony and so inexpensive!

By the way, we did end up buying a Britax Marathon carseat. I can’t yet review it because it’s sitting on the garage floor as Mr. DD’s thought it would be a simple snap-in installment. It’s not. Actually, he’s a great procrastinator.

And lastly, I have to add that while I really liked using diapers.com when ZGirl was itty-bitty because it meant that I didn’t have to leave the house for necessities, nor did I have to wait an eternity for Mr. DD to come home after running to the store and getting distracted by some kind of manly product of one kind or another, I have found their prices do not qualify as bargains, even without paying tax.

There you go: one very wordy review of a few things I’ve used personally. Plus this gets me out of a real post for another couple of days.

BATTLE OF THE MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS

Want to get in the middle of an argument between Mr. DD and myself?

If your doctor prescribed you a new med and told you specifically to take it in the morning, but then when you went to pick up the prescription, the pharmacist told you to only take it at night, which professional’s instructions would you follow and why?

MOTHER FATHER

Whenever I hear or read something that infuriates me, it is a true test of my patience not to go off half-cocked. Doing so normally gets me into trouble and I end up eating shoe leather.

On the other hand, once I’ve cooled off or had time to research, I get bogged down by my rational side trying to convince me to be fair. To present both sides. To not offend. Unfortunately, it then loses all meaning.

This will be one of those posts that will either piss you off or it will not. I won’t apologize if it does. I will add that none of your comments on the poll, which are now also published, were taken any other way but with sincere openess.

Does becoming a sperm donor or egg donor make one a “mother” or “father”? I guess it depends on who you ask.

Me?

No.

As I thought about this over and over again, I realized that the ONLY people NOT referring to the donors as Mother and Father were the donors themselves. So why is every one else?

If I thought about the literal sense of donation, then Fathers would be made with every one night stand. Mothers would be made every time there was unprotected sex during ovulation.

That doesn’t count, you say, because there was no intent?

OK, so for any couple who has gone through IVF, IUI or even procreative sex, they became Mothers and Fathers even if there was no conception, right?

Now I’m just being argumentative, you say?

Yes, I am, because our society has become so uptight in our pursuit of being politically correct even when it logically makes no sense to do so. What’s wrong with the donor being called a Donor?

What bug flew up my butt and inspired the poll (final results were 74.59% said no, donors do not become mothers/fathers while 24.59% said they did, which at one point was as high as 33%, and there were 51 votes)?

This comment to a thread I subscribed to. I won’t link the thread because the response really had nothing to do with the topic:

I was conceived through an anonymous sperm ‘donation’ (no money exchanged) back in the mid 1960’s through a private doctor practice. I learned of my conception origins at 18 but didn’t feel entitled to acknowledge the confusion this created for me until I had children of my own.

It was only until I saw how much my children were a part of, not only my husband and me, but our collective (bio/genetic) families. This was no long just a personal loss, this was much bigger than me. I searched for my biological father (my parents donor) after the birth of our second child and learned that because I was not of his marriage that I and my children (his grandchildren) could never be acknowledged, recognized or embraced by him – our extended bio/genetic family (grandparents/half siblings/aunts/uncles/cousins etc) or know or be a part of our family ancestry/history.

I see many reasons why donor (especially vendor) gametes/traditional surrogacy is wrong, not for religious reasons but for human dignity reasons. Knowing a name is not the same as being loved and embraced. These methods of conception are not the same as adoption, although they share many issues in common. Adoption (which has many ethical issues of its own), as an institution, is very pro-child. Adoption does not intentionally separate a person from their bio/genetic mother/father/family. It recognizes this separation as a tragedy. BUT donor/vendor/traditional surrogacy intentionally creates a child that will not be loved nurtured, unconditionally embraced or supported by one or both of their bio/genetic parents and extended family. This puts adults wants for a child (pre-conception), before the needs of a child (post- conception).

Of course people conceived through donor/vendor/surrogacy need to be accepted, loved, supported (THAT MUCH MORE SO) by the Catholic/faith community. But these methods of conception — when a child/person is intentionally created in a way that PROHIBITS them (and their future children) from being acknowledged, embraced, loved and nurtured in a fully inclusive way by ALL the people they come from and belong to — do not.

Verbatim and in its entirety.

I do feel sorry for this person as she found out what I think is too late in life that she was donor conceived, but third-party conception has a rather slow learning curve. No one knows the impact of what we tell or don’t tell our children until that moment, and usually it’s too late. In another 20 years, will the trend to tell your child as soon as they are toddling that there was a donor or they were adopted or were bore by a surrogate, come back and bite us on the ass? In some form or another, yes. That child will probably resent “feeling” different then other children. Then again, some children never have an issue. It really is a matter of perspective on life and temperament.

Also, I find myself asking, hypothetically, what right did this person have in asking to be embraced by her donor and his extended family? His donation was not intended to increase his genetic lineage so it seems a rather large leap to assume that 30 years later, he would welcome with open arms that possibility by a stranger. Not only would I never expect ZGirl’s genetic donor to ever acknowledge her if the two were ever to learn of each other’s identity, I also would never demand ZGirl to acknowledge the donor’s family as her own. The donor’s children are not my daughter’s half-sisters or half-brothers. These are terms modern society puts out there to both welcome, and yet exclude, children in a mixed marriage. They are titles to make sure that the Consanguine Family never rises again, and rightfully so.

It was this statement that pushed me over the edge, “Adoption does not intentionally separate a person from their bio/genetic mother/father/family. It recognizes this separation as a tragedy. BUT donor/vendor/traditional surrogacy intentionally creates a child that will not be loved nurtured, unconditionally embraced or supported by one or both of their bio/genetic parents and extended family.”

Adoption is the most intentional form of separation  out there! While I understand her intent in the statement, there is no such thing as an “accidental adoption” unless it’s a swapping of newborns in the hospital.

And to state that donor and surrogacy intentionally creates a child that will not be loved, nurtured or unconditionally embraced or supported by the genetic parents and the extended family??!! Fuck her. And fuck her “non-bio” family for screwing her over by making her feel as if the only unconditional love she could get was from her genetic father and his family since it seems apparent that they did not provide it themselves..

I am not so arrogant to believe that my anger about the quote is directed purely at this stranger. I am angry that it made me question the choices we made. The choices we will eventually make with our own children. How dare I allow some one else’s shitty experience cloud the utter joy I have when my daughter reaches for me, smiles at me, laughs at me. Her mother. Her ONLY  mother.

UP FOR DEBATE

Soooooo….day care dropped ZGirl on her head.

For those of you who didn’t know that yet, I’ll provide details about it later (she’s fine but did end up with a nice shiner to match my avatar). Instead I want to ask your opinion about who should pay.

Well, besides ZGirl, who paid with seemingly endless tears and screams, the swelling of her eye to less than 50%, the abrasion from the carpet or the goose-egg on her head. Or of course, myself, who when she received the news via a phone call from the day care director, had the blood first drain from my head and then rush back up to it in fear and anger.

I’m talking money here.

I used to deal exclusively with no-fault insurance situations through my employer. I understand that most home-owners and almost all business carry it and why. However, I have decided to have the charges related to the ER visit (they charged us a level 5. I should be impressed since that’s usually for patients who have coded, lost a limb or need to be strapped to the bed with ankle and wrist cuffs), which will include a CT scan, sent to my own health insurance. I will then send the copay and/or deductible to the no-fault insurance at the daycare.

I made the mistake of mentioning this to someone who thought that since my employer pays for my health insurance (a portion. Not a majority, either), that I should send it to the no-risk first.

My reason to submit it the way I just mentioned is that I’ve seen similar instances where the no-risk is sent a claim, they pay, but the benefits get maxed (don’t forget I will have more than just an ER visit, but the ER physician and radiology physician to pay), and a balance is billed to the private insurance, who then apply the copay and/or deduc, leaving the poor policy owner/injured still having to pay out of pocket.

Some technical stuff to know: my health insurance is not Medicaid or Medicare which WOULD require by federal law for me to go through the no-risk insurance first.

What would YOU do? Yes, I really am interested in your opinion either way since nothing has been done yet.

(Tidbit of no purpose whatsoever:  did you know that there’s are codes for fall from commode, fall from other furniture, fall from wheelchair and even one for fall from cliff. A CLIFF! I’m not sure why that struck me as bizarre.)

PICK MY PRIZE

award7.jpgaward6.jpgaward5.jpgaward4.jpgaward3.jpgaward2.jpgaward1.jpg  These are some of the things that were on the web-site as “rewards” for employees where I work. While there’s quite a variety of things, I pulled these as my favorites. I have to narrow it down to one.

Actually, YOU are going to help me narrow it down to one.

Whatever item gets the most votes will be the one I get, so follow the link and begin your voting pleasure! (btw, I have this poll set up so you can’t see what’s getting the most votes)

surveysTake Our Poll

no. 532 – I Waited All Weekend For This?!

Would you mind if I just glaze over the inspiration for my last poll? I’m on limited brain functionality, which may or may not be related to the fact my son has strep and I have not been allowed to sleep – if his moaning and whining at the exact moment I feel myself drifting off are any indication. Shall I bother to mention that this morning when Mr. DD and I were making the bed and he didn’t stack his pillows per my OCD and I corrected him that he snapped, “Back off! I was yawning.”

Yes. Well, there is that. Apparently, we both have been hit by whatever it is that makes us completely stupefied, crazy and just damned tired.

The pointless point I was going to hope to make – and let me first apologize for the assumption and to anyone who may get pissed off at such – is that while we (“we” being anyone diagnosed with some form of infertility) each suffer acutely the pain of infertility, the length of time we suffer does exponentially increase that pain; whereas having wealth can minimize the impact of the pain brought on by infertility. I would then have to squeeze in there a disclaimer of some type about government-funding on ART  * for my friends overseas and North O’ the Border and those who must calculate in six months of vacation due to OHSS regardless of what the omnipotent Sugar Daddy wants.

And since I knew it would take several paragraphs to justify my statement and several more to do the aforementioned apologies for ASS-U-MEing, I just virtually threw up my hands and muttered, “meh”.

I should mention that I found a couple of nifty sites, including this one that provides excellent debate fodder to use on our behalf against those numskulls who think infertility treatment should not be covered under insurance. You know how we love those assbandits.

Also, I was going to remind those of you who pay U.S. taxes that many expenses related to IF treatments should be itemized as medical deductions on your returns if the total expenditures exceed 7.5% of your annual income. Expenses can be as obvious as any of the office procedures and consults to the easily overlooked lodging and travel expenses.

See how potentially dull that post would have been? This one was so much better.

* See comments for input from those who actually know compared to me who pulls things helter-skelter out of my ass.